Chicks with Wednesday One-Liners!

Chick on cell: In the past three weeks, I've been to more tranny-hosted parties than non-tranny hosted parties.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mini-Asian teen: Well he's not a real man in the sense that he has a penis, or like, male reproductive organs.

–6 Train

Loud woman: I can't tell whether he's a lesbian or just gay.

–Bamboo 52

Overheard by: Aidan

Angry man: Suck my pussy dick!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Black woman to group of friends, after watching an attractive black man walk by: Mmmmm, he so fine! I wanna stick my dick up that ass!

–Duane Reade

Bum on subway: (singing) when I go into space, I'ma take a stripper wit' me!
(woman puts a dollar bill in his cup)
Bum: I'ma take a trannie too, but the trannie cost extra!
(man puts a dollar in his cup)
Bum: La dee da!

–L Train from Williamsburg

Posted on July 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Duane Reade, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Sexuality, Soho, Store, Teens, Trannies, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners — Not the South American Country

Train conductor: Now arriving at 116th street, Columbia University. Ivy league. Ivy league… Ivy league… Ivy league… Stand clear of the closing doors.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Amused Subway Rider

Guy on phone: I’m a tool, I’ll admit that.

–College Walk, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ed

Chick on cell: How did they know I was feeling hormonal? And did they need to announce it on my boarding pass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: YotGC

(Columbia student #1 jaywalks in front of a car)
Columbia student #2: I can’t get hit by a car right now! I have a paper to write!

–115th & Broadway

(two frat boys in boxers run a lap down 113th as a third cheers them on)
Sorority girl: Sometimes I wonder how some of these people get into Columbia…

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: wondering the same thing

Posted on July 23, 2008
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Students, Subway conductors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Let’s Talk About Wednesday One-Liner, Baby

Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active.

–1 Train

Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck?

–17th & 7th

20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that?

–LIRR

Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him!

–Washington Square Park

Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him!

–68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compliments, Food, Girls, Guys, Italians, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Women

Just Don’t Call It the “Black Plague”

Student #1: You know in French they have Ebonics too.
Student #2: Like creole?
Student #1: Yeah.
Student #3: Ebonics, I thought that was some sort of disease, like bubonic.
Student #2: Dude! What the hell?
Student #3: What do I know? I’m an engineer.

–Columbia University Athletics Van

Overheard by: Barnard student

Posted on July 8, 2008
Columbia University, Default, Illness, Jobs & Careers, Languages, Students, Words

I’m Not Even Pale and Hairy!

Lab girl #1: Oh my god! I’m so excited, I just got a Christmas tree yesterday!
Lab girl #2: Really?
Lab girl #1: Yeah, it’s decorated with candy canes and everything… God, I’m like the worst Jew in the world.

–Columbia Medical Center Lab

Posted on July 7, 2008
Christianity, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Happiness, Holidays, Hospitals, Judaism, Students

Because Around Here We Call It “Cock Sap”

Sex ed volunteer: Now if you put the condom on the wrong way, do not, I repeat, do not turn it inside out and put it on. Because we all know what gets on the tip.
Male student: Penis juice!
Sex ed volunteer: Did you just say “penis juice”?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Withnail

Posted on June 13, 2008
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Default, Education, Etiquette, Guys, Penis, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to Godliness

Hipster: It just sucks having to change the sheets every day.

–54th & Broadway

Overheard by: J-Dawg

Man coming out of bathroom: Rhetorical question: do you wash your hands before or after pissing?

–Columbia Bathroom

Old man on cell: You tell her I don’t want her using that same toilet brush. I want her to use a new one for my place.

–34 Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: truly confused

Tranny to another: And I told him if he wanted to shove that shit up my pussy, he better wash it real good first!

–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Aves

Guy on cell: It still stinks? Did you try washing it? Oh. How about using a nail brush? You did? Well, how much skin did you lose?

–C Train

Overheard by: Davis Baker

Angry thug on cell: I ain’t washin’ shit!

–Broadway & Great Jones

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Questions, Stall Spies, The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Great Wednesday One-Liners…. For Me to Poop On!

Five-year-old girl in the men’s bathroom: Hey everybody! Look! I have fat poopies!

–New Dance Group, West 38th St

Random chick: She’s gonna be all over me for shitting today.

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Girl: I so should have taken a dump in that toilet!

–14th & 4th

High school boy: I literally walked in the bathroom and saw like, someone took a dump on the floor; and it was more than one person! And I was just like, wow, is this a new trend or something?

–Fresh Meadows, Queens

Overheard by: Caro-kun

18-year-old CPR/AED instructor on using a defibrillator: …if you’re touching the person when you administer the shock, it won’t kill you, but you might poo a little.

–50th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Chick: Welp, I am ready to have diarrhea now!

–2nd Ave & 11th

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Etiquette, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Library, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Poop, Queens, School, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Not That There’s Anything Wrong with Wednesday One-Liners

Dude on cell: I’m okay with it. As long as nobody slaps me or calls me gay or spits on me. Those are my three things. As long as nobody does those three things.

–21st St & 8th Ave

Asian girl: You gave me the gay!

–C Train

Overheard by: Jordan

Female cop to male cop: You a queer? For real, you queer? You a queer? You a queer? Oh, I didn’t know that. Okay. [Nods.]

–C Train

Barnard girl to friends: I don’t think he’s gay, I just think he has problems having sex with women.

–Columbia University Steps

Overheard by: John Jay

Man to friend: See, I told you this was a gay neighborhood, look at all the women!

–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: glekapolis

Loudly homophobic guy: Gay! Gay! My ass hurts from watching that preview!

–AMC Theater, Times Square

Overheard by: Lo

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Ass, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Coworkers, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Sorority Girls, Theater, Times Square, Women

We’re Bringin’ Wednesday One-Liners Back

African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…

–Broadway & Chambers St.

Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Dora Watson

Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!

–Edward R. Murrow High School

Overheard by: Kris S.

Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".

–Columbia University Art Humanities Class

Overheard by: Going to Hell

Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: riana

Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?

–33rd St & Park

Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!

–F Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Tweens, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words