Music teacher: So, how do you control the sound of a recorder?
Embarrassed teenage boy: Um… You put your fingers… Uh, in the hole. And the higher you want the sound to be, the more fingers you put in the hole.
Music teacher: Is there any other way to control the sound?
Embarrassed teenage boy: Well, the harder you blow, the faster the sound will come. And the softer you blow, the slower it'll come.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Drunk girl: Use your better judgment!
Drunk friend: I don't have that!
–1 Train
Disco-glam drag queen: It was! It was baby oil, and I knew it!
–Rubulad, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Katie
Black drag queen in kimono: I'm a corn pone Southern faggot, we do not do yoga.
–Tribeca
Overheard by: Ryan K
Hysterical Latina transvestite: My life is in my ass, mijo!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Jean
Drag queen hooker to older lady staring at her: You so wish you could wear a onesie like me.
–MTA
Teen to friends: I want to get a haircut, but every time I get a haircut I get arrested.
–Union Square
Cashier: This line is closed! Unless one of y'all wants to drive me to my hair appointment!
–Home Depot
Woman to friend: Why can't he have a normal man haircut? Like, with short sides?
–Dekalb Ave & Oxford
Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula
Manic lady to no one in particular: Pay homage to my hair!
–B61 Bus
Drunk hipster: Donald Trump's hair is the Blarney Stone of New York.
–East Village
Overheard by: Concerned Irishman
20-something girl in chucks to another: No, I will not get rubber boots. What do I look like, fucking Paddington Bear?
–CVS
Boy: I bet if I had three of me I could take on a grizzly bear.
–Columbia
Overheard by: Megan
Small, well-dressed girl: I want to eat the heart of a bear!
–Bohemian Hall, Astoria
Overheard by: Joseph
Guy on cell: You don't even know what the Care Bears are about!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Fresca P.
College girl #1, in crowded train: So is graduate school just like regular college? Like, once you get in, you're good and don't have to do any work?
College girl #2: Pretty much, I do whatever I want… it's great!
–1 Train
Drunk guy #1: My junk is way more prominent than your junk.
Drunk guy #2: No way, my junk is way more conspicuous than yours.
Drunk guy #1: Let's have a junk contest!
–St. Mark's & 1st Ave
Guy #1: It's too bad, 'cuz the good child actors always grow up to be terrible adult actors.
Girl #1: Not always. You have people like Drew Barrymore…
Girl #2: Or Doogie Howser.
Guy #2: Neil Patrick Harris! He has a name!
–St. John the Divine Cathedral
Overheard by: Kaitlen
30-something blonde in office attire on cell: You need to tell Vanessa that she can't be on the show because she's not overweight enough, and s not unattractive enough.
–Whole Foods Market, Chelsea
Syracuse University girl, going up escalator: I feel like I'm in Star Trek! (begins humming Indiana Jones theme)
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mickey
20-something gaysian: Yeah, he watches Hannah Montana so I don't get why he makes fun of me for watching iCarly!
–Washington Square Park
Teen: I watched I Love Lucy last night. She's funny; she's like the Jim Carrey of the 1920s or something.
–UA School of Music and Art
20-something preppy kid to mother: You know, they really should have a reality show about Midtown.
–54th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Pedro
Teenybopper #1, giggling and running barefoot: We look like such crack whores!
Teenybopper #2: Yes, that's exactly the look I'm going for.
–Park Slope
