Little girl: Orange juice is good, but oranges are bad. Peanut butter is good, but peanuts are bad. Why?
Friend: Hahahahaha! You said penis.
Little girl: Hahahahahaah! Penis!
–M104 Bus
Little girl: Orange juice is good, but oranges are bad. Peanut butter is good, but peanuts are bad. Why?
Friend: Hahahahaha! You said penis.
Little girl: Hahahahahaah! Penis!
–M104 Bus
Woman #1: We did it on his lunch break in a hotel by that cafe we like.
Woman #2: So I'm guessing it was quick?
Woman #1: Yeah, like one of those cartoons.
–Canal St
Overheard by: Mark
Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter!
–Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: Hi-D
Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean.
–Key Foods
Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then?
–32nd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Publius
Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier.
–45th St & Ave of the Americas
Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts.
–Hudson St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads…
–Metro-North Rail
Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped?
–Thompkins Square Park
Man on cell: I need attractive girls with low self-esteem so I can tell them that I understand and then do horrible things to them. This is basic science.
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: 13Atlantic
Irate Wall Street guy standing in deli: Everything! Everything! I said "everything bagel," you fucking waste of life. (to other customers in line) He always does that!
–Beaver & William
Boy, watching Hannah Montana on screen: unless she's hanging from a rope, I can't be bothered.
–AMC 7, East Village
Overheard by: agreed
Female in red coat: It's, like, the Holocaust–get over it! I didn't even care about it when it first happened.
–Bobst Lobby, NYU
Overheard by: wow.
Mom on cell: So, she's a drunkard and you're taking her to a wine tasting?
–Park Ave
Overheard by: bad idea
Snooty hipster to girlfriend: This event is missing two things. One is wine and the other is cheese.
–Book Signing, Cobble Hill
Man to woman, looking at a wine list: Sure it's good wine. Brandon buys it by the case and takes it fishing.
–W Hotel Restaurant
Overheard by: Bob Leblaw
Crazy MTA employee lady: If you step over the line you will get a fine! And will not be able to dine on all that boxed wine! The fine, it will not be divine! And then you will whine. So don't step over the yellow line!
–4 Train
Overheard by: also stepped over the line
Theology professor, after struggling with projection screen: This is Satan doing this to me.
–Lincoln Center, Fordham University
Crazy man with bullhorn: Hanukkah is for God, Christmas is for Satan!
–Fordham Plaza
Conductor: This is an uptown a train making all local stops. Yes, you heard right, all local stops. The e train is out of service today, as it is on a vacation to hell. Stand clear of the closing doors, please!
–A Train
Overheard by: Kirstie
Girl yelling to two friends across train: Jay-Z is like a devil worshipper. No, seriously, he's like a Freemason or whatever. They all are: him, Madonna, Britney…
–J Train
Seven-year-old tourist to mother: Are we going somewhere safe where the devil won't get me?
–34th & 28th
Old lady, observing lavish Christmas display: No, no, no. This is horrible.
Friend: What's so bad about it? Early Christmas stuff is just supposed to make you happy.
Old lady: All it does is make me feel like I'm dying even faster.
–Kohl's Store
Overheard by: ho ho ho
Little boy: Dad, can I try to fix your watch?
Dad: Wait until we get home.
Little boy, crying: You don't trust me with anything!
Dad: No, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just that fixing a watch is very hard. Not even David Blaine can replace a tiny screw on a crowded stretch of Broadway.
Little boy: Who's David Blaine?
–Broadway & Prince
Older teenage boy: And I'm learning shit there, too, more shit than I learned…
Friend, interrupting: At school.
Older teenage boy: At school, yeah. And they *like* my shit there, too.
–Corner of Fashion Avenue
NYU guy #1: If a girl asked me to go buy her some tampons, I wouldn't care.
NYU guy #2: Yeah. Actually, I'd rather buy tampons than condoms.
NYU guy #1: Yeah! Because like, with condoms it's like “yes, I am planning on having sex tonight”! But with tampons it's more like, “oh, what are you gonna use those for? A nose bleed?”
–Starbucks
Overheard by: fair point.
