Girl #1: He's a really great guy, and even if he can't help you, he's cute and has the most charming Irish accent…
Girl #2: Okay, but does he speak English?
–Hudson & Leonard
Girl #1: He's a really great guy, and even if he can't help you, he's cute and has the most charming Irish accent…
Girl #2: Okay, but does he speak English?
–Hudson & Leonard
Latino middle school boy: Barack Obama’s gay!
Black middle school boy: No he ain’t! He’s black!
–F Train
Overheard by: West Coast Courtney
Guy #1: I used to know the price of a bag of weed. Now I know the price of a pound of New Zealand apples.
Guy #2: Yeah, I know. I used to know the price of a lap dance from a good stripper. Now I know the price of an engagement ring.
Guy #1: What happened to you?
–33rd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Todd
Conductor to a group of passengers: You should flip the seats back, this is going to be a crowded train.
Passenger #1: Well, what if we lied down and pretended to be corpses or something? People wouldn’t take our seats then.
Conductor: No, people would just come and sit on you.
Passenger #2: But what if we were just like “We’re not dead yet!”?
Conductor: Well, they’d still sit on you, so you probably would be dead soon.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: alison
Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!
–Broadway & 13th
Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.
–The Village
Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?
–Mercury Lounge, LES
Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!
–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: ehka
Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.
–Fordham Gym
Male passenger: One of her daughters has head lice, so she didn't come in to work today.
Female companion (wincing): That's ridiculous! It's not like she has AIDS or something!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
Woman with nasal voice: I just really need to get out of here, I'd prefer to go someplace warm and interesting. But I don't know where it's warm and interesting.
Yuppie man: My boss–well, I guess I should say “my partner,” cause I made partner…but it sounds so (sexual voice) homosexual to say “my partner randy”…anyway, he just came back from Argentina and he loved it.
Woman with nasal voice: Oh! I just went to Argentina, actually. And then to Uruguay. We went to this little town, it was pretty much the Hamptons of South America.
–Barnes & Nobles, E 86th St
Guy #1: Are you gonna go see Saw 3?
Guy #2: Nah, I’m not into movies like that.
Guy #1: Why not?
Guy #2: I’m more into dramas — you know, movies where you can actually believe that what’s happening is real. Like Superman.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Don Willmott
Guy: Yeah, that was the night I pissed all over his walls.
–Fanelli’s, Prince & Mercer
Overheard by: hjane
Dude: I think she’s pretty cool, even though she tried to pee on me that one time.
–Rumours, 55th & 8th
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Girl on cell: …Well, I was, until he peed his pants. It was all downhill from there.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: kelsey
Guy on cell: She got pissed on… So do I. I guess if she can survive another two months… How much damage do you think he can do?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Al E Ro
Guy entering bank: Fuck that dragworm! It’s my bank! I’m gonna give him a tip because he stepped in front of me to hold the door? Fuck that! It’s like if I was gonna piss and he knocked my hand aside to grab my dick.
–Washington Mutual
Stoned hipster #1: Dude, Van Gogh is the Sex Pistols.
Stoned hipster #2: Huh?
Stoned hipster #1: Because, think about it: Van Gogh never sold a painting while he was alive, and the Sex Pistols never won any awards or nothing. Yet they’re both appreciated in our time.
Stoned hipster #2: It’s more like Van Gogh is The Velvet Underground.
Stoned hipster #1: Oh my god, Van Gogh is so The Velvet Underground!
–Bowery Ballroom
Overheard by: Abram
