Wednesdays Floss After Every One-Liner

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Alyssa

Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!

–Starbucks, 8th & 39th

Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!

–Times Square

Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best

Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years…

–Duane Reade

Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.

–48th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on April 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Birds, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Duane Reade, e-Bay, Ethnic Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Punch, Sensory Experiences, Starbucks, Street, Time, Times Square, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Urban Winetasting

Black Guy: You’re gonna drink that? It’ll make you throw up. You’ve gotta be hard. You need your nigger-tongue if you wanna drink that shit.

–Deli, 12th St. & 4th Ave.

Posted on April 21, 2015
Black People, Drinks, Union Square and East Village

Elegant Folks Drink Wine from a Mix

Black woman: How do you get fucked up on wine?
Black security officer: I drink that shit like it's Kool-Aid!

–F Train

Overheard by: Ohhh Yeah!

Posted on April 15, 2015
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, On the Subway, Questions, Security Guards, Women

Here, Suck on This Sugar Cube.

Son: Can I have a grape soda?
Mother: When you're 12.
Son: When I'm… 10?
Mother: When you brush you teeth better.

–49th St

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on April 11, 2015
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Drinks, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms

And My Ass… Squeaky Clean

Queer on blanket: Babe, I can totally have a drink of your water. I don't have gonorrhea anymore. My mouth is clean.
Woman: Ew!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Keith

Posted on April 7, 2015
Body Parts, Central Park, Drinks, Lesbians, STDs, Women

You Won’t Be Laughing When the “Juicy” Diet Takes America by Storm

Drunk black woman #1: No, you gotta put cocoa butter on your legs and drink water. Water keeps your body juicy!
Drunk black woman #2: Jui-cy! Bam-bam!
Drunk black woman #1: That’s right, water keeps you juicy… [Sees young Asian woman smiling at them] Oooh, she know what I’m talkin’ about! She exotic… She an Asian girl.
Drunk black woman #2: Bam-bam!
Drunk black woman #1: Yeahhh… She know what I’m talkin’ about… Oh, shit, it’s our stop… Thank God, because I’m ’bout to squat down somewhere! [Both stagger off train.]

–1 train

Overheard by: amused

Posted on March 23, 2015
Advice, Black People, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Food, On the Subway, Pee, Race, Talking/Convos

How the Orange Julius Was Born

Girl: What is this?
Guy: Orange juice!
Girl: (pause)
Guy: I mean anti-freeze!

–29th & Madison

Overheard by: AlphaBeta

Posted on March 7, 2015
Drinks, Girls, Guys, Hair, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions

Sadly, That’s the Best Offer I’ve Had All Year

Fanboy #1: Man, I hope we have time to get drinks at the bar. And a smoke, I could use a smoke.
Fanboy #2: This is crazy. A line for the men’s room — I can’t believe all the urinals are taken. Man, I gotta piss. Say, do you want to share one?
Fanboy #1, horrified: A urinal?!
Fanboy #2, quickly: No! A drink!

–New World Stages

Posted on February 21, 2015
Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Drinks, Friends, Offers and requests, Pee, Smoking, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Theater, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners: The Forgotten Borough

Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that.

–1 New York Plaza

Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?

–Wall Street

Overheard by: …I almost asked

30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens.

–Court St. & Montague

Overheard by: Kaiti

Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way!

–G Train

Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips

Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland!

–Queens

Posted on February 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Beauty, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Conductors, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Drinks, Getting Jolie'd, Girls, Happiness, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Smoking, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners in Tasseled Loafers

Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.

–6th & 55th

Overheard by: Dan

Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!

–Madison & 49th

Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.

–59th & Lexington

Overheard by: i'll take the mustang

Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.

–Deli, 33rd & 7th

Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!

–23rd & Lexington

Overheard by: tallnawkward

Posted on February 14, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Education, Ground Zero, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Suits, Times Square, Upper East Side

Drinks