Drunk boy: God, fucking Bedford is so fucking gentrified.
Drunk girl: Go to the Lorimer stop. It’s way better there.
–Bedford Avenue station
Overheard by: Ami
Drunk boy: God, fucking Bedford is so fucking gentrified.
Drunk girl: Go to the Lorimer stop. It’s way better there.
–Bedford Avenue station
Overheard by: Ami
Drunk-looking girl on cell: … And I just received a postcard of butts! Things are looking up!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Ladle
Angry soccer mom: Whoever has his or her hand on my ass, you better be one of my kids.
–Staten Island Ferry
Chick on cell: Ew! Ass striations?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle
College girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Needless to say, my ass cleared every surface he had in that room. Twice.
–Downtown B Train
Overheard by: Pola
Tall guy on cell: Listen, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you gotta do is pull out a camera. They drop their panties in a second, at least that’s what I tell the committee.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Conductor over loudspeaker: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ mama’s ass!
–F Train from Queens
Overheard by: Tina K
Sober Londoner: Did you just have a civilized conversation?
Very drunk Londoner: No, I was talking to some Australian girl.
–Eight Mile Creek
Overheard by: Adam Scholem
Ghetto lady on phone waiting for bus: Ugh. I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy to stick my hands up your ass.
–Hunts Point
Dude on cell: I think he's the same guy who stuck the jar up his ass. (pause) Well, because the camera angle was the same, and the scar…
–108th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk gay man speaking to straight couple: So I'm at the wedding talking to my future cousin-in-law about how it's not gay if he likes things in his ass, and he said that's not his problem, his problem is asking her to cut her fingernails.
–26th b/w 9th & 10th
Female suit on cell: There was something going into that butt, did I not mention that?
–10th & Hudson
Young gay guy in Daisy Dukes, shades and tank top, yammering away on cell: Is it totally acceptable to have sex on the beach there?
–43rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Anna Rose
Teen boy to friend: If I were a giant I'd fuck the Statue of Liberty!
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: Henry
Chick to friend: As soon as I get over this yeast infection, I'm gonna bang the shit out of him.
–McDonald's, Times Square
Overheard by: Keep It Movin'
Black guy on cell: Penetration?! Penetration?! It ain't about penetration, it's all about sensation.
–E 4th St
Overheard by: girl named sugar
Drunk man to drunk woman, while making out against a car: Let's just go with it…let's just fuck on top of the car.
–Bleecker & Macdougal
Girl to the guy at the next table: Haven't I slept with you before?
–Stabrucks, 78th & Lexington
Overheard by: Ashlee
Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Democrat
Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?
–7th Avenue, Park Slope
Overheard by: Chuckell
Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they’re all Democrats. Can’t trust them Democrats.
–Washington Square Park
Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: … Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I’m doing better than you, bitch! "Dream ticket!" That’s why I hate white liberals. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Republicans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.
–124th St, Harlem
Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can’t play dat shit…
–Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PdQ
Drunk guy #1: Yeah, everyone says that if Obama gets elected, he'll get assassinated. But I don't know, man.
Drunk guy #2: Fuck it, I'm voting for John McClane.
–F Train
Drunk guy, about textbook-toting passersby: Look, baby — law students!
Drunk girl: What? Where?
Drunk guy: Look at them! Haha, look! They even have books! NYU law students!
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Girl: I was so wasted last night. I think I gave a blowjob to a hobo in the park.
–St. Marks & 2nd
Overheard by: Constantino
Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!
–Flushing, Queens
Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.
–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights
Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!
–Deli at 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?
–BxM10 Bus
Overheard by: bxgirl
Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!
–30th Ave, Astoria
