20-something guy: I saw Wall-E this weekend. (pause) Then I saw Wanted to balance it out.
–Deutsche Bank Elevator
Overheard by: Katerina S,
20-something guy: I saw Wall-E this weekend. (pause) Then I saw Wanted to balance it out.
–Deutsche Bank Elevator
Overheard by: Katerina S,
Asian chick to another: I mean they were so tight they were t-i-g-h-t.
Random professor: That's pretty tight.
–Elevator, NYU
Gay American guy: For the last time, it's called “working,” not “wanking.”
Gay French guy: “Working,” “wanking,” I am French, I don't know. (proceeds to pinch American gay guy)
–Elevator, 205 Hudson
Overheard by: Harry Cooter
Man to tourist who has just pushed the “subway” button on elevator: That button doesn't work.
Tourist: Really?
Man: Yeah, you have to go to the main level and take an escalator.
Tourist: Oh. Then why is that button even there?
Man: To confuse tourists.
–Port Authority
Hungover girl #1: Oh my god, last night was so much fun! Joe kept making out with me and telling me how coked up he was.
Hungover girl #2: Oh my god, he kept making out with me too!
Hungover girl #1: Isn't he such a good kisser?
–FIT Elevator
Overheard by: MKG
Headline by: Seth
Runners-Up:
· “”Ohh- Is This YOUR Gum, Then?”” – ~m
· “And Now Our Babies Will Be Born on the Same Day!” – Katie Darling
· “Next Week, on The Bachelor…” – Catie
· “The Reason Pablo Escobar Was So Successful…” – Prashant
· “To Be Fair Though, They Share Underwear Too.” – Sam
Male hotel guest: That looks like it hurts. Do you need any ice?
Female hotel guest: No, thanks.
Male hotel guest: I better not come home and find him fucking that Russian girl in my room. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. (whisper) I'm gonna kill him…
–Elevator, Hudson
Woman #1, with water bottle in paper bag: I don't understand why they gave me a bag. What's the point of putting just a water bottle in a bag?
Woman #2: You should've just told them you didn't want one.
Woman #1: Yeah, but I didn't notice until he put it in.
(pause, then both women snicker)
–Elevator, 8th Ave
Overheard by: Mariah
Conductor on train: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the person who is annoyingly pressing the buzzer please direct him to a conductor so they can be arrested and we can all go home.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Allison
Hobo: Now you're going to give me a quarter sir, and then I'm going to arrest you.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Eric
Guy on cell: Mike is getting his crazy ass released? For real? (pause) He's paying taxes?! Thug!
–M Train
Teenybopper: I'm going to jail tonight, I don't care. I'm gonna fuckin' kill that bitch!
–30th b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: eavesdropper
Prospective employee to another: I can't believe she tells me how to fill out the fingerprint card! I've been done hauled to the precinct so many times…
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Ghetto mama: Why somebody call me from prison gotta be my husband? Hell no, that nigga is past tense!
–54 Bus
Russian woman to fat guy (after he yelled at her): Escooz me, cood you please poot your ass out of ze vindow so I can seet? (fat guy remains seated)
–B1 Bus
Overheard by: Robert
Gay: Your ass looks great! Have you started bottoming?
–Christopher St Pier
Young kid: 14th Street, like her ass on my face.
–Union Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Pza
20-something gay suit: My butt always causes friction.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Sorority hungover girl talking about birth: I came out ass first, isn't that typical?
–Denny's
Guy to chick: We will use your ass as a presentational ass.
–Weight Room, Coles Gym
Overheard by: Ladle
Teen girl to friend: I feel like my butt just came off. You ever feel like that?
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Alison
Stupid girl: I really like your scarf.
Other girl: Thanks! It's wool and bunny fur.
Stupid girl: Animal killer!
Other girl: No, I think they shave them.
Stupid girl: Oh.
Other girl: Yeah, and it's houndstooth, so I really like it.
Stupid girl: How many animals do you have in there?
–Elevator, 41st & 3rd
