Wednesday One-Liners Don't Give a Cluck

Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.

–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave

Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!

–N Train

Overheard by: I want some ribs too

Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!

–Baxter St & Walker St

Overheard by: Kristin

High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.

–86 St

Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!

–Downtown F Train

Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!

–11st St & 3rd Ave

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Birds, Black People, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Masturbation, Murder, Museums, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Porn, Queer guys, Street, Students, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Raise Your Hand If You Loved Gosford Park

Fat girl: With my connections, I could be a lawyer or executive or some nonsense like that.
Fat boyfriend: So why don't you?
Fat girl: Cuz I hate shoveling that political BS.
Fat boyfriend: So you just keep on being a janitor?
Fat girl: Maid.

–M7 Bus

Posted on April 15, 2010
Bus, Couples, Fat People, Gripes, Jobs & Careers, On the Bus, Questions

But I'll Gve You a Discount on Napkins

Frazzled suit: I just spilled my entire coffee!
Fat man in apron working the counter, pointing to sign: No free refills.

–Coffee Shop, Lower East Side

Overheard by: Danielle

Posted on March 30, 2010
Coffee, Fat People, Free stuff!, Lower East Side, Men, Only in New York, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits

…I Had a Big Lunch.

Fat black chick to random guy, rubbing and grabbing crotch: Mmm, come here baby, I washed it for ya.
Random guy: No, I don't want any of that.

–Penn Station

Posted on March 13, 2010
Biotechs, Black People, Cleanliness, Fat People, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Strangers, Vagina, Wishes & desires

We'd Like to Thank Wednesday One-Liner for This Emmy

Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.

–R Train

Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: melissa

Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.

–Union Square

Overheard by: smoking on the stoop

Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.

–17th St & Broadway

Posted on March 3, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Christians, Compare/Contrast, Computer, Crazies, Education, Fat People, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Hobos, Jesus, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Science, Street, Stupidity, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

The Original Precious Script Left Something to Be Desired

Large African-American woman: Mm-hmm.
Slightly less large African-American woman: Mm-hmm! (shakes head)

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: WA

Posted on February 26, 2010
Black People, Fat People, On the Subway, Talking/Convos, Weirdness

Can't Forget If You Never Knew in the First Place

Stupid fat American girl #1: So like, where's the World Trade Centers?
Stupid fat American girl #2: Ohmigod, are you serious? They were, like, destroyed!
Stupid Far American girl #1: Ohmigod! Are you for real? I thought that it was like, only one of them…!

–Times Square

Posted on February 25, 2010
Directions, Fat People, Girls, Ground Zero, Idiots, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Terrorism, Times Square

You Don't Expect Your New Jeep Wranglers to Have Tranny Troubles

Skinny dude: He was shocked!
Fat dude: It's not easy to shock a guy who wrangles trannies for a living.

–Q Train

Posted on February 25, 2010
Fat People, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Skinny People, Trannies, Weirdness

One-Liners Mean What Wednesdays Say They Mean

Blonde to brunette: So that made it even worser… Worser? More worse? Or is it just worse? Noooo. Worser. Or just worse? No! More worse. Worser?

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Agitated young man: I was dramatized by all dat what just happen … dramatized, son. Dramatized.

–Hospital, 10th Ave

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Obese woman pushing stroller: Yo! I told you I don't wanna hear noes, ifs, ants, or buts about it.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: john ainley

Young French lady: We are gonna weaponised a pumpkin!

–French Consulate, Upper East Side

Overheard by: James

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hospitals, Idiots, Moms, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

That's Mostly European Immigrants, Dude.

Short Indian guy in high voice: No, no, you don't understand! Immigrants do very much for this country!
Tall, fat white guy in heavy Brooklyn accent: Ahhhh, up your ass!

–F Train

Overheard by: donald morgan

Posted on February 9, 2010
Fat People, Foreigners, India Indians, Insults, KKK, On the Subway, Politics, White People

Fat People