(man and woman arguing with a foreigner)
Foreigner: How many passenger?
Man: Two.
Foreigner: Three?
Man: No, two.
Foreigner: Three?
Man: Two! Two! (holds up two fingers) Me and her! (points to the woman)
Foreigner: Ah. Three!
Man: Jesus fucking Christ, where did you come from?
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Angie
Tourist to doorman, in thick German accent: Excuse me, can you point me to the nearest Hooters?
–53rd St
Overheard by: jillcorp
Tourist taking a picture of her uncooperative teenage daughter: Shut up and pose, or I’m going to pee right on this yard.
–Central Park
Tourist about to take picture with lens cap on: Oh, shoot! Hold on, I have to take the lens cap off or else the picture is going to be really dark!
–Grand Central Terminal
Tourist girl: I don’t get it, there’s so many suits here, I thought Union Square would be full of hippies.
–City Hall Park
Tourist on cell: So far, I’ve experienced coldness and evil.
–57th & 8th
Overheard by: Lag
Large black woman with large black turban: I am a full blooded Navajo Indian, I have the right to be here on this sidewalk!
Cop she’s arguing with: Well, wait a minute. You just said you were going home to Ethiopia. How the hell can you be a Navajo?
–6th Ave b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Ben Goldman
20-something girl: I thought you said this walk was only fifteen minutes?
Eastern European guy: This is a walk of shame! Walk of shaaaame.
20-something girl (looking sad): That isn’t what this is, is it?
–Dunkin Donuts, Nostrand and Lafayette
Overheard by: Kire
Jamaican man on cell: First there is the white people, then comes the animals, then comes me!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Cog-in-the-wheel
White hipster: Don’t let the white man bring you down!
–N. 6th & Bedford Ave
Black man, yelling at UGG-wearing Fordham student passing by: White girls get loving, too. But, not with those boots!
–E. Fordham Rd & Bathgate Ave
Guy with rosary: Yo, that girl used to be so bad. Now she’s hanging out with white people and playing croquet. Or whatever that shit is.
–North Woods, Central Park
Cute black girl: Damn! White girls be steppin’ it up! They got booties now and everything!
–106th & Broadway
British girl #1: I’m hungry.
British girl #2: You know, we should eat at McDonald’s.
British girl #1: Are you for serious?
British girl #2: No, it was just jokesies.
British girl #1: Well, it was not funny, Angeline!
–Times Square
High-school teen to friend: So, like, every guy that likes me must totally be a pedophile.
–Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn
13-year-old: I mean, he’s not a pedophile, he’s just very open with his sexuality, and I like that.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelly
Lesbian on cell: I just saw these girls and they were pretty. Really pretty. And fifteen. But then I heard them talking and I realized they were French! So it’s fine. Fifteen is legal there.
–36th St & Fifth Ave
Middle-aged teacher: I have this girl in my class that’s a six-year-old with a 46-year-old woman’s body.
–Prem-On Thai
Overheard by: office peon
Guy who just got more beer: This is the happiest place on earth… Except for that kindergarten I’m not allowed to go back to anymore.
–McSorley’s, 7th & 3rd
Overheard by: I’ll drink to that!
Seven-year-old boy running after another child: I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile!
–Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: that’swhathesaid
Woman with thick Jersey accent, very seriously: I really need to get an accent. Accents are very important to people here.
–1 Train
Overheard by: McFreaky
Drunk man screaming into cell: Stop fucking yelling!
–30th & 8th
Guy on phone: It just really bugs me that she’s always talking to other people about our relationship…
–Bedford & 4th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: andebobandy
Aussie bartender with heavy accent: He was complaining that the burger wasn’t flat because it’s hand-rolled and not frozen. [pause] Fucking foreigners.
–O’Keefe’s, Court Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: NJH
Guy in wheelchair (peeing in a Snapple bottle) to friend: People are nasty.
–W 38th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Bebe
Chick #1: I saw A Clockwork Orange this weekend.
Chick #2: What’d you think?
Chick #1: Um… [Long pause.] British men are hot.
–Barnes & Noble
Young Canadian tourist boy: Did you just fart?
Sister, sternly: Shhhh Dylan! We’re in America now.
–Macy’s
