Wednesday One-Liners Calculate the Circular Pigmented Area

Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime?

–9th Ave & 14th St

Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry.

–4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn

Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things.

–A Train

Overheard by: g-lime

Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away!

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady

Posted on October 28, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Crazies, Fashion, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Kids, Lesbians, Moms, Money & Class, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, S&M, Street, The Village, Time, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It's a Beautiful Wednesday in the One-Linerhood

Teenage Guido on cell: The beer is staying in Marine Park. (pause) Yeah, we're going to Rockaway, but the beer is staying in Marine Park. In the alley. My alley! (pause) Yes! You don't understand English, dude!

–Burger King

Overheard by: Laura E.

Guy on cell: I'm always skeptical of people these days who say they want to go out in the Lower East Side. That makes me think they went to Trinity or Duke, and that they suck.

–S. Portland & Fulton

Guy on cell: This is a superficial neighborhood. They'll only hire you if you're young and hot.

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: didn't know my hood was superficial

Tan guy to messenger guy: So what kind of gay are you? Park Slope gay?

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Guy on cell, triumphantly: We're in the Financial District, bitch!

–Financial District

Posted on October 21, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Gays and Lesbians, Guidos, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Meet the Fail Whale

50-something man to friends: Have you heard about Twitter? It's a new way of communicating in short text messages. Each message is called a twoo… No, a tween. No, a twain. No, a twat… No, that's certainly not it.

–Lobby, Off Broadway Theater

Overheard by: another electric guy

Guy with iPhone: I have to twitter! Does the girl with the room above the high line know she's topless?

–The High Line

Woman, while waiting for film to start: Joan Rivers just tweeted.

–Chelsea Clearview Cinemas

Guy on cell: All those food trucks? I'm not into them, but those fucking homosexuals follow them on twitter.

–Waverly Place & MacDougal

Overheard by: Sally

Unassuming hipster with group of girl friends: Sometimes I drink just so I can tweet drunk.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Middle aged woman dressed like a teen, hitting on baseball fan: Your cat could definitely have a twitter page.

–F Train

Posted on October 21, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Internet, Men, Movie Theaters, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Rack, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women, Words

…Only the Children Of Relatives

Gay #1: I'm just nervous about holding the baby.
Gay #2: Haven't you ever held a baby before?
Gay #1: Yes, but not babies that matter!

–Candle Bar, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Jason Bowman

Posted on October 20, 2009
Babies, Bars & Clubs, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Who's Gonna Hold Wednesday's Hair While She One-Liners?

Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!

–American Eagle

Overheard by: liveyourlife

Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.

–Chinatown Bus to DC

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!

–Canal St & Broadway

Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!

–Time Warner Building

Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.

–Perry & Bleecker

Overheard by: other contenders?

Posted on October 7, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Hook Ups, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Time, Vomit, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday Isn't One-Liner. He Has a Girlfriend in Canada.

11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay.

–High Line

Overheard by: Kirby

NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours!

–5th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: Just Visiting…

Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay!

–PrideFest, Abingdon Square

Overheard by: proud dad

Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay.

–Starbucks

Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some?

–Hampton Jitney

Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so

Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar!

–Central Park Sheep Meadow

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Bus, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Dads, Fashionistas, Fitness, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Bus, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, S&M, Starbucks, Strangers, Street, The Village, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Or Buy a Lumbar Pillow for Travel

Guy #1: My ass hurts.
Guy #2: The you should stop being so gay.

–Penn Station

Posted on September 29, 2009
Ass, Backdoor, Comebacks, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Penn Station

Wednesday One-Liners Go to a Donner Party

Honest woman: I have no maternal instinct. If I had young, I would eat them.

–Artepasta Restaurant

Overheard by: subway phantom

Girl: That wasn't my idea! My idea was cannibalism!

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Green Star

Girl to another: Can I nibble your butt for a minute?

–Hunter High School

Overheard by: uh oh

Mets fan, yelling at opposing team's right fielder: Don't you look at me, number 47! I'll eat your eyeballs!

–Citifield

Overheard by: Jonathan Abraham

Guy on cell: What do you think about "Horace W. Cannibal?"

–6th & 27th

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hunter, Men, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island, Street, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Pong

Frat dude: Mickey Mantle is the one dead person I would totally bring back to life to have gay sex with.

–Yankee Stadium Museum

Overheard by: sternie

30-something fratboy to wife: He still gives me mixtapes like we're still in high school!

–65th & Broadway

Overheard by: ENGLEBERT

Young frat boy to friend, deadpan: I came on her face. Then her mom walked in.

–59th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Josie

Drunk frat boy trying to pick up a girl wearing a red and white striped shirt: I'm sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to tell you…I found Waldo.

–88th & 1st

Fratboy on phone: When was the baby born? (pause) Sick, dude!

–Penn Station

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Books & Writing, Couples, Cum, Death, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium, Yankees

Gays and Lesbians