Gays and Lesbians

Which Is Full Of Men I'd Fuck

Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the NFL.
Skinny Asian guy: I don't think he's the best, but he's pretty good.
Attractive, tall guy: He's no Joe Montana.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: That's bullshit, he's the best ever, and you can't really argue that point. Just look at how many touchdowns he has.
Skinny Asian guy: Man, you are in love with him, it's a little scary.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston (completely serious): I am, I would totally let him fuck me if he would let me hang out with him…I would be the man.
Skinny Asian guy: I thought you were straight?
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Fuck you! I am straight but that doesn't mean I can't bang Tom Brady. I wouldn't give him oral though, I don't think.
Overweight Hispanic guy drinking appletini: Football sucks compared to soccer.

–45th & Madison

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Tough guy on cell: Yeah, I was at the gay bah. It was two for ones. Whaddayou gonna do? Two for ones!

–Houston & Avenue A

Homeless man in subway station: Gay sex was invented to avoid child support.

–53rd St Subway Station

Overheard by: Billy

Woman on cell: Let me tell you something about this new generation of guys in New York: All gay.

–W 31st & Broadway

Overheard by: A passing gay man

Woman to husband: Not just a gay, but a heroin sheep gay.

–Broadway & 8th

Overheard by: TR

Cop to drunk: Who cares if you're gay? That doesn't give you the right to climb the fire escape.

–W 20th

I Mean, That Would Be Unseemly

Jersey chick: I mean, what do I do? He is like all over me but wont have sex with me. What do I do?
Girl peeing in bathroom stall: I think you should just say, “fuck me or you're gay!” I mean, that's what I would do.
Jersey chick: I just don't get it, you know. And seriously, he is the hottest guy I've ever made out with, like hotter than anyone I've ever made out with.
Girl peeing in bathroom stall: I mean seriously, just say, “fuck me or you're gay. If you don't fuck me, you are gay.” that's what I would do.
Jersey girl: But he can't be gay, he's too hot.
Girl peeing in bathroom stall: But there are a lot of hot guys who are gay. It's probably because he's so hot.
Jersey girl: I just don't know what to do. He like comes up to me and is dancing with me and telling me to come home with him. But like, I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm from Jersey! I live in Jersey, I can't just stay with him, can I?
Girl comes out from peeing in bathroom stall: I don't know dude.

–Bar, Park Ave & 27th St

Overheard by: Shawn

Rebecca

Rican tough tween chick #1: What about Rebecca?
Rican tough tween chick #2: I hear she a lesbian.
Rican tough tween chick #3: A lesbian?
Rican tough tween chick #2: Yeah, she likes girls.
Rican tough tween chick #1 (laughing): Fuck that shit. Who wants to like girls?

–Bergenline Jitney, Newark Avenue, Jersey City

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Which Is Why So Many Have Cropped Hair

Man: Lesbians aren't born. They're grown.

–Luxia, . 48th St

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

“Hello? Pot to Kettle Here. You're Wednesday One-Liners.”

Loud, obnoxious man: I hate loud, obnoxious people!

–Nomad Restaurant

Girl with brutal Long Island twang: It's just, like, if you have a Boston accent, you sound, like, so unintelligent. Like, less intelligent than other people, even if you're smart. The accent makes you sound dumb.

–7 Train

Overheard by: IDigGraves94

Angry black woman: Fuck you! I'm a lady!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Annearchist

Flamboyantly gay man on the phone: Mom, I hate you, stop being such a faggot!

–46th & 5th

Suit on cell: Yeah? Well, she's a bitch and deserves to die. You wanna know why? Because she's ugly and she talks bad about people.

–47th St & 9th Ave

Tourist chick carrying a Starbucks coffee and three shopping bags to friend: We are the type to visit Wall Street and say capitalism is bullshit!

–Broadway & Cedar

Overheard by: mondoman

The Skank with Universal Appeal

Guy #1: Shit! I wanna tea-bag that skank.
Guy #2: I know!
Guy #2's girlfriend: Me too, definitely.

–Duane Reade

And He Barely Has Any Open Sores on His Face

Surprised Teen, after a lengthy conversation between her friend and guy friend: He's gay?
Friend: Mmmhmm…
Surprised Teen: Can't be! He's soooo nice!

–Penn Station

Gayer Than Marcus Brody's Relationship with Indy's Dad?

Small child #1: Look, they got toys out already and the movie isn't even out yet!
Small child #2: Yo, that's crazy gay!

–Toys R Us, Times Square

Overheard by: Tim

Duck I'd Like To Fry?

Hot gay ginger: Ooh! Look at how yummy these grapes look!
Cute half-Asian: Not as yummy as that dilf outside…

–Dean & Deluca

Overheard by: reid r.

Headline by: Myrtle Willoughby

Runners-Up:
· “And So Grape Nuts Were Born” – DRS
· “How to Toss a Half-Asian Salad” – jeffreydanna@gmail.com
· “It’s Official: Gay Men Are the New Teenage Girls.” – Steve
· “Some People Just Prefer Bananas” – Hot gay ginger
· “That’s Why They Call It the Fruit Section.” – Jesse

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