Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Real

Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.

–LaGuardia Arts

Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!

–LIRR

Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!

–St. Mark's Place

Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"

–13th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: kdub

Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!

–42nd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Couldn't agree more

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, College, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Height, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

After Calling “No Homo,” Though

Geeky 30-something Asian man: He keep telling me “Fuck me! Fuck me!” so I tell him “Fuck you!” and I fuck him!
Mother: (not paying attention).
Geeky 30-something Asian man: I am a man! I put my dick in him for five minutes.
Mother: (not paying attention).

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Malta Paul

Posted on February 17, 2009
Asians, Backdoor, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Men, Moms, Penis, Starbucks, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday Would Hit These One-Liners in a Heartbeat

Random guy to everyone nearby: Yes, you are sexier than Conor Oberst–all of you.

–McCarren Park

Overheard by: Chris K

Beer guy: I got sexy beer for sexy people! Beer so cold it talks back to you! If you don't drink beer, you die!

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Damn, I'd better by a beer…

Little boy in preppy school uniform to Asian teenage girl: Mmmmmmm…I like sexy girls. I like them a loooot. (takes out imaginary cell phone) Mmmm, mmhmm…I'd like that. Ohhh.

–M1 Bus

Hobo to guy carrying mirror: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sssssexiest of 'em all?

–13th & 5th

Freshman to group of friends: Yo, when Jack* first got his hair cut it looked mad weird, but now it looks mad sexy, no homo. It kind of looks like the Jonas Brothers.

–Bard High School Early College

Columbia girl: She was sexy, but she shouldn't have done that. That's so Adam Smith.

–1 train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on February 11, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Boys, Brooklyn, Cell Phone, College, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Horny, Music, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Preppies, Sex, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Showing Up on Your Stoop

Woman: In Central Park right now, the Mormons are in full bloom!

–Bandshell, Central Park

Overheard by: Mojosaves

Chick to boyfriend: I could really use some Viagra, maybe I can get some from my grandpa. (pause) Wait, never mind, he's Mormon.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Girl: What do the Mormons have against gay people? Is it because the gays dress better? I mean, Mormons only like to wear white shirts and black pants.

–Uptown A Train

Deliriously drunk woman: I was Mormon!

–Times Square

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Central Park, Clothing, Colors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Questions, Religion, Sex, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Sung Liners

Blonde middle aged woman, singing, to the tune of "Winter Wonderland": Walking in a Weeeeeiner Wonderland…

–Food Store, 57th St

Hobo, rummaging in trash, to tune of "Blue Suede Shoes": One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go, cat, go. Gonna rob this town, rob this town tonight.

–79th & Broadway

Overheard by: thevineyard

am New York guy, singing loudly: Get am New York! Stay dry! Thank god you're aliiiiiiive!

–Union Square Subway Entrance

Hobo, singing while passing by shopping cart: Push, push in the bush, yeah, push it in the bush!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Gay gentleman, singing in response to another gay gentleman dancing down the street in pouring rain: He's gayer in the rain, he's gayer in the rain!

–W 23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jess

Man to Spanish guy singing "La Bamba": Shut the fuck up!

–51st St Station

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Free stuff!, Gays and Lesbians, Grocery Stores, Guys, Happiness, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, One-liners, Only in New York, Queer guys, Shopping, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thievery, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Bloodliners

Girl to guy: And then he cheated on me with his male and female cousin.

–9th & 21st, Chelsea

Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sister.

–72nd & Central Park West

Guido, getting his hair cut, in a thick Staten Island accent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can't bang your stepsister.

–Staten Island Barber Shop

Overheard by: Snewsboy

Dude on cell: Bitch, I don't care how much you give me, your ass just ain't worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sister.

–Coffee Shop, Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: really hope he didn't mean what i thought…

Girl to mother, after game: I'd rather go down on my sister than take the d train to Times Square right now.

–Old Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: datura0001

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Barbershop, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Family Ties, Free stuff!, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Incest, Infidelity, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

Your Editors Have Warned You About This

Guy in stall, as Coldplay's “Viva La Vida” begins to play: Hello? Yeah, what's up? Nothing, just takin' a dump. Taking a dump. Okay, I'll call you later.
Guy in next stall: Fuckin' Coldplay? How gay are you?
Guy in stall: Fuck you, dude!

–TGI Friday's, 5th Ave

Posted on January 24, 2009
Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Insults, Music, Pee, Restaurants & Cafes

Learned All About That in College

Woman #1: So, you ever have one of your guy friends crash at your place and then try to make a move on you?
Woman #2: Of course.
Woman #1: I mean, I'm in my bed and he's in the living room on the couch, and suddenly he's there trying to kiss me and slip his hand up my shirt. I was like, “What the hell, dude, I thought you were gay!”
Woman #2: I know. I always kick them out, right there and then.
Woman #3: But sometimes, I'm so drunk, I just go with it, you know?

–Fiddlesticks Bar

Posted on January 9, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Gays and Lesbians, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kick, Sex, Women

Which Is Full Of Men I'd Fuck

Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the NFL.
Skinny Asian guy: I don't think he's the best, but he's pretty good.
Attractive, tall guy: He's no Joe Montana.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: That's bullshit, he's the best ever, and you can't really argue that point. Just look at how many touchdowns he has.
Skinny Asian guy: Man, you are in love with him, it's a little scary.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston (completely serious): I am, I would totally let him fuck me if he would let me hang out with him…I would be the man.
Skinny Asian guy: I thought you were straight?
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Fuck you! I am straight but that doesn't mean I can't bang Tom Brady. I wouldn't give him oral though, I don't think.
Overweight Hispanic guy drinking appletini: Football sucks compared to soccer.

–45th & Madison