Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 9, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Film, Girls, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Porn, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Smoking, Store, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Like the Way You Think!

Girl: If they all died, he wouldn't have any problems.
Guy: Not everyone, just my grandmother.

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on May 8, 2015
Death, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Hey, Man, Where Do You Think Families Come From?

Young woman #1: Guys never want to eat me out.
Middle-aged dad with kids: Hey, we’re trying to eat over here.
Young woman #1: See, even hearing about it freaks them out.
Young man at next table: Maybe I can take a look for you and give you my assessment.
Middle-aged dad with kids: For God’s sake, this is a family restaurant!
Young woman #2: You have a very controversial vagina.

–Mickey D’s, Times Square

Posted on May 8, 2015
Bimbettes, Dads, Eating Out, Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Vagina

We Don’t Rave with Good Dancers

Chick: What are you doing this weekend?
Guy: I’m going to a passover rave.
Chick: What the hell is a passover rave?
Guy: That’s where we have a Seder, then drop ecstasy and go dancing.
Chick: That is so awesome. Can I come?
Guy: You’re not Jewish.

–Waiting Room, Pacific College of Acupuncture Clinic

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on May 7, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, College, Default, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Hospitals, Judaism, Leisure, Music, Offers and requests, Questions

One Still Occasionally Meets a Lady of the Old School

Bimbette: Oh my god, and he totally had pubes all over his bed–
Irritated chick, interrupting: –What the fuck? Why the hell do you care if he had pubes all over his bed?!
Bimbette: … I… Uh…
Irritated chick: Just shut up, bitch.

–Macy’s

Posted on May 7, 2015
Bimbettes, Girls, Hair, Insults, Store

Or Maybe It’s the Fact That I’m Joan of Arc

Chick: I’m European. Europeans don’t wait on line — this is bull. [Two hours later, to bathroom attendant] Yeah, well, I was born and raised in Queens, so I guess that’s why I’m so outspoken.

–Crobar

Overheard by: Ioulia Fedorova

Posted on May 7, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Girls, Global Geography, Gripes, Liars, Lies, U.S. Geography

Ultralubricated Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Curly-haired chick: Your condom consumption should not intimidate people.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Woman: He bought a car? With seven grand you buy condoms… or a house. But a car?

–6 train

Overheard by: Sabrina

Girl on cell: So I’m just at the pharmacy picking up a prescription… [Lowers voice] You know, my pills… What? My pills! You know, those pills I take so that I don’t get pregnant when your dumb ass busts inside me!

–Duane Reade, 34th & Park

Overheard by: Laughing my dumb ass off

Perky girl to friend: Yeah, and then he said, ‘What the heck?’ and flung the condom across the room.

–Astor Pl

20-ish chick: The ribs do nothing for me, but I buy ‘Her pleasure’ condoms for political reasons.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Young girl, panicky: Do you know where I can find the morning-after pill?!

–CVS

Posted on May 6, 2015
Advice, Default, Duane Reade, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village, Williamsburg, Women

Whereas I Love Tacos

White hip girl #1: You know it’s funny I like to date and have sex with black and Italian men, but I can’t eat dark meat.
White hip girl #2: Wow, really? That is weird.

–CVS, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Heather C

Posted on May 6, 2015
Brooklyn, Girls, Hipsters, Race, Sex, White People

It Pays to Get Season Tickets

Girl #1, walking into the bathroom: Are these stalls all full?
Girl #2 from inside stall: Seat's taken!
Girl #3, in stall next to her: Taken!

–Bar, 39th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on May 6, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Weirdness

Remember How I Taught You to Fight Back with Knives?

Yuppie mom: We’re never riding the subway again.
Little girl: Why?
Yuppie mom: Everyone keeps hitting you on the head.
Little girl: So? I love the subway.
Yuppie mom: Well, the subway doesn’t love you.

–Times Square

Posted on May 6, 2015
Comebacks, Default, Girls, Gripes, Moms, Public Transportation, Times Square, Yuppies

Girls