God girl #1: … And then Todd* called Jake* a scumbag! Can you believe he said that?!
God girl #2: No, he didn’t call him that. He called him something else, but the same…
God girl #1: Oh… Douchebag! He called him a douchebag!
God girl #2: Yeah, I didn’t know what that meant. No one uses that word.
God girl #1: I heard it three years ago, and that’s only because I moved to the city.
–1 train
Girl: My new roommate gets freaked out by my composting. She’s like, why are there egg shells and coffee grounds in this bin?
Boy: She has other things to be more freaked out about, like her mustache.
–B54 Bus
Hipster Pee-wee Herman lookalike to friend: Oh, and when I give her anilingus to let me direct a show? You're totally gonna be in it!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Flea
Man: I believe some of this will be made up.
–Going into Wicked, Broadway
Overheard by: CAM
Black highschool girl: Oh my god, why do they keep singing?
—In the Heights, Broadway Musical
Overheard by: Cookie
Woman in Jersey accent: Is this the one about the boy who wants to be a horse or the girl who wants to be a fish?
–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: HarlemRy
Daniel Radcliffe fan girl: I have to be in this show some day. Even if I'm eighty, I gotta be in this show with him. I'd be like, "put it in me! Put it in me!"
–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: Nikki
Man leaving Hair: Well, that beats the hell outta Shakespeare!
–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Girl: What does your peanut butter taste like?
Friend, eating peanut butter: Was that a come-on?
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy: I mean, you don't really need a shotgun to kill deer. I think a bow and arrow is much cooler.
Girl: Totally.
–Otto's, 14th & B
Overheard by: HaleyBailey
Excited girl: Oh, look! A block party!
Other girl: Nope. That's a group of homeless people.
–92nd & 2nd
Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.
–C Train
Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.
–23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Louisa
Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!
–93rd St, Bay Ridge
Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BK
Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Celia
Guy to three cute girls: You’re the best looking gay guys I’ve seen all day!
–Christopher & Bedford
Chick to dude: You could wear a dress if you wanted to.
–Broadway
Abercrombie tot: Wait, you can’t carry a boy dog in a purse. That’s unnatural!
–Penn Station
Tween girl to friends: No, she’s a boy now and she looks gay.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: R
Cute brunette: Who am I, forcing your lovers into a male-female dichotomy? I am terrible!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl #1: Yeah, I think those are real trees. Otherwise, I don’t think they would grow like that.
Girl #2: Yeah, I think you’re right.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Alison Kiczek
