Teenage black girl to white guy and black girlfriend: Take her to Red Lobster! Red Lobster is the best. It's like an expensive date restaurant.
50-something black guy, interrupting: Red Lobster? Are you fucking serious? Red Lobster is fast food!
Teenage girl, after rethinking: Well… There's a Denny's in Brooklyn.
–LIRR
Girl: I haven't told my new roommate that our upstairs neighbor sounds like the Count when she's having sex.
–L Train
Man to two female companions: Don't you hate it when you go into your bathroom and find your roommate's pubes on the sink?
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Sarah
Jersey mom: We're so lucky she got a good roommate, one that doesn't stay up late or listen to rock music.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Liz
Guy to friend: If you are 35 and living in New York with 3 roommates, you should just shoot yourself, right?
–Outside Whole Foods, Union Square
Confused NYU male: The only people I would consider hooking up with are like, my roommate and like, Carl, my cousin.
–University Place & E 9th
Guy: Guess what? We had sex.
Girl: (gasp)
–8th St & University Pl
Overheard by: JBeck
Girl #1: That looks like your wedding band.
Guy: Yeah, it could be mine.
Girl #2: What?
Guy: Two months after we got married, I threw my wedding band into the ocean.
–Brooklyn Flea Market
Overheard by: Ferris
Girl #1: Did you hear about that thing in Africa?
Girl #2: What thing?
Girl #1: About how there aren't enough female elephants, so the males started raping rhinos.
Girl #2: Wow, I knew Africa was fucked up, but even the animals go around raping and stuff. What a messed up country!
–Wagner College
Angry drunk girl to Guido friend she's dragging along: Hey, it's Laura*! (yelling) Hey you, Laura, you fucking slut! I heard you fucked Tommy*! You fucked my boyfriend, you fucking whore!
Laura: Hey, fuck you! I'll fuck whoever I want to fuck.
Angry drunk girl: You fucking slut! I can't fucking believe you!
Laura: Pipe down. His dick is tiny. Get a man with a real package, then I'll fuck him, and then you can complain.
Angry drunk girl: You whore!
Passerby: God, I love me some Bridge and Tunnel on a Saturday night.
Angry drunk girl: Did he just call us “Bridge and Tunnel”?! That dick!
–86th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Actually, it's WHOMever: you'll fuck WHOMever you want to fuck.
Girl, eating chocolate Cadbury Creme Egg: Oh my god, you have to try this.
Boyfriend: What's inside?
Girl: The cum of the gods.
–71st St & Columbus
Girl: You know how, like, Chris* lives in the Bronx?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: And you know how like there are drive-bys there all the time, right?
Guy: (gives her a skeptical look)
Girl: Well, Chris* was going home late the other night and there was a drive-by! He says he saw blood and everything! Can you believe that? Blood! Ewwwwww!
Guy: If you witnessed a drive-by shooting your first reaction would be, “ewwwwww!”? Mine would be “I gotta get out of here before I get shot!”
Girl: Anyway, it just proves my point about the Bronx.
–6 Train
Young girl: Are you Jewish?
Thirty-something guy in suit: No. Are you?
Young girl: No.
Thirty-something guy in suit: Why? Is that a prerequisite for a one night stand?
Young girl: Am I seriously hearing this?
–Blind Pig, 14th St
Overheard by: Seventh Floor Walk-up
