Or the Email I Sent You. Or the Registered Letter

Girl: Dad, I know what we are getting mom for Hanukkah.
Dad: What?
Girl: New mascara, hers is getting lumpy.
Dad: I think she deserves more than that.
Girl: If you want to see what I want, you can look at the folder on my desktop.

–86th & 3rd Ave

Posted on March 10, 2022
Advice, Dads, Default, Gifts, Girls, Holidays, Judaism, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

We Have Our First Victim

Teen boy: They should have a test for eveyone coming out of high school to weed out the stupid kids from the gene pool. If you don’t pass, you die.
Teen girl: Yeah, like how momma hamsters eat their babies when they know they won’t make it in the real world.

–6 train

Posted on March 7, 2022
Animals & Nature, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Education, Girls, On the Subway, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teens

What Matters is a Happy Ending

Girl: God, it’s getting so cold! I should’ve brought my winter coat!
Guy: You don’t need a coat, you need a hot man to warm you up.
Girl: I need that, too…but I’d start with a coat.

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Mallory McMahon

Posted on March 2, 2022
Advice, Bimbettes, Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Parks, Pick-up Lines, Weather

Your Editors Only Wish We Could Stop Watching Her

Guy: Snookie is not even Italian. She is Chilean.
Girl: Snookie is a creature of her own. I don't know what she is… She likes pickles.

–7th & 1st

Overheard by: R

Posted on March 1, 2022
Food, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, The Village

Raise Your Hand If You're Craving a Burger Now

Hot girl #1: And he said, “I hate that bitch, I wish she'd eat an Aids burger and die!”
Hot girl #2: He said that?
Hot girl #1: Yep, that's what he says when he's hating on people: “I wish she'd eat an Aids burger and die.”
Hot girl #2: Well, at least he's saying what I'm thinking… That's like when I see an anorexic girl, I'm like, “I just wanna shove a burger down that bitch's throat.”
Hot girl #1: Oh, well, I'm not thinking that. I'm just like, “I wanna break her bones.”
(they laugh)
Hot girl #1: It's true! I'm like, “I just wanna blow gently, and watch you blow away.”

–L Train

Overheard by: Eden Twilight

Posted on February 24, 2022
Body Parts, Death, Diet/Weight, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, On the Subway, Wishes & desires

The Technicolor Yawn Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Vomiting is prohibited on this train. Please, no vomiting on this train.

–LIRR

Conductor: There are only three reasons for an empty train car. A) it smells. B) it's hot. C) someone threw up.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Laura

Gay NYU student: I've already been through the cycle. Eat, vom, feel better about life.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Conductor: There will be no vomiting on this train. Repeat. There will be no vomiting on this train. (short pause) If you have to vomit, vomit on yourself.

–LIRR, Drunk Train

Overheard by: Jason

Girl to two guy friends: Last night I was traveling back on the train, and there was, like, an airsick bag in the thing and I got a craving for Gardetto's, because the last time we were traveling… (becomes inaudible)

–Atlantic & Bond, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Boyfriend to wasted girlfriend: Baby, I swear. This is the best place in New York to throw up. (girlfriend pukes)

–MacDougal St, The Village

Overheard by: Reid Rogers

Posted on February 14, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, NYC Geography, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday's Great With One-Liners

Eight-year-old girl, singing: Fat lips, big lips, get your pregnant lips here!

–6 Train

Out-of-breath man on steps: Okay, man, breathe. Breathe like you're having your first child!

–W4 Subway

Overheard by: Keep Pushing On!

Pregnant woman on cell: So, yeah, I'm about 5 centimeters dilated, so I'm going to get a Tasti D-Lite and then go to the hospital.

–Rockefeller Center

Hot skinny, Asian girl to hot, skinny, blonde friends: So, am I going to get pregnant this month or what?

–57th & Park

Overheard by: would have liked to help her

Girl on phone: Okay, so I got the pregnancy test and the vodka. We'll see which one wins.

–6 Train

Posted on February 14, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Skinny People, Weirdness

The New-Car Smell Of Wednesday One-Liners

Old Jewish lady to moron who parked in the walkway: Move your vehicle! Citizen’s arrest! Get the fuck out of my way!

–Brooklyn

Cop over squad car loudspeaker, to a cab driver: You’ve got to be kidding! Pull over your car now.

–74th St & Park Ave

Guy on cell: Driving? No, we shouldn’t take cars. Because people are gonna be drinkin’ and poppin’ pills and I want everyone to be safe!

–Union Square

Overheard by: rpk

Professor: So how many of you drive pick-up trucks?… Oh wait we’re in New York City, don’t see many pick-up trucks here… And why is that? Well of course it’s because you’d park your car one night and the next morning a small family of three will have a tent pitched in the back. Now there’s an awkward conversation… "Uhm excuse me, good morning but I kiiiind of need to drive to work so if you could unpitch the tent… That’d be excellent."

–St. John’s University, Queens

NYU girl on cell: No! I told you I wanted four doors! OK, love you, bye. (hangs up phone) Seriously, I told my dad I have too many friends for a two door, but that’s all he’s looking at! It’s like he’s not even buying the car for me. He’s so selfish!

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: Angie

Older woman on line at the Guggenheim to young British male who has been talking with a friend: "I programmed my car to sound just like you!"

–89th St & 5th Ave