Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Waiting for Those Boy Scouts to Come Out

Hot girl on cell: You got cockblocked by cancer! (pause, then very seriously) Is your pussy still radioactive?

–Upper East Side

Grown man talking to grown woman: You know the sandy vagina?

–32nd & 8th

Street man to slutty-looking hipsters: Freeze! Drop your drawers! We've got your pussy surrounded!

–2nd Ave

Overheard by: Maureen

30-something woman on cell: I like to use a blowdryer on the… uh… vaginas.

–D Train

Girl, screaming into cell: No, I will not give you my vagina!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Can I borrow it?

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Cancer, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, As God Made Them

Woman on cell: You know, if it weren't for you, I'd be naked right now!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Woman on cell: So I enrolled him in that clothing optional preschool…

–Midtown

Overheard by: My preschool wasn't like that!

Burly guy on cell: Do me a favor: when you get back to the shop… No, listen, when you get back to the shop, sit backwards on the bike and have him rev it up. Naked. You'll cum in three seconds. No, trust me, trust me. Alright? Love you, darlin'. Bye.

–45th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: I want to ride my bicycle

Guy on cell: Alright, well, if I see you naked I'm probably gonna run away.

–15th & 8th

Girl, looking at nude painting: Finally, a woman with pubes!

–MoMA

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Cum, Elementary & Middle School, Girls, Guys, Hair, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, MoMA, Nudity, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Time, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And My Mom Already Hates You

Hipster turned emo #1: So, I was thinking that I should just dye my hair black, wear a lot of dark eyeliner, and talk about how much my mom hates me.
Hipster turned emo #2: I think that's a great idea, but you also need to stop representing yourself as a happy individual, and make sure that the black eyeliner has that smudgy look.
Goth fat kid with way too many piercings: Shut the fuck up already. You're wasting my oxygen.

–Union Square

Posted on September 8, 2009
Fat People, Goths, Gripes, Hair, Happiness, Hipsters, Insults, Makeup, Parents, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Destiny's Child: Really Makes You Think

Salesgirl: And this is the Carol's Daughter line of hair and body products. The creator named it after her mother, Carol.
Sarcastic customer: Really? Wow, I'd never imagine that.
Salesgirl, not getting sarcasm: Yeah, isn't that really cool?

–Sephora, W 34th St

Overheard by: nisey79

Posted on September 5, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Customers, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Names, Parents, Questions, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

Who Wears the Pants in Your Wednesday One-Liners?

Older man: If you drank a thousand gallons of beer, and then took off your pants…

–79th & West End

Girl to guy with beavers on pants: Excuse me, are those beavers on your pants?

–6 Train

20-something preppy girl on cell: Whenever I'm cheating on my boyfriend, I take off my pants and pretend to be an albino bunny.

–Central Park

Overheard by: that one girl

Guy on cell: If I don't get in her pants tonight, I'm gonna fuck you up!

–1st Ave

Aging drag queen to friend: It's much better than sick obsessions with blond males between the ages of 18 and 25 who always take their pants off to play GameCube.

–The Village

Overheard by: Amused NYU Tischie

Posted on August 19, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drag queens, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Infidelity, Men, Nudity, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Preppies, Questions, Sex, Street, The Village, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

But at Least You Didn't Accidentally Drink the Nair This Time

Middle-aged blonde woman: We had a bottle of Nair and beer bottles in the shower. Woke up hungover, with no hair, in my underwear.
Middle-aged brunette woman: That's just sad.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Markle

Posted on August 13, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Hair, Penn Station, Waxing, Weirdness, Women

And Only I Am Escaped Alone to Tell Thee

20-something girl: You know what I miss? The 90s.
20-something gay guy: Oh, hell no, girl. Do you remember the hair? People had all that damn Aqua-Net left over from the 80s and didn't know what to do with it!

–NYU

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on July 24, 2009
Girls, Hair, Nostalgia, NYU, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Have Room in Their Closets Anymore

Gay guy to friend: I woke up this morning with a condom hanging out my butt. Was that you?

–Madison Square Park

Gay 30-something: Ugh, Borat quotes are like the UGG boot of conversation.

–Broadway & Spring

Really gay guy to friend: You don't know about the Holy Trinity? It's Liza, Judy and Barbra!

–Fort Washington Ave. & 183rd St

Overheard by: RED

Flamboyant gay: My hair's too straight. I need to gay it up a bit.

–Bryant Park

Flamboyant guy: My life in New York has been more fabulous than I ever thought! I almost hit Elaine Stritch with a car this weekend!

–W 18th St

Overheard by: Dan Friedman

Posted on July 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Bryant Park, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Hair, Madison Square Garden, Movies, Parks, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Shoes, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

White People Wish They Were Wednesday One-Liners

Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical

Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.

–Steinway St

Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: kpan

Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?

–Uptown W Train

Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.

–W 14th & 6th

Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.

–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Black People, Classroom, Colors, Friends, Girls, Hair, Height, Kids, KKK, NYU, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

A Weave Covers a Multitude Of Sins, Just Not That One

Girl #1: All I know is, you need to take care of your pussy first, then worry about your damn hair.
Girl #2: I already told you I'm goin' to the damn doctor to get that shit looked at, now lemme go get my extensions in peace.
Girl #1: You can get all the extensions, weaves and whatnot you want, but if your pussy stays rotten, ain't nobody gonna get anywhere near that shit.
Girl #2: Bitch, will you shut up about my damn pussy. Everybody gotta hear about my pussy? Shit, now we got half the damn city hearing about my pussy!
Girl #1: They probably smell it too.
Girl #2: Fuck you, bitch!
Girl #1: Say fuck you all you want, a weave and fixing your pussy.

–40th & 8th

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Posted on July 5, 2009
Advice, Girls, Hair, Insults, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sensory Experiences, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Hair