My So-Called Wednesday One-Liner

Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?

–The Library, East Village

Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Charlotte

Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: Publius

Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen

Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.

–80th St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on June 9, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, B-List, Body Parts, Central Park, Education, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Kids, Library, Moms, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, School and studying, Time, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Mattel's “Fuck Math” Barbie Has Been Wildly Successful

Little boy to sister: What's the perimeter of a rectangle?
Sister: Big foot!!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on June 6, 2010
Kids, Questions, Science, Sisters, Union Square and East Village

And Let's Not Forget Suck-the-venom-out-of-the-snake-wound Kisses!

Black dude: When I was a kid, I use to fake choke, so my mom would give me the Heimlich maneuver, whenever I wanted a hug. (pause) You know, one of those “just because” hugs.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Mike D

Posted on June 4, 2010
Black People, Choke, Fakes, Hugs, Kids, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Does Anyone Ever Say “Yes”?

Horribly dressed woman at kebab stand, holding her wallet: So, you wanna see my kids or what?!

–28th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Ren

Posted on June 4, 2010
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Kids, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Bypass the Language Center Of the Brain

Cosmetology teacher: We do not do sterilization in this class. That is what they do in a medical lavatory.

–Cosmetology Class, Astoria

Overheard by: Kelsey

Fat black teen shoving past white couple: I like how they ain't know how a say "excuse me."

–Wilson ave, Bushwick

Xerox repairman on cell: Yo, you sound like John Lecoozigamo! He's a comedian. Le-cooz-I-ga-mo.

–132nd St & Cypress

Overheard by: office drone

Middle-aged mother with thick Staten Island accent on cell: Ronny, where are you?! We are standing outside and we are freezing the children!

–New York City Transit Museum, Brooklyn

Indignant thug to thugette: I told her we wasn't together. How did she know I'm with you? Did you tell her differentwise?

–Q20 Bus

Overheard by: Liza

Posted on June 2, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Astoria, Black People, Brooklyn, Bus, Classroom, Clerks, Couples, Education, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, Kids, Moms, More museums, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Promiscuity, Science, Street, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Bronx, Thugs, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Go on Maury to Establish Paternity

Irritated tourist mother to baffled seven-year-old daughter: Your father is such a fuckin' dickwad! And let me tell you–he wasn't even inspired the night we made you.

–Times Square

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Guy on cell: I haven't talked to my dad in over three years, and this morning he friended me on Facebook.

–1st Ave & 89th Street

Overheard by: Citats

Guy on cell: Well, I wouldn't say I have the best relationship with my father, no. Umm… Well, for example, if he answers the phone when I call the house he says "Oh. Hey, failure."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Olivia

Woman on cell to friend: Uh-huh girl, I brought William to his donors' house and he didn't want to watch him. I said "William, William, say goodbye to your donor because he don't wanna watch you today."

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Upper East Side girl at brunch with girlfriends: I need to find a new apartment because when I do the walk of shame I keep running into my dad.

–80th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Comebacks, Facebook, Family Ties, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Relationships, Stupidity, Times Square, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…With Good Hair

Hobo, yelling: Bi-racial couple!
Interracial couple, in unison: Yeah…?
Hobo, yelling: Here's to the future, let all of our children be tan!

–6th Ave

Posted on May 25, 2010
Couples, Hobos, Kids, Physical appearance, Race, Street

You Never Saw Fran Drescher Running

Little white boy, running down street: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
Black female nanny, pushing stroller behind little boy: Run to the bus! Run! Run!
White man in suit, trotting a couple paces behind black woman: Aaaaaaaaaaah!

–8th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: amused tourist

Posted on May 25, 2010
Black People, Kids, Suits, The Village, Weirdness, White People

…Where You Ignore Me When I Talk

Little girl: Mom, it's okay, I'll be fine.
Mom: Are you sure, sweetie? You know you always call me and tell me how much you miss me when I'm away.
Little girl: Yeah, mom, but I miss you at home.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Brok

Posted on May 24, 2010
Battery Park, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Moms, Parents, Parks

In Your Pocket?

Old man to kid with musical instrument case: Gotta big case there.
Kid: Yep, I need it for school.
Old man: Is that a shotgun?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Knively

Posted on May 23, 2010
Education, Elementary & Middle School, Instruments, Kids, Old People, On the Subway, Weapons

Kids