Little boy: Dad, can I try to fix your watch?
Dad: Wait until we get home.
Little boy, crying: You don't trust me with anything!
Dad: No, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just that fixing a watch is very hard. Not even David Blaine can replace a tiny screw on a crowded stretch of Broadway.
Little boy: Who's David Blaine?
–Broadway & Prince
Skinny kid #1: Man, she owned me. It was crazy. There were handcuffs and blood all around. It was crazy!
Skinny kid #2: Wait… What? What are you talking about?
–Elizabeth & Houston
Overheard by: A little worried about this
Little girl: What's a credit card?
Father: That, you don't need to know.
–Wachovia ATM, Broadway & 10th St
Young child to mother: I am not psychic.
–Downtown B Train
Overheard by: furf
Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic!
–NYU
Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Bikram Curious
Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right?
–Hunter College
Overheard by: trapped@hunter
Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back.
–49th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Lara
Ghetto dad to little boy wearing knight's helmet: I don't know who the fuck's son you are, but I love you.
Little boy, muffled through helmet: I luf you do!
–3rd Ave & 9th St
Guy #1: It's too bad, 'cuz the good child actors always grow up to be terrible adult actors.
Girl #1: Not always. You have people like Drew Barrymore…
Girl #2: Or Doogie Howser.
Guy #2: Neil Patrick Harris! He has a name!
–St. John the Divine Cathedral
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Father to son: Son, I love you, fuckface!
Son to father: I love you too.
–37th & 4th
Overheard by: Jonas Puer
Girl on cell: You told me that bitch was dead, but I just saw her in Key Food.
–Williamsburg
Middle school girl: No, he wasn't dead, but you'll never guess what happened.
–Penn Station
Man on phone: No! No! Do you hear me!? Listen! It's time to die!
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: J Harmony
Man on cell: I went back into the room 30 minutes later and he was still breathing! What are we going to do?
–8th & 34th
Overheard by: Bret B
Adorable three-year-old girl to mother: When I die you can have all of my shiny stuff!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: The Green Cat
Teenage boy, explaining why he joined the Air Force: We've been around since World War II. We fought against the Germans and sank several submarines. We also killed a whale, but that's not the point.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
20-something dude to friend: Ma-fucking-rines! The Marines! Man, I'ma join up, be a Marine, and go all over the world, fuck, and have babies. I'ma get laid and have a baby in every country: Spain, France… even Pakistan!
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: camillia*
Little boy in army fatigues hiding behind fallen tree: Pow! Pow! Look, mommy! It's the Battle of the Bulge!
–St. Mark's
Lady with Russian accent to salesperson in outerwear section: I don't like the style, it's not feminine. It's like for soldiers, or Chinese people.
–Lord & Taylor, 39th St
Overheard by: mira
Off-duty MTA worker to another: Britain? Whatever man, we beat they ass with… muskets and shit!
–6 Train
Young son: Mom, you know I puke when you make me sit in the back of the bus.
Irritated Jewish mother: Just sit down.
Young son: Then… don't come crying to me when I throw up on you!
–M5 Bus
