Little girl eying food at counter: Mommy, how much is a dollar?
Absent-minded mother: Thirty-six cents.
–LaGuardia
Little girl eying food at counter: Mommy, how much is a dollar?
Absent-minded mother: Thirty-six cents.
–LaGuardia
Flight attendant: Once again, please remain seated until the captain does turn off the ‘Fasten seatbelt’ sign… That includes all passengers in row nine… That includes all passengers wearing a blue polo… Yes, thank you, and have a great day.
–JFK
Pilot: Welcome to JetBlue flight 703 to San Juan… I’m from South Carolina. We do something special there — we let our kids drive at the age of fifteen. I’ve got a 15-year-old son and a 16-year-old daughter, so if you’re thinking of driving to Florida, do me a favor and fly JetBlue — it’s safer than driving through South Carolina, and my car insurance for my daughter last year was 15 hundred dollars, and now I have to add my son, so I really need this job to afford it.
–JFK
Overheard by: alan b hutscar
Flight attendant: … And if you do require anything during this flight, simply press the button located above your head. Do not approach the galley, as it scares the hell out of me and I am not emotionally prepared to handle that today.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Sheffler
Flight attendant: … And be sure that you lock your tray tables and place your seat backs in their least comfortable position for takeoff.
–JFK
Overheard by: Ardbeg78
Pilot: Well, folks, I’m sorry about the delay, but, uh, airplanes are complicated machines, you know? And sometimes they break.
–United flight, JFK
Overheard by: clueless about electronics
Big, jolly black woman about to be frisked at security: You have yo’self a good time!
–JFK
Overheard by: Nancy L.
Junior analyst #1: I know this guy who is such a typical I-banker — works a hundred hours a week on Wall Street and spends the rest of his time on strippers and coke.
Junior analyst #2: That’s so ’80s!
Junior analyst #1: Totally ’80s!
–LaGuardia Delta shuttle
Customs agent: What business you in?
Young suit with acne: Um, I’m a stock broker.
Customs agent: Are you old enough to do that?
Young suit with acne: Barely.
Customs agent: Doubtful. Look at you. All that stuff on your face — take care of that shit and get it cleaned up. Get yourself a woman.
Young suit with acne, biting lip: Thank you, sir. Have a nice day.
–LaGuardia airport
Service person #1: Ha! They all think we’re gonna shoot them.
Service person #2: No, we won’t shoot you, but I will shoot that woman in the fur coat over there.
–Marine Air terminal, LaGuardia
Overheard by: Pick-Qwick
Chick #1: She’s never seen Titanic or The Godfather.
Chick #2: That’s why she can’t get laid.
–LaGuardia
Pilot: In just a few minutes our flight attendants will be starting beverage and snack service, including Coca Cola products and five snack options. Please listen carefully, as FAA regulations strictly prohibit our flight attendants from repeating these options.
–Incoming flight, LaGuardia
Flight attendant on intercom: Well, everybody, sorry for that delay — the plane was late coming in from California. On the other hand, I have some good news: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.
–JFK
Overheard by: geico lizard
Gate attendant: We will be boarding this flight to Atlanta shortly, but this flight is overbooked. At this time, we’re asking for two volunteers to… Damn, bitch!
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: jaybrrd
Pilot on intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to welcome you aboard and thank you for choosing, uh, JetBlue… This is JetBlue, right?
–JetBlue flight leaving JFK
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Flight attendant: We want to thank you for flying with us today and remind you that there’s no one who loves you or your money more than Delta.
–JFK
Overheard by: mrmcd
Flight attendant on intercom: Please turn off your cell phones, pagers, iPods, laptops… Basically, anything that is bringing you joy right now, just turn it off.
–JFK
Overheard by: babs standigio
Flight attendant on intercom after landing: Well, we’re here.
–LaGuardia
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!
–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St
20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…
–6 train, Astor Place
Overheard by: Al
Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!
–6 train
Overheard by: Innocent bystander
Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.
–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.
–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac
Overheard by: Judy
8-year-old tourist-in-training, looking at transsexual: Do people in New York all look like that?
Mother: No, not all, but most of them don’t look like they did in Kansas.
–LaGuardia Airport
