Student: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving, monsieur?
NYU French professor, with heavy French accent: Bien sûr! I'm as American as apple pie!
–NYU Classroom
Student: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving, monsieur?
NYU French professor, with heavy French accent: Bien sûr! I'm as American as apple pie!
–NYU Classroom
Loud bar patron, reading new item on menu: Anybody know what artisan cheese is? Anybody at all? (mutters) Shit man, this is Astoria, we don't know no artisan cheese.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Jesse
Guy: He said "when you cum yourself." I looked at him and said "that is not how you say that."
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Jill
Girl to friend: So, you see, I was right! It's spelled w-h-e-r-e!
–McDonald's
Guy: And stop trying to rhyme words with other words.
–16th St & 8th Ave
Guy to girl: I am really into words, especially long ones. I love them, and like, collect them. There is a word for people like that, but it's pretty long, so I can't remember it.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Eavesdropper
Lady: He doesn't speak English good, so he gots deported.
–Park Slope
Crazy man: I would like to see that Hermes (pronounces it Her-MEES) scarf.
Man selling scarves and necklaces: It's pronounced air-mess. If you can't pronounce it, you probably can't afford it.
Crazy man: But in Greek it's pronounced Her-MEES.
Man selling scarves and necklaces: That has nothing to do with this scarf. The French can call it whatever they want.
Crazy man, to himself as he walks away: The French? The french with their Louis XIV wanting to be called the Sun King? What do the French know? They just came out of the ice! They don't know anything about anything!
Man selling scarves and necklaces, to himself: If you can't prononuce it, you can't afford it. That's funny.
–17th & 6th
Overheard by: Siena
Black dude to friend: Well, check this out my nigga! Cracking your knuckles does not lead to arthritis… Mythbusters, my nigga!
–Park Slope
Black pimp on cell: That nigger ain't even give you a little nigga baby. All that nigga ever do is just fuck you and leave your ass, bitch. You got a child yoself, take care of your real nigga baby, because that's the nigga who keeps with you. That nigga won't fuck any other sluts. (notices everybody's staring at him) What the fuck y'all niggas lookin at?
–Social Security Office, East Village
Would-be feminist: Pussy don't have no power no more, because if it did, niggas wouldn't be doin' what they do.
–Jefferson Ave & Throop Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jocasta Spell
Polish woman, walking up to group of ghetto fabs: Yo' wut up, my niggas? (pounds fist with ghetto fab guy)
–Delancy St
Overheard by: Kirkegaard
Crazy black man on phone: When you talk like that I'm gonna call you the N-word! (pause) Don't talk like that! (pause) I want to have sex with you.
–Murray Hill
Asian teen to black friend: So my grandmother is making me learn Chinese. Does she not get that I don't wish to visit, let alone live, in China?! Like ever?
Black friend: I hear you loud and clear. Ever since Obama became President my granny has not stopped requesting that I birth her great grandchildren in Hawaii with a Kenyan diplomat.
–1 Train
Overheard by: well good luck to you
Teenage girl #1: I'm taking math, earth science, socialism, and English.
Teenage girl #2: Uh-uh.
–President St & Smith St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: porter
20-something girl #1: What's wrong with the German language? What have you got against German?
20-something girl #2: Nothing, I just really need a drink.
–R Train
Woman, demonstrating American Sign Language: Meaning is so dependent on the duration of the sign. This (makes gesture) means “thirst,” but this (makes gesture) means “lust.”
Man: I guess it depends on what kind of fluid you want.
–1 Train
White girl to friend: I used to speak Spanish.
Hispanic man, passing by: You don't need to speak Spanish! This is America! “America” is a Spanish word! “America Vespucci”! Spanish! Pshhh!
–112th & Frederick Douglass Blvd
Overheard by: i speak spanish too…
Drunk woman to another: Well, I will see your divorce and raise you an illegitimate pregnancy!
–Court St & Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
Girl to super skinny girl: You look pregnant, I think I have a clothes hanger in my locker. You wanna come up and check with me?
–1st Ave & 3rd St
Dad holding baby to wife with another kid in stroller: Somebody's about to get pregnant up in here… It'll be like Maury Povich.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: NOT the father
Dude on bus to child: See, women, they get to grow people. And in exchange, we get to pee standing up.
–Q64 Bus
Overheard by: a people-grower
Girl to friend: You always seem to get pregnant at the worst times.
–Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: Jenn
Girl to friend: I'm feeling fertile. Who's going to tend to that feeling for me?
–2 Train
Latino guy to friends: That's what my name means in Portuguese, "pregnancy test positive."
–84th Drive, Queens
