Woman: I’m such a better clown then they are, and I have the nose to prove it.
Man: They have to be more creative. It can’t just be "slip on a banana peel and drop your pants" every time.
–23rd & 9th
Overheard by: lori
Woman: I’m such a better clown then they are, and I have the nose to prove it.
Man: They have to be more creative. It can’t just be "slip on a banana peel and drop your pants" every time.
–23rd & 9th
Overheard by: lori
Man: Excuse me, waitress!
Barista: I’m not a waitress.
Man: Kidding… What’s your name?
Barista: Alyenne.
Man: Do you spell that like “Alien”?
Barista glares.
Man: Kidding…
–168th & Broadway
Man on subway: Does this train go to 125th Street?
Woman: No. It's going downtown.
Man on subway: Oh, shit. I gotta go to 125th Street and suck a dick to get some crack.
–1 Train
Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife.
–B train
Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff
Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.
–F train
Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got married? But honey, you’re gay!
–63rd & 3rd
Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e-mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve–we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e-mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my husband.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e-mail me, e-mail your husband who’s been cheating on you for two fucking years.”
–33rd & Park
Teen girl: Yeah, he’s really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.
–Park Slope
Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?
–55th & Madison
Overheard by: Matt
Man on cell: I ain’t trying to see you nothin’. I want to marry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T-R-U-F-F. The Truth!
–Atlantic Avenue gas station
Overheard by: Megan
Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don’t listen to your wife. Your wife doesn’t work here.
–Newark airport
Overheard by: jk
MTA guy: So, I was like just hoppin’ outta the shower feeling all Irish Spring fresh and shit and I come into the living room and Shawny is sitting on the fucking couch. I was like, “Yo, Shawny…get off the couch!” He looked at me and growled and I was like, “So that‘s how it is?” I went and got a pair of gloves and a wiffle ball bat, came back in and was like, whack, and the little bitch totally chomped onto my leg and shit. I dragged him like that into the kitchen and sprayed into his mouth with Lysol and he hid under the kitchen table. Somebody gotta be the master in the house, yo.
–N train
Man reading book: Oh, what stop is this?
Man exiting train: 96th Street. By the way, you really do have the most beautiful hands and fingers I’ve ever seen.
Man reading book: Oh, thanks.
–96th St station
Man: Let me explain it to you. It’s like this…when I’m more than fifty miles from the city, I’m a bachelor again.
Woman: How’s that?
Man: Well, yeah…when I’m closer to the city, she hears shit.
–24th & 8th
Middle Aged Woman: I’d like to get some hard salami, but I’d like to see it first.
Serious Deli Man: You would like to see my hard salami? [goes to get it and brings it out to show her]Woman: Is it very hard salami? How hard is the salami?
Serious Deli Man: Ma’am, I don’t think it is hard enough for you.
–Fairway Market
Overheard by: Jen
President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating?
–40th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: EScrillz
Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) "fastest." Is that a word?
–42nd St AMC Theatre
Overheard by: Steph
Man on cell: Yeah, well that's what the beasting is for!
–Penn Station
Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.
–Fordham Road
Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!
–TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: CS
Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: I guess that's English
Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, "violated."
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Sally Tempo
Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.
–Elevator, 56th & 8th
Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!
–Terminal 5
Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?
–Cafe Esperanto
Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!
–TriBeCa
Overheard by: lalala
Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.
–51st & 3rd
Overheard by: IG
Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.
–4 Train
Overheard by: BQM lady
Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!
–Astor Place
