Men

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!

–East Village

Overheard by: Matty Mac

Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!

–Brooklyn

Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?

–Mulberry

Overheard by: nina

Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!

–Astoria

Male lunch partner: It's like we don't even deserve spring. We get winter and summer. We don't deserve a spring. (laughs) Just don't get one.
Female lunch partner: We kinda had a spring.
Male lunch partner: We did.

–45th St & Lexington

Female: Yo, I can't understand you.
(pause)
Male: Vaaa-giiii-naaaa!

–Uptown Q Train

Man: Hello.
Woman: We meet again!
Man: Yes, we do. (singing) The sun'll come out/tomorrow/bet your bottom dollar…

–Fordham University

Young woman in need of sympathy: You have to forgive me! My mother, she fucked me up! I'm soooo fucked up!

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: stephie

Teenage girl: My mom is a fan of "wild sex" on Facebook.

–Starbucks

Girl in red jacket: It's not the whole gay thing, it's the whole sex-in-front-of-your-mother thing.

–Hudson & Varrick

Man to another, across seat: Get up! Get up, fool. Yo' momma don't love you! And if yo' momma don't love you, don't nobody love you.

–E Train

Male NYU student: Yay, my mom's picking me up!

–NYU

Overheard by: George

Very upset girl to no one in particular: But nobody would ever fuck my eyelashes!

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Boy to another: He said he had to go and get a colon autopsy!

–84th & 3rd

Overheard by: Laura

Woman to husband: And I swear, she only has half an eye!

–Times Square

Older dude in sweater vest: It was considered the Rolls Royce of organs.

–111th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Middle aged man walking his dog at night: She had a shamrock on her face and a shamrock on her butt.

–West End & 77th St

Girl to another: Are you going to be upset if he has short arms?

–University Place

White man: Obama's lettin' in all the Jews, man! I'm tellin' you–1.25 million Jews! This park is gonna be overrun with Jews!
Woman with swastika tattoo: When I was in jail… (inaudible) gangrene… (inaudible) elephantiasis of the foot!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Helene

Middle aged man #1: I smoke a joint every once in a while with him.
Middle aged man #2: Well, it's good for you–it stops cancer. You know, the whole medicinal marijuana thing I've been reading about in the paper…

–Broadway & 84th St

Woman, seriously: I've had a lot spilled on me.
Man, equally seriously: I've spilled a lot on myself.

–Astoria

Woman: I saw your twin! I looked up and there was this guy who looked just like you!
Man, feigning enthusiasm: Really? Was he bald and everything? Fat and short?

–32nd St & Madison Ave