Wednesday One-Liners Find It Difficult to Sit Down

NYPD emergency service cop to man carrying very large hamster in a cage: Whoa, did you pull that out of someone's butt?

–50th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Well we're in the neighborhood for it…

30-something to friend: She has everything up her ass but a cock.

–Broadway and Waverly

Tall man to short lady behind her wearing backpack: If you shove that bag any further up my ass, it'll be coming out my mouth!

–Downtown 5 Train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

20-something boyfriend to girlfriend: First I let you put a dildo up my ass, and then you call me a faggot!

–2nd Ave & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Joe

Gay man: Oh. My. God. What kind of friend puts eels up your ass?

–52nd St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Backdoor, Body Parts, Cops, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Friends, Friendship, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Drink-Minimum Liners

Man arguing with woman: I was single and drunk and shit happened.

–3rd Ave & 13th St

Man to woman: If I wasn't so diabetic I wouldn't have got so drunk.

–14th St & Ave A

Overheard by: S

Enthusiastic 30-something woman: This is a fine time for me to start drinking again!

–Blue Bar, Algonquin Hotel

Overheard by: Terry

Girl to friends: I don't think I'm a whore. It just enhances what you would normally do with less judgment.

–Astoria

Overheard by: The Princess og Fancy

Excited girl: I haven't drunk since the last time we drank!

–1st Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Erin

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Astoria, Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hotels, Illness, Men, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Promiscuity, Relationships, Street, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Or Gay Republicans.

Young man #1: My man told me his girl was one of those.
Young man #2: Oh, word?
Young man #1: Yeah, I thought they were imaginary… Like Eskimos.

–A Train

Posted on August 12, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Men, On the Subway, Stupidity

How Tight Do You Wear Your Wednesday One-Liners?

Girl in sweatpants: I kind of want someone to pants me. Just so that I can show off my ass without being a whore.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Fabulous gay man to another: Ohmigod! I'm totally having a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants moment right now."

–9th Ave & 47th St

Teenage boy, screaming: I can't wait to get my pants off!

–Broadway & 52nd St

Man to seven-year-old daughter: Hold onto the rail so you don't fall. Cause if you do fall, we're all going to laugh. We're going to laugh really hard. We're going to laugh so hard we will shit our pants.

–N Train

20-something well-dressed girl to another: He comes home saying he won all this money, and falls asleep with his hands in his pants, and that's the end of the story.

–Bedford Ave & 7th

Posted on August 11, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Kids, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nudity, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Why There's Never a Cop Around When You Need One: Explained.

Female cop: I'm not dealin' with you …
Man with dreadlocks: Go suck yo modas pussy!
Female cop: No, you go suck yo modas pussy!

–Bowery & 1st

Posted on July 30, 2010
Cops, Insults, Lower East Side, Men, Vagina

Should You Shave Your Wednesday One-Liners? Discuss.

Guy on cell, to girlfriend: I have such a headache in my balls right now.

–49th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Michael

Very drunk boyfriend to drunk girlfriend: If you can't stay here, talk to me and make this right! I'm gonna have to be a man, grow some balls and leave you!

–140th St & Broadway

Man on crowded sidewalk: Balls to butts, people. Balls to butts.

–Times Square

Girl to friends: I'd totally teabag him, but I don't got no balls.

–Brooklyn Heights

Posted on July 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Sexuality, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Go under 50 MPH or They'll Explode

30-something guy to friend: It's just like I always say! The Germans should've bombed New York!

–8th St

Guy with rainbow bead necklace, about protesters of Scientology: Nobody gets the point across without explosions.

–Outside Richard Rodgers Theater

Overheard by: Unlucky at Lotto

Man at Yankee parade: C'mon guys! Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

–Broadway & Murray Street

Overheard by: Kat

Woman: The last time I blew up my nether regions.

–Imperial Theater, 57th

Posted on July 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Hitler/Nazis, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Religion, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Jesus, Art Is Long

Woman: Excuse me. What is the play's running time?
Man: Nine hours. And if you leave, Susan Sontag will rise from the dead and smack you down.

–Tribeca

Posted on July 26, 2010
Death, Men, Theater & Dance, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

…And Started Having Kids!

Woman: Well, now that I know you go to Brooklyn…
Man: Shit, I don't go to Brooklyn anymore! That bitch got sober!

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Posted on July 22, 2010
Drinking & Drunk People, Insults, Men, Relationships, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Do It Doggie Style

Woman: So what if I sleep with dogs for money?

–Chrystie St & Delancey

Middle-aged woman, after being told her puppies can't enter store: That's why I live in LA, they're much more dog-friendly there. Now, can you please get me the Lady Gaga CD?

–Barnes & Noble

Young woman, seeing three-legged dog: Three-legged dogs are kinda trendy these days.

–Sunset Park

Overheard by: Matty

Woman to another, walking out of subway: I'm telling you, chihuahuas are fucking taking over the city.

–Bedford Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: J Wing

Man in '80s garb, getting off train and pumping arms in great exaltation: The dog is back!

–Steinway Street

Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism