Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”

Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time.

–Time Warner Center

Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat!

–Sheep's Meadow, Central Park

Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: fellow fatass

Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store!

–W Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: JR

Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Rich H

Posted on May 30, 2017
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Queer guys, Sexuality, Soho, Teens

What a Bitch

Girl on cell: And then she was all upset cuz she had gotten raped! [laughter] I know, well duh, what did she expect acting like that? Everyone knows you don’t take your dog to a dog park right after it ends its period!

–18th & Park

Overheard by: Jen

Posted on April 8, 2017
Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, We Love Our Pets

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be an Assassin

HS kid #1: You know what teflon is?
HS kid #2: No.
HS kid #1: It’s the stuff you coat bullets with so that they’ll pierce a bulletproof vest.

–23rd St. & Broadway

Overheard by: M Cohn

Posted on March 28, 2016
Boys, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, School and studying, Shoot, Talking/Convos, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Eat Boogers

Man on cell: It's a swollen, pus-filled sebaceous cyst…

–Nathan's, West 32nd St

Overheard by: SuzeV

Chick leaving Duane Reade (exposing armpit): Air it out baby, air it out!

–Duane Reade, 14th & 1st

Overheard by: Lillian

Guy to friends: I'm just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over!

–96th and Broadway

Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, seriously. My mom is *so* nasty whenever we go out to eat somewhere. I'm not kidding. Like, she is *never* happy where we get seated, and she's like, "This silverware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The lighting is awful! The tectonic plates of this location are shifting, I demand a patio table!" I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Seriously. I've seen waiting. Please don't shave your asscrack hair into my food because my mom was a douchenozzle.

–jet blue terminal, jfk

Overheard by: now questioning my pizza ingredients

Girl on cell: Yeah, you pretty much have the same body functions when you're dead as when you're alive. It's gross, but I love it.

–Mercer b/w 3rd & 4th

Overheard by: Threw up in my mouth a little bit

Posted on March 24, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Death, Duane Reade, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, JFK Airport, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Parents, Poop, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Sweat, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Barbie Dolls Get More and More Lifelike Every Year

Girl: It was because her labia was so strong.
Guy: You aren't supposed to talk out of your labia.
Girl: She wasn't talking out of her labia.
Guy: It was a queef. It's still a sound.

–30th & 5th

Overheard by: Heinz

Posted on March 5, 2016
Compare/Contrast, Farting & Burping, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Sensory Experiences, Vagina

Plus, She’s Deaf. And German.

Man: I’m thinking about learning Japanese so I can speak to my wife’s grandmother.
Lady: That’s cool.
Man: Nah, actually, I don’t think I will. She’s old and only has a couple of years left anyhow. Forget it.

–E 19th & Park Ave South

Headline by: boyhowdy

Runners-Up:
· “Besides, I Hate When She Talks During Sex” – Trey Jackson
· “But Those Gums Look So Soft & Enticing…” – wvs
· “Come to Think Of It, Maybe We’ll Stop Feeding Her, Too.” – Bobbing for Lucky Charms
· “He Clearly Has No Idea Just How Long Japanese Women Live” – Gaijin
· “Man, Fuck Old People.” – RaRa
· “She Can’t Be That Old. I Mean, Your Wife’s 14.” – RaRa
· “THAT’S for Pearl Harbor” – Daniel Patterson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 2, 2016
Death, Education, Family Ties, Headline Contest Winners, Language Barrier, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Time, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Fail the Purity Test

Girl: I’m done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It’s four-gies only from now on.

–Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jaina Wald

Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore!

–Wall & Water

Overheard by: Aubrie

Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy?

–Central Park

Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms?

–Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus

Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like anyone there had any real porn background!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Natalie

Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD.

–22nd & Broadway

Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn’t sleeping with an intern!

–45th & Lex

Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum!

–34th St

Overheard by: naidababy

Posted on January 30, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Central Park, Condoms, Duane Reade, Global Geography, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Penis, Preppies, Sex, STDs, Suits, Teens, Three is Company, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

The Word’s Out on The Bucket List

Woman #1: How are your girls?
Woman #2: They’re good. My four-year-old said something “sucked” the other day -that was fun.

–Crunch Gym, 38th St

Overheard by: Maggie

Posted on January 15, 2016
Compliments, Default, Family Ties, Gyms, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Women, Words

I Had Visions of Sugarplums

Cute girl #1: I kissed Santa!
Cute girl #2: I just grabbed his balls!

–Viacom holiday party, 34th St

Posted on December 28, 2015
Balls, Bimbettes, Celebrations/Parties, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Murray Hill and Gramercy

Why Grandma and Her Ventilator Are Currently Sleeping on the Front Stoop

Six-year-old boy in voting booth with mother: Obama for president! Mommy, I want Obama to win!
Mother to son: You wouldn't be living under my roof if you didn't!

–Voting Booth, 22nd & 2nd

Overheard by: Casey Felago

Posted on December 17, 2015
Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Parents, President, Wishes & desires

Murray Hill and Gramercy