Murray Hill and Gramercy

If You're Wednesday and You Know It, Clap Your One-Liners

Young black lady to friend: I am so happy this is my last week! I hate New York City! Everybody is so rude! Today I nearly punched somebody in the face!

–Elevator, Midtown

Overheard by: thorn

Metro guy, singing: If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it. If you're happy and you know it, get a Metro.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: erkala

Six-year-old boy to mom: The things in cave paintings don't always look happy.

–81st & 1st

Overheard by: Tim

Obvious lawyer, on Yom Kippur: My finger is happy to have the day off.

–32nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: k

Wednesday One-Liners–No Apologies Necessary

Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.

–Avenue C

Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.

–6th & 27th

Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.

–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand

Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: rpk

Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.

–Astor Place

Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!

–5th Ave, near Empire State Building

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Chosen for What, Is the Question

Teen girl #1: Yeah, so being Jewish is worlds of fun. We are better than everyone else.
Teen girl #2: I want to be Jewish!
Mom of girl #1: Sorry, honey, we are the chosen people.
Queer passerby: Not with that nose, honey.

–19th & 5th

It’ll Be Just Like Playing Cat’s Cradle

Tween girl #1: I don’t understand why anyone would be pro-life.
Tween girl #2: Yeah, I’m gonna get my tubes tied once I’m old enough.

–16th & 2nd

Overheard by: alex duncan

So It’s Not “Punani”?

Girl #1: What’s the plural of “panini”?
Girl #2: It’s just “panini” … Like goose.

–28th & 2nd

Modern Romance (Sponsored by Sprint)

Woman on cell: I’m here now, where are you?
Man on cell: Right in front of you.

–Shake Shack, Madison Square Park

They Come in Black, Right?

Metrosexual guy: Oh, there were babies everywhere in there.
JAP #1: I know, babies are so trendy!
JAP #2: I have to get one.

–Outside Anthropology, 5th Ave

Overheard by: population control

Worth Waiting for the Post-Game Recap

Suit #1: So, when are you meeting him downtown?
Suit #2: I don’t know. It depends on when he gets done having sex with Gabrielle.
Suit #1: That doesn’t sound too bad!

–32nd St

The Gospel According to Johanna

Preppy girl: He was nice — really successful, owns his own apartment… I just wasn’t into him. He kept trying to hook up and I just wanted to be left alone. He proceeded to jerk off into his pajama pants. Oh, and by the way, it took about 40 seconds. I didn’t even have enough time to react. He then rolled over and went to sleep in it! The worst part is that he’s still calling me. Hello, buddy — you jerked off into your own pants and slept in your own cum. Yeah, we’re not gonna work.
Guy friend: That’s awesome! Who can I tell next?

–47th & Lex

Not to Knight Rider's KITT

Little girl, as car alarm goes off when she passes by: What was that?
Older sister: Oh, don't worry, it was probably me.
Little girl: Psh! You're not that hot!

–26th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Lara

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