Ten Bucks Says He’s Making Water Balloons

Hipster passing large, bald man blocking doorway: Excuse me.
Large, bald man: What are you in a hurry for?
(hipster points to condoms and goes to the counter to pay for them)
Large, bald man: You’re totally on a condom run!
(hipster smiles and glances back to the man)
Large, bald man: Did you pull out of that shit?
Hipster: Nope, just having marathon sex.
Large, bald man: I’d high-five you, but I know where those hands have been.
(hipster leaves, laughing)

–Deli, 7th Ave & Christopher St

Overheard by: a

Posted on July 26, 2008
Apologies, Condoms, Default, Delis, Etiquette, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Innuendo, Laughter, Men, Offers and requests, Questions, West Village

Still Think Only Women Play That Game?

Five-year-old son: I’m mad at you.
Mom: Why honey?
Five-year-old son: Because you wouldn’t buy me an umbrella!
Mom: You never asked for one!

–Times Square Shuttle

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on July 24, 2008
Boys, Default, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Times Square, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Down, but Not Out

Hobo with two jars in front of him: Food or drugs! Choose whether you’d like to sponsor my evening shot or dinner!

–Central Park

Homeless man: Hey, bindi-a, lookin’ good today! (Indian girl ignores his comment, begins to walk away). Fine! When you get mugged, I’m not helping you!

–Washington Square Park

Enterprising lady hobo: You could use your credit card to get cash, and give me the cash.

–Outside Dunkin’ Donuts, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Panhandling hobo: Spare some change for a large bottle of water and a nice Chef salad? Spare some change for bottled water and salad?

–Broadway & 10th St

Hobo: Hey lemme borrow those red Converse! I’ve got a hot date with Monica Lewinsky tonight!

–14th & 6th

Hobo to another: "You’re gonna turn me into a waffle?" That’s what she told me, you said! A waffle? Oh no, I don’t think so!

–23rd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: sara

Crazy hobo: Watch out for traffic and knuckleheads! Beware! (points at random pedestrian) Him! He’s a knucklehead! Don’t trust him!

–5th Ave & 49th St

Posted on July 23, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Crazies, Crazy, Dating, Drugs, Fears, Food, Hobos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Questions, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Washington Square Park, Women

Wednesday One-Liners — Not the South American Country

Train conductor: Now arriving at 116th street, Columbia University. Ivy league. Ivy league… Ivy league… Ivy league… Stand clear of the closing doors.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Amused Subway Rider

Guy on phone: I’m a tool, I’ll admit that.

–College Walk, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ed

Chick on cell: How did they know I was feeling hormonal? And did they need to announce it on my boarding pass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: YotGC

(Columbia student #1 jaywalks in front of a car)
Columbia student #2: I can’t get hit by a car right now! I have a paper to write!

–115th & Broadway

(two frat boys in boxers run a lap down 113th as a third cheers them on)
Sorority girl: Sometimes I wonder how some of these people get into Columbia…

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: wondering the same thing

Posted on July 23, 2008
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Students, Subway conductors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Go Great with Biscotti

Suit: Ladies and gentlemen, I have a financially stable family with two children. I just played fourteen holes at the country club and would kill for an iced cappuccino. Please give me some money.

–1 Train

Man, about two women passing: Fellas, you can’t let them get away! If you do, they’ll turn into a cup of coffee and a buttered roll!

–Bleecker & 11th

Toothless bum: Hey man, can I get two dollars so I can get myself a Cappuccino?

–B Train

Overheard by: Comack

Seven-year-old boy: Mom, I want to take a picture of Starbucks!

–42nd & Broadway

Posted on July 23, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Coffee, Hobos, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pictures, Questions, Suits, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

It’s Like the Universe in That Respect

Street vendor: Designer jewelry. Five dollars.
Woman: Really? What designer?
Street vendor: Who knows.

–52st & 5th

Posted on July 22, 2008
Default, Fashion, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

Eminem’s Also from Michigan, So You Do the Math

Guy from Michigan: That stripper robbed me.
Cop: How so?
Guy from Michigan: She said if I gave her $150 she would jerk me off. I payed her the $150 and she didn’t do it. I want her arrested.
Cop: Is everyone from Michigan an asshole or just you?

–Show World

Posted on July 20, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Default, Guys, Insults, Midwesterners, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Prostitution, Questions, Strippers, U.S. Geography

They’re So Cute Before They Learn to Cuss

(random guy trips over three-year-old girl’s stroller)
Guy: Oops, I’m sorry, honey.
Three-year-old girl in stroller: Don’t call me honey!

–Atlantic Ave Station

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on July 19, 2008
Apologies, Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Guys, Kids, Offers and requests, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Words

The Sane Are Held to a Higher Standard

(hip girl yells in excitement)
Old woman on street: Grow up!
Hip girl to friend: God! Homeless people spend all day screaming on the street and no one tells them too grow up.
Hip friend: Yeah, it’s not your fault that your dad’s a republican.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: dobby

Posted on July 19, 2008
Age/Aging, College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Homeless, Manhattan, Offers and requests, Old People, Parents, Politics, Women

Just Like I Only Make Fun of Blacks For the Color of Their Skin

Salesman: Ah, so soly. Mr. Wong not in today.
Saleswomen: My boyfriend’s Asian. Don’t make fun of them.
Salesman: I’m not making fun of them. I’m making fun of the way they talk.

–Sales Department, SoHo

Posted on July 19, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Default, Languages, Laughter, Offers and requests, Race, Relationships, Soho, Store

Offers and requests