Effeminate guy on cell phone: …And we don’t want any fat German ladies
in the house.
–Post office, 23rd and Lex
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Effeminate guy on cell phone: …And we don’t want any fat German ladies
in the house.
–Post office, 23rd and Lex
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Woman on phone: This is completely unacceptable! You work for the United States Government, and this is completely unacceptable!
Crazy old man: Shut up, you stupid cow!
–Hudson & Charles
Woman on cell: I’m here now, where are you?
Man on cell: Right in front of you.
–Shake Shack, Madison Square Park
Guy on cell: You don’t want to move here…No! I’m telling you, this place sucks. You make $1000 bucks a week, $600 after taxes. Then you can’t go to all of the fun bars and places like that because you can’t freakin’ afford it. All you end up doing is watching all of the freakin’ wealthy people go out and have a good time. Dude, I’m telling you, it’s not what it’s hyped to be. I was totally tricked.
–Houston & Lafayette
Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Erin and Willa
Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"
–Rivington & Essex
Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.
–2 Train
Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!
–5th Ave & 86th
Overheard by: GerMan in NY
Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!
–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.
–1st & St. Mark's
Tourist to family: It seems like all we do in New York is take the subway, eat, and wash our hands.
–6 train, Union Square
Overheard by: Ugly Doll
Man on cell: So what can I say? She’s the carpet cleaner and I’m just cleaning the nozzles.
–14th & 5th
Overheard by: kat(e)
Dude: With all the nasty stuff I have to do, I shower like three times a day… and I still smell.
–Rivington & Essex
Man in beret on cell: I’m going to boil water and put my DustBuster in it… How do you sterilize your DustBuster, darling?
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: hazelnavet
Bronx girl: And then she said to me, ‘We need to take showers and wear flashy clothes!’
–6 train
Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!
–11th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Amanda
Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.
–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St
Overheard by: McF
Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"
–8th St & 23rd St
Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!
–58th & 9th
Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."
–57th & 7th
Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!
–Amsterdam & 83rd
Woman on cell: I would totally bind my feet for a good pair of shoes if they didn't have them in my size.
–Queens Boulevard
Passing hobo to girl with violin case: You have very nice boots… for a musician.
–85th & Columbus
Overheard by: cisium
Lady on cell: Go to the bathroom? Put our shoes on? On my god!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk woman: I've been wearing high heels so long, my uterus is tilted!
–PATH
Overheard by: Best line I heard all night
Woman complaining on phone: He's wearing high-heels, and it's raining!
–2nd Ave & 12th St
Overheard by: Thommy Tuff Nutz
Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.
–Barnes & Noble
Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.
–9th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Smoking Student
Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.
–Midtown
Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.
–C Train
Overheard by: evan
White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Aileen
Woman on cell: I don’t know if my horoscope is about my husband or my boyfriend.
–19th St & Park Ave South
Overheard by: Jenny
Guy on cell: If I fuck another woman in the ass, that’s not, like, really cheating, is it? I mean, it’s just her ass. Shit comes out of there. It’s less personal than the twat… You don’t think so?
–Court St, Boro Hall, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Chick on cell: How do I hide a hickey? I’m hiding it from my boyfriend… No, it’s not from him… No, not from him either… I’ll tell you later, I promise… Yes, I know I have a problem — it is big and red and on my neck and I do not need lectures right now. I need to figure out if I am ‘Creamy Ivory’ or ‘Tawny Honey’!
–Rite-Aid, 40th St & Broadway
Ghetto girl to boyfriend: It’s not cheating — they’re in entertainment.
–63rd & Amsterdam
Old Irish guy: That’s why Jesus died for our sins, ’cause he knew we’d be out with other women.
–Midtown Union Bar, 44th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Danny Lynch
Business chick: So, then, I really don’t consider it cheating, because it happened before the whole Santa thing.
–49th & Broadway
Overheard by: what the hell is going on??
Guy on phone: Look, I know she was my girlfriend when we were in high school… Yeah, yeah, I know it’s been 20 years — of course people change… Two kids ain’t that bad… I know she married, but you don’t get it — she does yoga. Have you ever banged a chick that’s done yoga? Look, man, she does the handstand thing… I know I’m going to hell… Or her husband will catch us first. Haha, do you really think anyone is listening to this shit? No. And if they are, who the hell are they going to tell?
–7 train
