Wednesday One-Liners Graduate Magna Cum Laude

Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Harmony Davis

Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!

–W 72nd S, Record Store

Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…

Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.

–West Village

Overheard by: Andy & Nick

Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sofia

Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!

–Bar, Fulton St

Overheard by: Izzy

Posted on January 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Couples, Cum, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Orgasm, Parks, Penis, Punks, Queer guys, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

What Have They Ever Done to Hurt Anyone?

Effeminate guy on cell phone: …And we don’t want any fat German ladies
in the house.

–Post office, 23rd and Lex

Overheard by: Megan Buckley

Posted on January 30, 2015
Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, Post Office

The Public's Reaction to Julia Roberts' Performance in Charlie Wilson's War

Woman on phone: This is completely unacceptable! You work for the United States Government, and this is completely unacceptable!
Crazy old man: Shut up, you stupid cow!

–Hudson & Charles

Posted on January 30, 2015
Crazies, Government, Gripes, Insults, Old People, On Cell, The Village, Women

Modern Romance (Sponsored by Sprint)

Woman on cell: I’m here now, where are you?
Man on cell: Right in front of you.

–Shake Shack, Madison Square Park

Posted on January 28, 2015
Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Parks, Stupidity

It’s Not Like We Hung a Pussies Welcome Sign

Guy on cell: You don’t want to move here…No! I’m telling you, this place sucks. You make $1000 bucks a week, $600 after taxes. Then you can’t go to all of the fun bars and places like that because you can’t freakin’ afford it. All you end up doing is watching all of the freakin’ wealthy people go out and have a good time. Dude, I’m telling you, it’s not what it’s hyped to be. I was totally tricked.

–Houston & Lafayette

Posted on January 25, 2015
Advice, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, On Cell, The Village

Parts Of Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Quite Nice

Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Erin and Willa

Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"

–Rivington & Essex

Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.

–2 Train

Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!

–5th Ave & 86th

Overheard by: GerMan in NY

Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!

–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station

Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.

–1st & St. Mark's

Posted on January 24, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Couples, Directions, Food, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Lower East Side, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Train Station, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

OCD Wednesday One-Liners

Tourist to family: It seems like all we do in New York is take the subway, eat, and wash our hands.

–6 train, Union Square

Overheard by: Ugly Doll

Man on cell: So what can I say? She’s the carpet cleaner and I’m just cleaning the nozzles.

–14th & 5th

Overheard by: kat(e)

Dude: With all the nasty stuff I have to do, I shower like three times a day… and I still smell.

–Rivington & Essex

Man in beret on cell: I’m going to boil water and put my DustBuster in it… How do you sterilize your DustBuster, darling?

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: hazelnavet

Bronx girl: And then she said to me, ‘We need to take showers and wear flashy clothes!’

–6 train

Posted on January 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cleanliness, On Cell, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Embrace the Stereotype

Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!

–11th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Amanda

Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.

–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St

Overheard by: McF

Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"

–8th St & 23rd St

Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!

–58th & 9th

Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."

–57th & 7th

Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!

–Amsterdam & 83rd

Posted on January 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Grocery Stores, Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Queer guys, Sex, The Village, Three is Company, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Support a Woman's Right to Shoes

Woman on cell: I would totally bind my feet for a good pair of shoes if they didn't have them in my size.

–Queens Boulevard

Passing hobo to girl with violin case: You have very nice boots… for a musician.

–85th & Columbus

Overheard by: cisium

Lady on cell: Go to the bathroom? Put our shoes on? On my god!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk woman: I've been wearing high heels so long, my uterus is tilted!

–PATH

Overheard by: Best line I heard all night

Woman complaining on phone: He's wearing high-heels, and it's raining!

–2nd Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: Thommy Tuff Nutz

Posted on January 21, 2015
Body Parts, Compliments, Drunks, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, On Cell, Queens, Questions, Shoes, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Women

Wednesday Om-Liners

Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.

–Barnes & Noble

Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Smoking Student

Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.

–Midtown

Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.

–C Train

Overheard by: evan

White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Aileen

Posted on January 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chinatown, Girls, Guys, Insults, Magic, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Rich people, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Yoga

On Cell