Dude #1: So, when did you get married?
Dude #2: I got married four weeks ago, in Vegas!
Dude #1: Really?
Dude #2: Yeah. Apparently Elvis wasn’t wearing any underwear when he married us, and some of the guests saw Little Elvis.
Dude #1: Ugh, bummer, dude! Are you sure you’re really married?
–1 train
Overheard by: LG
Guy: Naw, naw, I read that he died.
Girl: J.K. Rowling is a woman, and she’s not dead; she just wrote this book.
Guy: Naw…you sure? I really think I read that he died.
Girl: No! Anyway, she said that in the wizarding world, Muggles–
Guy: Muggles? Oh, is that one of those British words?
Girl: No, it’s just a word she made up.
Guy: Right, and we wouldn’t understand it here, because it’s one of them British words.
–M train
Overheard by: Kev
Puerto Rican girl: Wwhy you all cut that island in half? You racist against the niggas on the other half? They your neighbors!
Dominican girl: I know, right? It’s the hatred. Like, you all be racist against white people…
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, but everyone is racist against white people. That don’t count!
–6 train
Overheard by: JS
Headline by: Zorak
Runners-Up:
· “Better to Be the Hater Than the Haiti” – madfigs
· “Just Like Proper Grammar.” – Jo
· “The Original ‘I Have a Dream’ Speech…” – Rahul Advani
· “White People: They Can Do That?” – Kiki Malibu
· “White People Would Have Weighed In, but They Were Golfing” – s h
20-something hipster boy #1: So, you ever think that the US will stop being the most powerful nation in the world?
20-something hipster boy #2: Well, if not us, then who?
20-something hipster boy #3: They say China will take over eventually.
20-something hipster boy #2: China? What the hell are they gonna do, drop people on us?
–E Train
Overheard by: chinese girl who sat next to them
One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?
–R Train
Overheard by: Ferna
Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven't been home since the show. Doesn't that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: AleKatz
Woman on cell: It smells like college!
–BrewFest, South Street Seaport
Office student: It literally smells like my ass.
–CCNY Computer Lab
Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.
–Q Train
Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn't mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn't smell. It didn't smell like anything.
–Union Square
Overheard by: who are these people?
Guy #1: I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to live in fucking West Bubblefuck.
Guy #2: Bubblefuck? Yeah?
Guy #1: Well, it’s like…3,000 miles away. Damn.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, right.
–1 train
Overheard by: Sarah Cullen
Crazy guy: Shaving is so much more important than your cell phone.
–6 train
Black teen: So, what you say your name was?
Hispanic teen: Irving.
Black teen: Irving? How you be Puerto Rican and have a name like ‘Irving’? Hi, my name’s Irving… That’s fucked up.
Hispanic teen: Yeah, Puerto Ricans name their kids some crazy shit.
–4 train
Overheard by: Oy-ving
Headline by: not irving
Runners-Up:
· “Anyway, I Be Seein’ You, LaQuan.” – Mysteron
· “At Least He Can Pronounce His” – Krisztina
· “Because Getting Your Ass Kicked in Elementary School Makes You Stronger” – cda
· “Don’t You Agree, Daquanjalomarterius?” – Karyn
· “Kind Of Like Being Named After the Car You Were Conceived In, Corolla.” – Gunther
· “Yeah, If I Had Your Parents, My Name Would Be Anferny…” – BG
Boyfriend is trying to force-feed chocolate to his girlfriend.
Girlfriend: Stop, I don’t want it. It will make me fat, and you won’t want me.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but no one else will either.
–A train
Gay guy #1: Nice shoes!
Gay guy #2: Thanks. I got them by doing sexual favors… just like everything else I own.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Julia
