Teen girl #1: I got a doctor’s appointment after school today. My mom saw this hickey and she’s taking me for a pregnancy test.
Teen boy: Yo, Mexican mom’s is crazy.
Teen girl #2: That sucks. If my mom ever tries to take me, I’m telling her it’s a civil rights violation.
Teen girl #1: I already got my excuse. I’m gonna say it busted when I was riding my bike.
Teen boy: No, that’s no good. Say you was jumpin’ up and down.
–7 train
Mom: Excuse me, Mr. Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffin, that’s a little revisionist, don’t you think?
–Park Slope
Cute little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Come over here!
Large angry man: No! I want to see the monkeys!
–Central Park Zoo
Boy: This…cost $23 million.
Dad: There’s 23 miles of them!
Boy: Still, that’s a million dollars a mile!
Boy: Wait…so is the fabric pure saffron?
Mom: No no no, saffron is a spice.
Boy: Oh. The only time I’d heard that before was on Pokemon, they had Saffron City.
Mom: It looks like they’re about to start marching!
Dad: They will, by Monday.
Boy: Wha?
–The Gates
Older man, to no one in particular: That's why I keep my income low, so no one jumps me.
–Myrtle & Clinton, Brooklyn
Woman with scratch-off lotto card to friend: I won four dollars! I won four dollars! You know I can't spend that, though. I gotta get food for my kids. Those niggas be hungry!
–Staten Island Ferry
Angelic-looking teen girl screaming into cell: Are you coming to the movies with me? You're broke? Just mug someone on the way. Mug someone! (pause) Mug! M-u-g! Rhymes with "thug"!
–Chambers & West St
Puerto Rican dude on cell: I ain't got no money. I got weed, but I ain't got no money.
–25th St & 7th Ave
Village lady: She was in foreclosure before it was fashionable to be in foreclosure.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Bimbo #1: Yeah, I really think I like him. We get along so well. I mean, we have a lot in common.
Bimbo #2: Oh yeah? Like what?
Bimbo #1: Well, we both love pugs.
Bimbo #2: As in the type of dog? Everyone loves pugs. How can you not like pugs? They are so fucking cute.
Bimbo #1 (challengingly): Yeah? Well, how about this one? Both of our dads died in plane crashes.
Bimbo #2: Oh. My. God. You are sooo meant to be together.
–Brooklyn Bound N Train
Overheard by: totes meant to be
Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Never had it
Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.
–Atlantic & Smith
Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?
–Q Train
Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!
–Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny
Girl: So I’m finally going to tell that guy that I like him.
Father: What guy?
Girl: That really hot dude that took me to the prom.
Father: Oh, ok, good.
Girl: But it’s going to be really weird cuz this guy could have any woman he wants.
Father: Just hit him over the head, drag him in the house and don’t let him leave.
–A train
Overheard by: cave man style
Adopted boy on PlayStation to gay father: Why can't we just get on this next bus?
Gay father: Noah, I told you, this bus doesn't go to where we want to go. Do you want to go stay at someone else's house? (under his breath) I'd like to send you to someone else's house…
Adopted boy: Ugh, well, how long do we have to wait?
Gay father: Until the next bus! C'mon, let's go wait in Hooters.
–Hampton Jitney, Queens
Overheard by: sarah
Guy on phone: It's probably something beyond the bestiality in why you didn't get hired.
–4th & Lafayette
Overheard by: andy
Disembodied voice in crowd: Necrophilia, really?
–Times Square
Man: The thing is: my safety word is "No, harder, harder."
–NY Comic Con
Girl: No, seriously, my parents used to have like a harness and a leash for me, because I used to run away in the airport all the time.
–Fordham Law School
Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.
–1st Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Will
Guy: Great. She doesn't even know me and already she thinks I have a produce fetish.
–Whole Foods, Chelsea
Overheard by: Hunter (aka,
