Sales girl: Yo, I'm sorry I'm taking so long to close this register.
Supervisor: And I'm sorry I opened your register and it slammed you in the uterus.
–The Met
Sales girl: Yo, I'm sorry I'm taking so long to close this register.
Supervisor: And I'm sorry I opened your register and it slammed you in the uterus.
–The Met
Girl, scratching her arm: I have a bug bite; it itches.
Guy: You think that's bad? I have a genital wart.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Fox
Guy: One day I'm just going to leave a pube in your bed.
Girl: What if I think it's mine?
Guy: Ewww!
Girl: What? I bet my pubes are cleaner than yours.
Guy: What are you talking about? My pubes are squeaky clean!
–Third North Dorms, NYU
Football player #1: Hold on, I've got to check and see if I have a package.
Football player #2: You know, most guys don't have to check that.
(a few seconds pass)
Football player #1: Shut up.
–Broadway & 115th
Hipster queer: This cigarette tastes like a taint.
Suit queer: That's weird.
Hipster queer: Yeah.
Suit queer: Cause I rubbed it in my armpit.
–NYU
Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded.
–Time Warner Security Check
Overheard by: spandangle
Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature.
–Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: GJL
Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it?
–Brooklyn Library
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place.
–86th & Brooklyn
Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again?
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: heather linford
Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze!
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Honest Truth
Woman to security guard: Excuse me, did you see a man with a really large package? I'm looking for a man with a large package. Did he come by yet?
–51st St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rob
LIRR worker, yelling over tracks to another who is carrying huge bolt fastener: Hey! Nice nuts!
–Woodside Station
Overheard by: Jobee
Lab instructor, showing students how to breathe carbon dioxide by blowing into the test tube through a straw: Don't blow too hard, or else the whole thing will come up all over your face.
–Biology Lab, Hunter College
Overheard by: did anyone else catch that?
Very old woman to decorative hardware salesman: It's become such a problem–I just can't seem to keep my knobs tight anymore!
–Gracious Home, 67th St & Broadway
Mother waiting for kid in the bathroom: Billy, will you stop singing and just come?
–Waiting Room, Grand Central
45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!
–Houlihans Restaurant
Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old
Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.
–86th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Alan
British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Just around
Hoochie lady to friend: Hooooo! Girl! Close yo' legs! You stinking up the whole damn train!
(stranger laughs)
Friend to stranger: What you think is so funny, white boy?
–Metro North
Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.
–L Train
Overheard by: Kansas
Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.
–Coffe Bar Lounge
Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.
–Shake Shack
Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth
Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Joy
Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.
–Stuyvesant Square
Overheard by: Peanut
Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: Austin G.
