Six-year-old boy to two undercover NYPD officers: Hi, what's your name?
Six-year-old boy's mom: Hey, boy, what did I tell you about speaking to strangers?
NYPD undercover officer: It's okay, we're cops. (flashes badge)
Six-year-old boy: Aahhhhhhhhh! (runs into mother's arms)
–E Train
Overheard by: Rob G
Girl: Are you going to Natalie and Ben's wedding?
Guy: Yeah, I guess. I just hate going to weddings that I don't have faith in.
–5th & 6th
Drunk customer: What kind of drunk return policy do you have?
Cashier: It’s a 14-day return policy.
Drunk customer: That’s not much of a drunk policy. Most guys get drunk and wake up next to women they regret the next day. Me? I wake up next to Dostoievsky and Dickens after a bender. I love New York!
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Overheard by: Random
Bro #1, concerned: What the hell happened to your face?
Bro #2, dazed: What? (pause) Oh. I fell asleep on a decorative pillow.
–Times Square
Kid to another: Stephen king is the best autha, yo. But Danielle Steele is the best girl autha, yo.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Joel
Teen to friend: Santa's a well-read dude, but they won't let him pee.
–5th Ave Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Dude Santa
Ghetto chick: Yeah, maybe mama will actually buy a book…one day.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Guy trying to push "free literature": This book is really important. It was the book that Gandhi followed. Do you know who Gandhi is? He's like the Indian Martin Luther King.
–L Train
Man reading Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day?: What? Poets do not write poetry all day! They work shitty jobs in design firms and sell things to assholes from San Diego! (turns page) And writers don't write all day! They pick up laundry for Park Slope bitches!
–Children's Section, Barnes & Noble, Court Street
Overheard by: Amused Bookseller
High school kid #1: Why are you in chemistry?
High school kid #2: So I can learn what is in medicine. It is much more important than physics.
High school kid #1: No, I know how piss is made in the body. That's all physics. I know how piss is made, because of physics. And you don't.
–E Train
Bum: Will you watch my table and make sure no one uses it. Or if they do, then charge them $5.
Girl: No. Sorry, I’m leaving.
Bum: Ok then, will you give me a hug? I’ve had a bad day, I need a hug.
Girl: Um… Sorry, no.
Bum: Well, I need a hug, and you are supposed to do your civic duty!
–Union Square
Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.
–Village ATM
Overheard by: rafa
Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.
–Wollman Rink, Central Park
Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?
–Hard Rock Cafe
Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely
Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!
–Union Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Rachel K
Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.
–Columbia University
Hasidic girl, after borrowing non-hasidic girl's phone: Thank you so much! What's your name?
Non-hasidic girl: Ann.
Hasidic girl: Ann… You're Jewish, no?
Non-hasidic girl: No.
Hasidic girl: Really?
Non-hasidic girl, slightly annoyed: Really.
Hasidic girl: Oh. Well, it was nice meeting you anyway.
–Kingston & Empire
Overheard by: Jess
Teen girl: My dad told me that pee was nutritious.
Friend: Oh? Pee's only like 95% water and 5% waste. I don't think there's any nutrition in it.
Teen girl: Oh.
(a few minutes later)
Teen girl: Do you think pee would taste like sugar if all you ate were sugar and water?
Friend: Then wouldn't the pee be like 95% water and 5% sugar?
–6 Train
