Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)

Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.

–Village ATM

Overheard by: rafa

Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.

–Wollman Rink, Central Park

Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Rachel K

Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.

–Columbia University

Posted on August 30, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Dads, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Grand Central, Height, Hipsters, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Penis, Questions, Sexuality, Skaters, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…Enjoy Your Savior!

Hasidic girl, after borrowing non-hasidic girl's phone: Thank you so much! What's your name?
Non-hasidic girl: Ann.
Hasidic girl: Ann… You're Jewish, no?
Non-hasidic girl: No.
Hasidic girl: Really?
Non-hasidic girl, slightly annoyed: Really.
Hasidic girl: Oh. Well, it was nice meeting you anyway.

–Kingston & Empire

Overheard by: Jess

Posted on August 30, 2014
Brooklyn, Jews, Judaism, Names, Questions, Shiksas (& other Gentiles)

Should We Do That for Our Science Fair Project?

Teen girl: My dad told me that pee was nutritious.
Friend: Oh? Pee's only like 95% water and 5% waste. I don't think there's any nutrition in it.
Teen girl: Oh.
(a few minutes later)
Teen girl: Do you think pee would taste like sugar if all you ate were sugar and water?
Friend: Then wouldn't the pee be like 95% water and 5% sugar?

–6 Train

Posted on August 30, 2014
Family Ties, Food, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Pee, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Teens

… But You’re Still a Bitch

Man: Bitch, why you gotta make things so complicated?
Woman: I’m always complicated. You oughta be used to it by now.
Man: Yeah, that’s true.

–14th St crosswalk

Overheard by: Leslie

Posted on August 29, 2014
Advice, Couples, Default, Insults, Men, Questions, Relationships, Street, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Hope It’s Just Ketchup

Worried suit: Oh, good. I was hoping you would call. Uh yes…I’ve had bloody stool twice in the past two weeks… Yes, the blood is around it…I don’t know. What do you advise?

–McGraw-Hill Building, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: HELP! I’m in the cube across from him

Woman to male companion: I don’t give a shit about no fucking white people, they can suck my bloody pussy. My shit is all bloody and nasty, but I changed my drawers and shit. At least I don’t just rinse it out and hang it in front of a fan…

–G Train

One-eyed Armenian worker, pointing to sample bottle of Vampire wine: Would you like a taste of this wine? It’s half blood, but only the blood of pretty girls, I only drink pretty girls.

–Liquor Store, 10th St & 2nd Ave

MTA cop to blood drive employee: You want blood? I’ll give you blood. Just not from my arm, if you know what I mean.

–Penn Station

Bro: If it looks like blood, it coagulates like blood.

–6 Train

Girl on cell: How was Vicky’s sweet 16? [couple of seconds later] Was the blood from your nose or your ass?

–36th St & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Cody

Posted on August 29, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Buildings, Celebrations/Parties, Cops, Creepsters, Girls, Illness, Insults, Medicine, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Science, Sexuality, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness, Women

Just Working on My Don't-Fuck-With-Me Face

Wife: You're so grim!
Husband: You made me grim.
Wife: Did I make you grim?
Husband: I'm not grim.

–Holiday Inn

Overheard by: The daughter.

Posted on August 29, 2014
Couples, Hotels, Insults, Questions, Relationships

Was Another Boy Fucking Him?

High school dancer #1: Like, oh my god, I had the weirdest dream the other night… I was fucking Brendan Urie from Panic! at the Disco.
High school dancer #2: Wow… I need details! Did you get wet? Was he on top? Was I in the bed?

–Central Park

Overheard by: thatgirlrightthere

Posted on August 29, 2014
Central Park, Girls, Questions

She’s Actually a Shill for the Cheetah Club

Chick: My husband and I like to go to titty bars in the city. That’s why we get on so well — he likes girls and I like girls…. So, when you hang out with your buddies do you go to titty bars?
Dude: Er, not really — maybe once we went.

–Radio City Fashion Rocks show

Overheard by: Listening in the line

Posted on August 28, 2014
Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girl-on-Girl, Girls, Guys, Questions, Rockefeller Center

Won’t You Please Donate to Help These Poor Victims of Time Travel?

Shirtless old guy, walking over to a group of friends: Looks like you got a nice circle there, mind if I join you guys?
Stranger: No, I think we’re good…
Shirtless old guy: Well, I’ll be back…[looks up at the trees.] Do you see the pterodactyls? …up there, the dinosaurs? [Wakes up a hobo on the benches.] Sir, you see them, don’t you? …pterodactyls…pkawww pkawww [flaps his arms.][back to the group of friends]I’ll be back. pkawww!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Arvind Chandra

Posted on August 27, 2014
Animals & Nature, Crazies, Default, Guys, Offers and requests, Old People, Questions, Strangers, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-leyeners

Teen girl: I asked George what his cousin looked like. He said, “He looks like me but with hazel eyes.” How the hell am I supposed to know what he looks like? I don’t know no one with hazel eyes.

–Lincoln Center

Posted on August 27, 2014
Body Parts, Family Ties, Girls, Idiots, Names, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Questions