Lesbian #1: I thought you said your probation officer was out of town this week?
Lesbian #2: My probation officer? My probation officer don't know shit!
–Bleecker & Sullivan
Lesbian #1: I thought you said your probation officer was out of town this week?
Lesbian #2: My probation officer? My probation officer don't know shit!
–Bleecker & Sullivan
Little girl: What's a credit card?
Father: That, you don't need to know.
–Wachovia ATM, Broadway & 10th St
Teen to friends: I want to get a haircut, but every time I get a haircut I get arrested.
–Union Square
Cashier: This line is closed! Unless one of y'all wants to drive me to my hair appointment!
–Home Depot
Woman to friend: Why can't he have a normal man haircut? Like, with short sides?
–Dekalb Ave & Oxford
Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula
Manic lady to no one in particular: Pay homage to my hair!
–B61 Bus
Drunk hipster: Donald Trump's hair is the Blarney Stone of New York.
–East Village
Overheard by: Concerned Irishman
Guy: I hope you got a fuckin' Dixie Cup, 'cause that's what you're gonna need to hold it!
–42nd & 5th
Middle aged suit, to no one in particular: Spoon! Spoooon! Spooooon!
–Au Bon Pain, Broad St
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Young guy with backpack to young wife: Teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup.
–Sheridan Square
Crazy hobo on subway: Hey you! Did you take my spoon? I know you took my spoon! Why would you do that to a guy?
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Scared British Tourist
Indignant yuppie: I wanted to stab her with a fork! It's a good thing we were at a sushi restaurant.
–69th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
20-something girl in chucks to another: No, I will not get rubber boots. What do I look like, fucking Paddington Bear?
–CVS
Boy: I bet if I had three of me I could take on a grizzly bear.
–Columbia
Overheard by: Megan
Small, well-dressed girl: I want to eat the heart of a bear!
–Bohemian Hall, Astoria
Overheard by: Joseph
Guy on cell: You don't even know what the Care Bears are about!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Fresca P.
Guy: Whatcha drinkin' there?
Wasted girl: Jungle juice. I made my own… special… red elixir. Haha. My eyes aren't even open right now, are they?
–Party, Brooklyn
Wasted Columbia kid: Hey, did you just go to the game?
Sober Columbia girl: Yup.
Wasted Columbia kid: Me too! (pause) Who won?
–1 Train
Collegiate #1: I can't believe that asshole MTA called the cops on us.
Collegiate #2: Seriously, isn't it enough that we risked our lives crossing the subway tracks to get to the other side? Fuck that guy, we wasted $2.00 and then had to take a cab to escape the police.
–Columbia University
College girl #1, in crowded train: So is graduate school just like regular college? Like, once you get in, you're good and don't have to do any work?
College girl #2: Pretty much, I do whatever I want… it's great!
–1 Train
Blimp girl: Do you think I check out asses too much?
Skinny bimbo: Uhhh…
Blimp girl: But he was just sticking it in my face!
–98th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: assman
