Wednesday One-Liner Is the Second-Largest Property Owner in NYC, After the Catholic Church

Columbia student to another: When I get rich, I'm totally having the sweat glands in my armpits removed.

–Columbia University

Undergrad to friend: So I should tell you about today's existential crisis…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Katie Naum

Guy to group of friends: Hey, you guys ever watch that video in health ed, of disabled people having sex? It was upsetting.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L-Dubbs

Columbia undergrad: I am taking so many classes right now, like 18 credits, cause I have no clue what to do with my life. Part of me wants to go to business school here because I can make a lot of money fast, and part of me wants to go to law school here because it's more practical and will make me more over the long run. But then I am also in this class on genocide, which is a topic I love. So maybe I will do something with that instead.

–Max Cafe, 122nd & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: reluctantprof

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Murder, One-liners, Philosophy, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sex, Students, Surgery, Sweat, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

And Does This Mean I Can't Cheat Off Of Her in Class Anymore?

Girl #1: So, how's Christie? She hasn't been coming to class.
Girl #2: Not so good. She tried to commit suicide again.
Girl #1: Ugh! What did she do this time?!
Girl #2: She swallowed half a bottle of pills. She started throwing up and hallucinating, but fortunately her mom found her and took her to the hospital.
Girl #1: Sometimes I think she likes to exaggerate things for effect. I mean, if you were hallucinating, then how would you know that you were hallucinating? And how do you swallow that many pills anyway? I can barely take one.
Girl #2: Well, her mom said she…
Girl #1, interrupting: So what is she going to do now?
Girl #2: Her parents think it is best if she stays in a mental institution for a while.
Girl #2: Wow! I could never do that! Live in the crazy-house, I mean. If I was surrounded by that many crazy people then I might start to think I was crazy too!

–6 Train

Posted on February 11, 2010
Crazy, Education, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, On the Subway, Parents, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Suicide

Wednesday One-Liners 101

Psychology professor: So with the gustatory system the motor action is basically spit or swallow. That reminds me of… never mind.

–NYU

Professor: As rigid as it may sound, I would really prefer that you provide me with the literal translation of the Latin on all quizzes and exams, rather than rearranging the grammar to make it sound less awkward in English, so as to preserve the integrity of the Latin prose. Yeah, that's how I roll.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Overheard by: Classics Student

Social psychology professor: The field of psychology doesn't run on… Dunkin'.

–New School University

English professor to class of freshwomen: When you get drunk, does your judgment suffer? (silent awkward pause) Well, you girls might be a little young for it, but I know my judgment suffers!

–Barnard College

Overheard by: High Aspirations

English professor: I know it sounds like an asshole thing to say, but that's what I'm here for guys. I'm here to be your asshole.

–English Seminar, Fordham

Posted on February 10, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Columbia (& Barnard), Cum, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Food, Fordham, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Languages, New School, NYU, One-liners, Psychology, Questions, School and studying, Science, Sensory Experiences, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners, Unfiltered

Social studies teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. To bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least.

–Hunter College High School

Girl to friend: What I really want right now is a whippit and two cigarettes.

–NYU Dorm

Subway girl: You know, he smokes a lot for being crippled.

–N Train

High school boy: You know Danny? He's been smoking since he was in second grade.

–Cold Stone Creamery

Overheard by: Kristina

Old lady to store owner: I just got out of the hospital. Can I have a lighter? A BIC one.

–Amsterdam & 88th St

Overheard by: Beez and Newb

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Friends, Girls, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Medicine, NYU, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Smoking, Store, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Wishes & desires

Common People: Ooooo…

Asian girl #1: Which college do you want to attend?
Asian girl #2: I want to be like common people and go to BMCC.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Lucie

Posted on February 4, 2010
Asians, Education, Girls, Penn Station, Questions, School and studying, Wishes & desires

George W. Bush: “Is Our Children Wednesday One-Linering?”

Ghetto mother, about daughter: She hard on herself when it comes to her grades. That comes from her father. I told him, "you better stop that, or else you're gonna bust her brain."

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Raven

Truant girl on cell: I didn't! (pause) No, I didn't! (pause) I didn't skip! (pause) I didn't go! It's not the same thing! (pause) No, it isn't! (pause) I didn't go anyplace! I didn't go to somebody's house or nothing! (pause) It's not the same! I didn't skip! I just didn't go! (pause) No, it's not the same! It is not!

–8th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: stephie

Proctor, seeing a student come into testing room: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba, and I can call up yo' parents… Today is just my lucky day!

–Stuyvesant High School

Long Island guy: I can't wait to get back to college. The girls there are so hot. I can't wait to get my DNA on em, know what I'm sayin'?

–LIRR

Indian chick on cell: What's good? I'm not taking Hindi anymore, that's what's good! Hellll fuckin yeahhh! Whoooo!!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: me neither

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Education, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, India Indians, Insults, Languages, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Science, Sex, Smoking, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners

And I Blame Jon Gosselin for Making Me a Racist

Schoolgirl #1 to friend: I just don't understand why we have to learn history in school. It's not like knowing about Asia's trade habits in the 1800s will get me anywhere in life!
Schoolgirl #2: I know. I mean, I don't even like Asians, so why should I have to learn about them?
Schoolgirl #1: Exactly.

–W13th St

Posted on January 30, 2010
Elementary & Middle School, History & Geography, Jobs & Careers, Race, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, The Village

Some Wednesday One-Liners to Make You Lose Your Appetite

Guy on cell: It's not like I take my ear wax, put it on my penis, and use it as lube.

–Queens

Overheard by: Jess

Friends on stoop: Bro, did you see that ass? I would lick the fart out that ass!

–19th & 6th

Middle-aged yuppie, about club in Las Vegas: And I said "here's our check, and if another pubic hair falls in our drink, you're in trouble!"

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scott

Boy in car to mom: Hey mom, what about anal leakage?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brenna

Guy to friend: She said she was stressed out studying for finals, I didn't realize that meant she hadn't been showering. As soon as I got there we started "hitting it". It was too late when I realized how dirty she was. Dude, I literally licked a layer of crust off her.

–3rd St b/w Ave A & B

Overheard by: saffrosun

Posted on January 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Friends, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Licking, Lube, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

And a Prestigious Heart Attack by Forty

Man to son: Ya like that cheesecake?
Son: Uh-huh, it's good.
Man: Go to school, get good grades, get a good job, you can have cheesecake like that whenever you want.

–Dinner near Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: taylor Morgan

Posted on January 7, 2010
Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Dads, Education, Food, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Will Punch You Right in the One-Liners

Man: I got beat up a lot in high school. It made me a better person.

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Incredibly Amused

Little boy: You best lay the smackdown on that hoe!

–Times Square

Student: I don't get why everyone is making such a big deal about Chris Brown hitting Rihanna, it's not like he's the first man to ever hit a girl. Get over it, world!

–Manhattan College, Riverdale, The Bronx

Overheard by: Stephen

Girl on cell outside beauty salon: If I didn't have things to do tonight, I would totally just slap the crap out of that girl. Seriously.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: maybe tomorrow, then?

Woman on cell: I went through this with my daughter this morning. (pause) Yeah, okay, you can hit me, but you can't hit anybody else.

–Cookshop Restaurant

Posted on January 6, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Education, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Men, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, Threats, Times Square, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

School and studying