Straight male employee: How gay do you have to be to shop here?
Gay male customer, overhearing employee: How gay do you have to be to work here?
–Michael's Craft Store, Queens
Straight male employee: How gay do you have to be to shop here?
Gay male customer, overhearing employee: How gay do you have to be to work here?
–Michael's Craft Store, Queens
Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Andres
Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think.
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wants to know why!
Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City!
–Hudson & Charles
Overheard by: lilli
Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: TOD
Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop!
–94th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sargeant Pants
Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh… Oh no… Uh oh…
–86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Julia
Woman #1, with water bottle in paper bag: I don't understand why they gave me a bag. What's the point of putting just a water bottle in a bag?
Woman #2: You should've just told them you didn't want one.
Woman #1: Yeah, but I didn't notice until he put it in.
(pause, then both women snicker)
–Elevator, 8th Ave
Overheard by: Mariah
Blonde chick: Where do you want to get brunch?
British boyfriend: I don't care, anywhere really…
Hobo in Saudi head wrap: Ahh, the youth of America, just shopping and fucking!
–Carmine & Bedford
Overheard by: Maggie
(construction worker pulls out a new tool from the truck)
Worker #1: Where the fuck did you get that?
Worker #2: Fuckin' Home Depot!
Worker #3: That's fuckin' fancy!
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Erin Flannery
Teenage boy: So we get to New York, right? And I look at the sign, and it says in big letters: “Welcome to New York, home of the blah blah.”
Teenage girl: “Blah blah”?
Teenage boy: Well, I really think it said: “Home of Free Shipping,” which would be totally kick-ass because I really want free shipping. I mean, it's like sixty bucks to ship stuff these days!
–Penn Station
Man handing out free demos: You want a CD? It's free! It's really good! It's me! (passersby ignore him) Fine, but when I die you cannot wear a t-shirt with my face on it!
–Broadway
Overheard by: porkchop sandwiches
Guy promoting comedy club: It costs less than a movie and we'll get you drunk!
–7th & 40th
Overheard by: Erin
Guy at stall: We're slashing prices today! Today's the anniversary of Lorena Bobbit!
–Street Fair, Washington Square North
Guy selling perfume: Ladies, buy one and get my number free!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Denah
Man advertising standup comedy event: Comedy and alcohol for all you miserable bastards out there!
–Broadway
Man selling tickets to a comedy club: I hate my job! Come get drunk! Sell tickets! Sell tickets! Drinks! Drunk! Come get druuuunk!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Kate
Little boy: In the old days, before they had shopping bags, what did they use? Did they use paper bags?
Weary mom: Yes.
Little boy: Really? Brown paper bags?
Mom: Yes.
Little boy: That’s so cool!
–31st Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Brigid
Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: John-Boy
Man to friend: Ya know I’ve touched both your dick and your brother’s dick… and his is much bigger.
–44th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: bigstoopit
20-something guy: I’ve just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.
–1 Train
Overheard by: drew
Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter’s dick in my mouth. I didn’t see it, I don’t even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it’s not important!
–Greenwich Ave
Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I’d suck the Jolly Green Giant’s dick, I don’t care if it did break my jaw.
–MacDougal St
Woman #1: Ooh. I like that top!
Woman #2: Thanks.
Woman #1: It’s very Sex and the City. Where’d ya get it?
Woman #2: Penney’s.
–Shuttle Train to Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Robert
