Stupidity

When You Wednesday Upon a One-Liner, It Makes No Difference Who You Are

Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead!

–9th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts

Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that!

–Astoria

Overheard by: squarehand

Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album.

–Museum of Modern Art

Overheard by: Gino

Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries!

–Korean Baptist Church, Astoria

Overheard by: Evan

Further Evidence of the Pretty-or-Smart Dichotomy

Attractive blonde: I’m going to have a cigarette.
Boyfriend: I thought you quit!
Blonde: I did, but I haven’t had one in a really long time.
Boyfriend: Um, isn’t that what quitting means?
Blonde: Whatever. I quit. I’m having one.

–44th & 9th

Overheard by: SecondHandSteve

Wednesday One-Liner’s Parents Used the TV as a Sitter

Hard hat: This is my idea, okay? Seriously, don’t try and steal it, because I think I can make this happen. Ready? The Fab Five visit Dog the Bounty Hunter’s show, and they give Dog and his whole crew a makeover.

–Construction site, 26th & 6th

Overheard by: Big Perm

Black aesthetician, discussing Flavor of Love: I know that show’s gonna set my people back 50 years, but I just gotta watch it.

–Staff room, NYC Day Spa, 57th between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: massage therapist lurking nearby

Jock: Last night we were so wasted we got naked and mounted the ram….and then watched Fraggle Rock.

–Rose Hill Cafeteria, Fordham

College student: Watching Dawson’s Creek is like studying for the SATs.

–St. John’s University

Nerdy teen: Oh my God, a refrigerator with a television in it. My life’s dream has just been realized.

–Best Buy, 23rd & 6th

Overheard by: nicolette

Amateur media scholar: It’s not called Lost because they’re lost. It’s called Lost because the audience can’t follow it.

–R train

20-Something guy to his date: But if you don’t have a television, how do you watch porn?

–Koi, 40th & 6th

Overheard by: UniqueNY

Doctor, It Hurts When I Think Like This

High school girl #1: Ugh. Sorry about that. Why does everything I say sound so stupid? It's like a disease!
High school girl #2: It is a disease! I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
High school girl #1: Oh my god! Really? I should go see a doctor.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Celia

And Got Hooked on Their, Um, Phonics

Blond: How do you spell “Columbus”? Is it with a “u”?
Brunette: Yeah.
Blond: Right, it's the country that is spelled the other way.
(pause)
Brunette: You know I never recognized the two were spelled different until you just asked that.
Blond: I only know because I slept with Colombians.

–A Train

Just to Give You the Flavor of My Life

Sweatpants: So, how’s your life doing?
Girl: Um, okay, I guess.
Sweatpants: That’s good… So I was watching Pokemon the other day…

–Mars Bar

Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky

Look What Happened to Ashlee Simpson

Nerdy hipster guy: So that simplifies to 400-350, which is…?
Clearly hungover girl: Unnngggggg, a hundred?
Very effeminate black friend: Damn, girl, whatever happened to you? Never go full retard!

–Starbucks, Midtown

Men’s Intuition, I Suppose

Teenage boy: I just realized I have not gotten laid, thus far in life.
Girl: When’d you come up with that?

–E 18th St & Ave J

Haven't Related to Anything That Much Since “Don't Hate the Game, Hate the Player”

Dumb #20-something #1: Anyway, she said something great at the end of the episode. It was like…a saying. It goes like, “Those who can't teach…” No. “Those who can't do…” No. Am I right? “Those who can't teach…do…”
Dumb #20-something #2: Yes, you are so right. It's: “Those who can't teach, do.” I know that.
Dumb #20-something #1: Yeah. I mean, I just… (very quietly), I just really related to that sentence.

–35th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Dan

You Are the Weakest Link. Goodbye

Math professor: This weekend I saw an exhibit at the Staten Island Zoo about dinosaurs.
Blonde bimbette: You mean with real dinosaurs?

–College of Staten Island

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist