Confused student: Wait, who did Obama run against?
Smart student: McCain!
Confused student I though Bush ran against McCain.
Smart student: No! Bush and McCain are in the same party.
Confused student: Right. (pause) Wait, Bush is a Republican?
–High School
Girl #1: Did you hear about that thing in Africa?
Girl #2: What thing?
Girl #1: About how there aren't enough female elephants, so the males started raping rhinos.
Girl #2: Wow, I knew Africa was fucked up, but even the animals go around raping and stuff. What a messed up country!
–Wagner College
Tourist woman to husband: Is it all vegetarian?
Guy waiting in doorway: Uh… Yeah.
Tourist woman: Oh. That makes sense.
–Outside Vegeterian Dim Sum, Chinatown
Overheard by: Brok
Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: TR
Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand… That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.
–Broadway & 43rd
20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.
–Stromboli's Pizza
Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!
–135th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Yowza
Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.
–Xmas Tree Stand, High School
Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.
–Staples, Union Square
Overheard by: Damon H.
Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?
–Carnegie Hall
Girl on bench, to guy in whose arms she is snuggled: Get your shit together and decide if you like men or women before you come around trying to date me!
–Battery Park
Woman to friend: What's with all these bi-colored, bi-curious tomatoes?
–Farmers Market, Union Square
Overheard by: Dave
Thug on cell: Yo! You didn't know that? (pause) Yeah man, he love pussy, but he love dick too!
–6th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Drunk blonde: I like both black guys and white guys. Does that make me bi?
–Joshua Tree Bar, Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: Mon
College girl in line: How did you answer the question asking about “nature versus nurture”?
College guy: That's easy. I just said “that's when parents let their kids run around in nature.”
College girl: Oh… right.
–Starbucks
Professional-looking guy #1: How old is your sister?
Professional-looking guy #2: Twenty-two.
Professional-looking guy #1: Twenty-two? You guys are practically twins! What are you? Four, five months apart?
–Downtown A Train
Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America.
–Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th
Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it.
–1 Train
Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing.
–7th & 31st
Overheard by: Greg
Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight.
–6th Ave & 54th St
Overheard by: Dale
Girl leaving apartment: Are you fucking for real? A gas mask!?
Guy, following: What do you mean?
Girl: You think I'm going to have sex with you after that?!
Guy: Huh… I still don't get it?
Girl: If you don't get how a gas mask and sword don't work, I can't help you!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Smokey
Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.
–R Train
Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: melissa
Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.
–Union Square
Overheard by: smoking on the stoop
Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.
–17th St & Broadway
