Bed, Bath, and Wednesday One-Liner

Hipstress to another: At least now if you find a baby on your doorstep, you'll have a dresser drawer to put it in.

–Pete's Candy Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mat Freimuth

Gamer on headset, freaking out: Oh my god, why would you move the couch!? Why the hell did you move it, idiot!? When you move a couch, bad things happen! Move the couch… You stupid… Oh my god. Wanna know why we all died after moving the couch? Because we moved the damn couch!

–Glendale

Middle-aged woman backing away from pink, cushioned chair for sale: Only $199? I wonder what it would be like to fuck on that chair!

–Hamilton Heights

Angry wife: No, it's fine, at least I finally know how you truly feel about throw pillows.

–65th St & Broadway

Posted on February 24, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Babies, Brooklyn, Couples, Death, For Sale, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Magic, Money & Class, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Final Solution to Wednesday One-Liners

College girl to friend: So I was looking through all my pictures… You know, all my pictures of Nazis.

–Central Park

Overheard by: ruegah

NYU film student to another, looking at picture of French actor Benoit Magimel: He's hot in that Hitler Youth kind of way.

–NYU Tisch Building

Guy to friend: Killing zombies is the new killing Nazis.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Preston

Random hipster: Sometimes I think Hitler was right.

–Music Hall of Williamsburg

Borders employee: I'm sorry, ma'am, we do have books about Hitler, but they're all for children.

–Borders

Posted on February 17, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Books & Writing, Central Park, Clerks, Compliments, Friends, Guys, Hipsters, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, KKK, Murder, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pictures, Store, Students, Stupidity, Theater, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

One-Liners Mean What Wednesdays Say They Mean

Blonde to brunette: So that made it even worser… Worser? More worse? Or is it just worse? Noooo. Worser. Or just worse? No! More worse. Worser?

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Agitated young man: I was dramatized by all dat what just happen … dramatized, son. Dramatized.

–Hospital, 10th Ave

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Obese woman pushing stroller: Yo! I told you I don't wanna hear noes, ifs, ants, or buts about it.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: john ainley

Young French lady: We are gonna weaponised a pumpkin!

–French Consulate, Upper East Side

Overheard by: James

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hospitals, Idiots, Moms, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Someone's Been Reading Too Many Dan Brown Books

Girl #1: Look at all the hipsters. They're all going south. Must be some kind of hipster convention.
Girl #2: How do you know that way is south?
Girl #1: The road. It makes an s-shape. It must mean south. Right?

–Central Park

Posted on February 16, 2010
Central Park, Directions, Girls, Parks, Questions, Stupidity

Further Evidence That You Get a Little Something Extra with a Columbia Education

Columbia jock #1: Bro, do they have chocolate milk here?
Columbia jock #2: They have chocolate syrup and milk. You have to do it yourself. DYO.
(5 seconds later) Wait…

–Barnard College Dining Hall

Posted on February 12, 2010
Columbia (& Barnard), Food, Jocks, Students, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liners 101

Psychology professor: So with the gustatory system the motor action is basically spit or swallow. That reminds me of… never mind.

–NYU

Professor: As rigid as it may sound, I would really prefer that you provide me with the literal translation of the Latin on all quizzes and exams, rather than rearranging the grammar to make it sound less awkward in English, so as to preserve the integrity of the Latin prose. Yeah, that's how I roll.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Overheard by: Classics Student

Social psychology professor: The field of psychology doesn't run on… Dunkin'.

–New School University

English professor to class of freshwomen: When you get drunk, does your judgment suffer? (silent awkward pause) Well, you girls might be a little young for it, but I know my judgment suffers!

–Barnard College

Overheard by: High Aspirations

English professor: I know it sounds like an asshole thing to say, but that's what I'm here for guys. I'm here to be your asshole.

–English Seminar, Fordham

Posted on February 10, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Columbia (& Barnard), Cum, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Food, Fordham, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Languages, New School, NYU, One-liners, Psychology, Questions, School and studying, Science, Sensory Experiences, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Go Animal Crackers

Burly father to daughter, passing grizzly bears: I have no compassion for stuffed animals.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Tarah

Guy to friend: I'm totally going to try to hook up with a dolphin when I'm in Cozumel.

–St. Mark's & 3rd

Girl: I would love to have sex with a cheetah!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Girl carrying reindeer head on bicycle rickshaw: It's not a moose head, it's a reindeer!

–4th Ave & 3rd St

Woman on cell: So are you still dating the tortoise man? (pause) So is this a good or bad thing?

–Bergen & Court

Overheard by: Staying away from the herpetarium

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beastiality, Body Parts, Bronx Science, Dads, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, The Bronx, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

She's Hoping He'll Become Her Ventriloquist Dummy

Boy on cell on platform: So yeah, I'll be there soon…I'm at the… um… The um… The… what do you call it? I'm waiting for the umm, and I'm at the… (sighs) What do you call it?
Girl next to him, whispering loudly: Traaaaiiinnn statiiionnnnn!
Girl next to her, yelling: Platform, train station, waiting for a train!
(Boy walks away still on phone)

–Metro-North Rail

Overheard by: Gabriela

Posted on February 9, 2010
Boys, Girls, On Cell, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Words

New York Has Many Visitors from Intersecting Alternate Realities

Girl #1: I don't get it, but like… Are there two suns?
Girl #2: Pardon?
Girl #1: I dunno. But the sun here is so much hotter than where I'm from.
Girl #2: Oh my god. Shhh!

–5th Ave & 22nd St

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on February 5, 2010
Astronomy, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Stupidity, Weather

My Boyfriend Makes That Mistake in Bed All the Time.

NYU girl #1, failing to light her “cigarette”: What the fuck!?
NYU girl #2: Honey, that's your flash drive.

–Outside of Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on February 5, 2010
College, Gadgets, Insults, Smoking, Sorority Girls, Stupidity

Stupidity

Further Evidence That You Get a Little Something Extra with a Columbia Education