Loud lady handing out pamphlets: Jesus is coming again!
Heckler: He didn't even come the first time! Humanity gave him the blue balls!
–Atlantic Ave Station
Loud lady handing out pamphlets: Jesus is coming again!
Heckler: He didn't even come the first time! Humanity gave him the blue balls!
–Atlantic Ave Station
Ditzy bonde: So, like, you remember those two guys from the bar last night?
Sensible black chick: Yeah.
Ditzy bonde: I fucked 'em both! One after the other. Bam! Bam!
Sensible black chick: Jesus, Diane*! They wore condoms, riiight?
Ditzy bonde thoughtfully: Well, they were still dribbling out of me this morning… So no!
–Union Square Station
Overheard by: Bart Simpson's shudder
Guy: So I'm like, "can I get a lighter?" and she pulls out two, and one is literally a penis with the flame coming out the tip, and the other one is a guy doing one of these moves, and the guy's like a tripod. So I'm like, "can I get one in a normal color?"
–Chinatown
African American man describing Indian restaurant to friend: That'll put fire in yo' ass.
–Midtown
Man to stranger: Hey, can I borrow you lighter? I need to go melt something in the bathroom.
–Jamaica Station
Overheard by: Tim
Conductor: Once again, there is nothing on fire! We got it under control. We apologize for the smoke. Next stop is Newark airport. There is nothing on fire.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Where there's smoke
Teenage dude #1: It's hot in here.
Teenage dude #2: That's 'cuz you don't shut up. You usin' up all the oxygen!
–Subway Elevator
Overheard by: Purple Hat Lady
Woman, staring at the train subway map: Excuse me, how do you get to the 1 train?
Large black guy: Number one, you get an education.
Woman: No no, how do you get to the 1 train?
Large black guy: Number one, you get an education. Number two, you look at the map. Number three, don't talk to strangers.
–Uptown NQRW
Overheard by: Knows which strangers not to talk to
Yankee fan #1, in crowded station exit: I think this is the way to Yankee Stadium.
Yankee fan #2, pointing to guy in Jeter jersey: Yeah, there's Derek Jeter up there.
–B/D Station, 161st St
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Middle aged woman from out of town: I don't think there are any theaters around here.
Middle aged man with large open map: Maybe. Are we still in New York?
–Broadway Junction
Overheard by: Nikki
Announcer: There is a downtown b as in "brothel" train approaching 81st Street. That's right. Brothel.
–81st St Station
Angry hobo, after receiving no money: Well, fine, screw you all! The reason you ain't giving me anything is cause no of y'all speak English. They should call this the "e" for "immigrant" train.
–E Train
Overheard by: Matt
Dude outside bar at happy hour: He expects me to be a BFF. But I'm just a bf… No, I'm just an f.
–9th Ave & 56th St
Overheard by: K Melv
Businesswoman on cell: No… the letter s… "s" as in "shot."
–Madison Square Park
Crazy woman to herself: My mom always called me "a" because, when I was little, really little, like before I could talk, I would sing "a a a a a a" over and over. And that was the joke, that I knew the first letter of the alphabet. (shrugs)
–S79 Bus
Little kid, singing alphabet song: A – b – c – d – h – i – v!
–M102 Bus
Tourist to MTA employee: Do you have a map of, like the touristy places?
MTA employee: Yes.
Tourist: That will show us like, the Eiffel Tower and stuff?
MTA employee: The Eiffel Tower is in France.
–57th Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Elise
Building fire safety supervisor, over intercom: Attention! This is your fire safety supervisor. The alarm you are hearing was accidentally triggered by a delivery person on the 18th floor. Repeat, the alarm was accidentally triggered. There is no fire. I will continue to keep you alarmed throughout the day.
–5th & 57th
Overheard by: Paul Tabachneck
MTA worker over intercom: Attention ladies and gentlemen, there is no n or r train service at this station. I repeat: no n or r train service at this station. (repeats this roughly a dozen times) You hear that? No trains. Not even half a train. No. Trains.
–59th & Lexington
Overheard by: was hoping there was a chance of a train…
Female announcer, with a little attitude: Attention people standing on the uptown local platform! Why are you standing there? No trains are stopping at that platform; they're all on the express track, like that c train stopping right now.
–34th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: going downtown, thank you
Announcer: We would like to remind all passengers that there is no smoking on MTA platforms. Especially blunts. (guy smoking blunt in station leaves)
–High Street Station
Loudspeaker: Will James please come to the courtesy desk? Your wife is lost.
–Stop 'n' Shop, Staten Island
Overheard by: Emily
