Superheroes

Wednesday's One-Liner Sense Is Tingling

Black man in Batman suit trying to get tourists to pay to take pictures with him: I got bills! I got bills!

–Times Square

Overheard by: kpan

Traffic cop, motioning in vain for car to stop: I guess my powers aren't working today…

–Citifield, 7 Train Entrance

Teenage girl: I love my physics teacher. He's like a fat, middle-aged Superman.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Large man with heavy accent shouting into cell: Please send somebody–I have just been robbed. (pause) I am on the corner. (pause) What do you mean, "white"? He is a Spiderman! He's wearing a Spiderman suit!

–Stanton & Essex

Mr. Coulier Was the Last Person We'd Suspect

20-something guy: Dave, are you Superman?
Dave: Yeah, I am!
20-something guy, screaming: See? See? Your whole thing goes down the shitter.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: Touche

“Where There Is a Sample Sale, I Will Be There.”

Greenpeace canvasser to two girls with mother: Girls, do you want your mom to be a superhero today?
Mom: I'm already a superhero, I just bought them clothes!

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Erin

Wednesday One-Liners Will Be Married to Supermodels One Day

Nerdy tourist boy looking at display: My depth perception is yelling at me…

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: jules

Pizza guy on cell: Have a good 4th… What? No, I said to have a good 4th, not "may the force be with you." (pause) Have a good 4th. (pause) Yeah, have a good 4th, and may the force be with you. Uh- huh. Good night.

–Dekalb & Hall St, Brooklyn

Indian nerd to friends, in the midst of heated debate: Dude, vitamins are fucking weak!

–Grand Central Subway Platform

Overheard by: djprojexion

Geek on cell, in line at Comic Con: Dude, I'm at the con… It's like, ten times more awesome…than anything awesome!

–NYC Comic Con

Overheard by: RedmanInc

Nerdy guy: Some super powers come with implied powers. Like the power of flight. You assume the power of wind resistance, because you'd get pretty freaking cold flying 200 mph. But no one ever thinks of that.

–Fordham Law School

Radioactive Shit

Cop #1: Remember that shit?
Cop #2: That was some crazy shit.
Cop #3: What shit?
Cop #2: The Spiderman shit.
Cop #3: Oh, that shit.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Caroline

Then Go With My Blessing, Caped Crusader

Mother of four-year-old boy (looking at display case): Wait up for me, Jack. Don't go on the escalator without me.
Four-year-old boy: It's okay, I can do it.
Mother of four-year-old: No, Jack. Wait for me.
Four-year-old boy: It's okay, mom. I can go up by myself.
Mother of four-year-old: Jack. Don't go up without me.
Four-year-old boy: Mom. It's okay. I can do it. I'm wearing my lucky Batman underwear.

–Macy's

The Six Train's Your Escape Pod to Smallville

Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: No, you wanna be a police officer.
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Superman's not real.
Four-year-old: They say I can be whateva I want, I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Oh, I'm sorry lil' man. You Superman.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Chris K

Mild-Mannered Wednesday by Day. One-Liner by Night.

Chick on cell: Do you prefer the superhero theme to us in only aprons, holding penis cakes?

–Garden of Eden Supermarket, 107th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

White guy to white girl: Wait, you'd be proud to be supermanned by me?

–D Train

(at the superhero fashion exhibit, in front of Catwoman's display)
Man to little kid: Oh, and look! She has a whip. I wonder what that's for…

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: EK

Black guy on cell: Nigga, you can't be James Bond and Batman, you pick which one you are.

–Smith & 9th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ewan Walsh

Girl on cell: Am I gonna need to drug you, put you in a superhero costume, and snap photos?

–Halloween Adventure Store

Overheard by: McF

Batman to four-year-old who jumped out from behind a table: Evan, don't sneak up on me. Superheroes are wound very tight.

–Birthday party, Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: PG

How Do You Get a Flyer Guy to Shut Up? Discuss

Flyer guy: Rainbow room! Discount admission! Observatory! Rainbow room!
(goth chick unbuttons her shirt)
Flyer guy: Rainbow room… Uh…
(goth chick reveals a Batman t-shirt)
Flyer guy, recovering: Discount admission! Observatory!
Goth chick (in menacing voice): I'm Batman.
Flyer guy: Rainbow room! Discount admission! Batman! We got batman in Gotham! Observatory! Rainbow room! Batman! Discount admission!

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday One-Winers

Amazed thugette: You know you ain’t in the hood, ’cause it says "Wine & Spirits!"

–12th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Toto

Box office employee: I bought this really awesome bottle of wine and I was like: "Oh, I’m going to make really amazing pasta with vegetables and bullets in it and glass and blood and it’ll be fantastic." But then I didn’t.

–Pearl Theatre

Overheard by: Mariah

Middle aged white guy: Yeah, you can get cheap wine in Harlem, but who wants to get a massage there?

–Thai Restaurant

Belligerent toddler to mom making purchase: That’s not enough wine, mom! That’s not enough wiiiine!

–International Wine & Spirits, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: McF

Hipster to his date: It’s like in the old DC Comics. Superman, you know, his weakness was Kryptonite, but there wasn’t just green Kryptonite. In the old DC Comics there was green, red, blue Kryptonite, all colors of the rainbow. Green Kryptonite killed him, but with the others, like, blue Kryptonite transferred his powers to someone else or something like that. Red turned him evil. All these different colors of Kryptonite had different properties. And that’s how wine is with me. Every glass of wine, I don’t know what I’m going to get… That analogy was not so great.

–Hope & Anchor Diner, Red Hook

Overheard by: AeC

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