Wednesday One-Liners Wanna See You Sweat!

Guy in courtyard, doing pelvic thrusts: Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and…

–NYU Dorm

Girl to friends: Yeah, after he stopped doing yoga it all went downhill…

–East Village

Guy on cell, screaming: I'm a machine! I'm unstoppable! Who goes out till four in the morning and then destroys a triathlon the next day? I'm a machine!

–91st St & York Ave

50-something yoga instructor: Bring attention to your reproductive organs, squeeze them as hard as you can, and release. Let them go, let them hang loose.

–Yoga Studio

Overheard by: Puff

Conductor: I was watching the winter Olympics speed skating and I got to thinking about the summer Olympics. A New Yorker should win the 100 meter dash. All they have to do is put an open train door at the end of the track and start the race with "boop boop." You know that New Yorker is going to win the gold. Ya'll have a good day now.

–A Train

Overheard by: Commuter #1,792,824

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Fitness, Friends, Girls, Guys, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Sports, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yoga

John Lennon: “All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner”

Guy on cell: Well, I love you. Hit that little Jewish kid in the back of the head, and I love you.

–St. Mark's

Guy to girl: Yeah, yeah, totally. I love turning nouns into verbs.

–Grahm Ave & Conseleya

Overheard by: Minna

Girlfriend to boyfriend: I love it when you goat me.

–95th St & Broadway

Overheard by: John

Staples manager to coworker: I love these staples!

–Staples Store

Overheard by: venniblue

Guy to girlfriend: Reacharound equals love.

–11th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Bosses, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Coworkers, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Love, Lower East Side, On Cell, One-liners, Race, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Are Your Editors Painfully Uncool for Not Knowing Who That Was?

Girl with coach bag: It's like the Beatles are here (motions with hand) and Flo Rida is here (motions with hand two feet higher)
Asian boy: (stares)
Girl with coach bag: Musical genius!

–St. Mark's Place

Posted on August 1, 2010
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Girls, Music, Singing, Union Square and East Village

Doesn't It Go Against the Nature Of an Animal to Keep It Tethered?

Dude to hippie chick walking cat on leash: Yo, that's a funny looking dog you got there.
Hippie chick walking cat: That's 'cause he's a cat.
Dude: Why you walkin' a cat down the street in New York City?
Hippie chick walking cat: Cause back in Colorado, he was indoor-outdoor, and now that we've moved out here for a while I just can't keep him inside. But I can't let him roam free on the streets, so I take him for walks. I love him too much to keep cooped up. It, like, goes against the nature of an animal to keep him inside and not let him experience the world outside and not let him meet other animals and other people.
Dude, amazed: Marry me.

–12th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Yeah, I like weird chicks too

Posted on July 30, 2010
Gay Man's Best Friend, Guys, Hippies, Love, Man's Best Friend, Marriage, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Treat Women and Men the Same

Film student: There's subtext to butt-sex?

–School of Visual Arts

Girl, to guy: Was your dick *in* my ass? Did we just do anal?

–Lower East Side

College girl: And my butthole is probably a lot tighter than hers.

–LIRR

Middle aged suit: I think I'd really enjoy anal because I always take such big craps.

–Union Square

Overheard by: alib

Woman to friend: Did you know the latest teenage fad is butt sex?

–177th St & Broadway

Posted on July 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Backdoor, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Lower East Side, One-liners, Penis, Poop, Questions, School, Sorority Girls, Students, Suits, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

…And Started Having Kids!

Woman: Well, now that I know you go to Brooklyn…
Man: Shit, I don't go to Brooklyn anymore! That bitch got sober!

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Posted on July 22, 2010
Drinking & Drunk People, Insults, Men, Relationships, Union Square and East Village, Women

The Sorriest Wednesday One-Liners in Town

Girl on cell: Listen, Alice, I just wanted to call and tell you that I am really, really sorry about the pop-tarts.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Conductor: This is where they tell me what the problem is, so you can stick with me or abandon ship, but either way I'm sorry for the mind-numbing delays.

–Delayed 6 Train

Overheard by: Frankie

Guy on cell: I'm trying to apolo… shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up. (pause) I'm trying to… stop talking! Just stop talking! (pause) Say "okay." I told you to stop talking. Say "okay." Shut the fuck up!

–Union Square

Overheard by: tracy

Conductor: We are delayed because of train traffic ahead of us. Thank you for your inconvenience and sorry for your cooperation.

–Downtown F Frain

Overheard by: Ben Black

Posted on July 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Queens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

…Wait– Did I Have Pants When We Went in There?

Guy #1, leaving bar: Did we leave anything behind?
Guy #2: Just my soberness.

–Irving & 17th

Overheard by: Tjnyc

Posted on July 20, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Questions, Union Square and East Village

I Don't Think We Can Be Friends Anymore

Woman #1: Why are there chives so much better than my chives?
Woman #2: Because they water theirs.

–Farmers Market, Union Square

Posted on July 15, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Trees and plants, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!

–East Village

Overheard by: Matty Mac

Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!

–Brooklyn

Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?

–Mulberry

Overheard by: nina

Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!

–Astoria

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guidos, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Prison, Prostitution, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Store, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Union Square and East Village

Are Your Editors Painfully Uncool for Not Knowing Who That Was?