Film student: There's subtext to butt-sex?
–School of Visual Arts
Girl, to guy: Was your dick *in* my ass? Did we just do anal?
–Lower East Side
College girl: And my butthole is probably a lot tighter than hers.
–LIRR
Middle aged suit: I think I'd really enjoy anal because I always take such big craps.
–Union Square
Overheard by: alib
Woman to friend: Did you know the latest teenage fad is butt sex?
–177th St & Broadway
Woman: Well, now that I know you go to Brooklyn…
Man: Shit, I don't go to Brooklyn anymore! That bitch got sober!
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Girl on cell: Listen, Alice, I just wanted to call and tell you that I am really, really sorry about the pop-tarts.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Conductor: This is where they tell me what the problem is, so you can stick with me or abandon ship, but either way I'm sorry for the mind-numbing delays.
–Delayed 6 Train
Overheard by: Frankie
Guy on cell: I'm trying to apolo… shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up. (pause) I'm trying to… stop talking! Just stop talking! (pause) Say "okay." I told you to stop talking. Say "okay." Shut the fuck up!
–Union Square
Overheard by: tracy
Conductor: We are delayed because of train traffic ahead of us. Thank you for your inconvenience and sorry for your cooperation.
–Downtown F Frain
Overheard by: Ben Black
Guy #1, leaving bar: Did we leave anything behind?
Guy #2: Just my soberness.
–Irving & 17th
Overheard by: Tjnyc
Woman #1: Why are there chives so much better than my chives?
Woman #2: Because they water theirs.
–Farmers Market, Union Square
Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!
–East Village
Overheard by: Matty Mac
Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!
–Brooklyn
Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?
–Mulberry
Overheard by: nina
Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!
–Astoria
Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, violins are basically just giant condoms.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Older man on cell walking two giant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it's like a German violinist.
–Thompson Square Park
Mother to young daughter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still shouldn't have hit you on the shoulder with a violin.
–Ave A & 6th St
Woman on cell: Let's go see the one about the transsexual violinists. (pause, yelling louder) Violinists! The transsexual violin players. Violin! (pause) You didn't say "violin"? Just transsexuals? (pause) Did you say "violence"? (pause) No? (pause) I'm not hungover!
–J Train
Chubby girl: Hi, your top is gorgeous! Where'd you get it?
Skinny girl: Um, Greece.
Chubby girl: Well, aren't you special?
–Union Square
Tiara'd bachelorette #1: I'll take a photo.
Tiara'd bachelorette #2: What? Of us just walking?
Tiara'd bachelorette #1: Yeah, like the Beatles.
Tiara'd bachelorette #3: But there aren't five of us.
–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Customer #1: You've never seen Death Wish?
Customer #2: Nope.
Customer #1, enthusiastically: He wishes for death! (pause) On others!
–Store, Union Square
Overheard by: Greg Luther
