Stoned vendor: That's a real marijuana leaf in there.
Random curious guy: No way!
Stoned vendor: Way! I grew it myself!
Random curious guy: So I can smoke the plate and shit?
Stoned vendor: Yeah, but you'll set your face on fire and go into a coma.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Dwight K Shrute
Gay manager: Ugh! They just keep on giving me more things to do.
Girl at counter: It's because you are gay!
Gay manager: Because I'm gay I get more responsibility.
Guy at counter: Blame the makeover shows. Make a few formerly hopeless fashion cases look good on tv and they think you can do anything.
–Retail Store, Union Square
Young man to friend: So, about your girlfriend…I think she and I should fuck.
–Union Square West & 16th St
Street hawker selling datebooks: Wanna cheat on your husband? Plan it out! Get a daily planner, write it in red!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: MPW
Hipster teen girl to friend: Dude, don't worry about it. Whenever I want guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me I always just take off my pants and start singing Afroman.
–Mulberry St
Chick to friends: Seriously, it's a full-on dating service for married people. (pause) Like, adulterers.
–Broadway & Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: Chuckles
Guy to another: Have you been cheating a lot? Does she know you're gay?
–6 Train
Hobo: So would all unhappily married women please step forward? I know there are some unhappily married women out there, and I'm willing to satisfy your needs. (pause) I know you're out there!
–Times Square
Overheard by: John
Girl: So did you hear that mom died?
Boy: Hahahaha, yeah.
–1st Ave & 11th St
Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: chiddox
Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!
–Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx
Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker
Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!
–Times Square
30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"?
–7th St & St. Mark's
Overheard by: Juicy
High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.
–Q27 Bus Stop
Overheard by: cough.cough.cough
Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick.
–Times Square
Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right?
–University & 10th St
Hassidic Jew in front of Mitzvah Mobile: Excuse me sir, are you Jewish?
British guy: No, I'm good, thanks!
–Union Square West
Overheard by: not jewish
Ghetto boy #1: Hey, honey, how old are you?
Ghetto girl: I'm sixteen.
Ghetto boy #1: Hey, you wanna trade phone numbers or aim or something?
Ghetto girl: No, thanks. (leaves)
Ghetto boy #2: Ooooooh. Damn.
Ghetto boy #1: Shut up, Justin! At least I don't date ugly-ass hos like you!
Ghetto boy #2: What about Veronica?
Ghetto boy #1: I only fucked Veronica cause I was trapped!
Ghetto boy #2: Nigga, how you be trapped?
Ghetto boy #1: Fuck, man, she weighs 300 pounds!
–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place
Friend #1: My friend told me that in Wisconsin they deep-fry cheese curds.
Friend #2: What's “cheese curds”?
Friend #3: Kurds are a perennially oppressed ethnic minority group found in parts of Iran, Iraq, and Turkey.
–East Village
Woman on date: So tell me about your trip through Asia.
Man on date: Um… Yeah, so after dinner, do you want to go to K-Mart so I can watch you buy sheets? Because it would really turn me on if I could watch you buy sheets.
–East Village
Hipster guy: I need some toothpaste and…what else did I say I needed?
Hipster girl, shouting: Condoms!
Hipster guy: Shhhhh!
(everyone in store starts chuckling)
Hipster girl: The extra small ones.
Hipster guy: Shhhh!
Hipster girl: With a juicy flavor!
–Rite Aid, 6th Ave & 11th St
