Foreign guy: Yeah, I had this sixteen-year-old who was drunk on vodka.
Friend: Yeah?
Foreign guy: I didn't sleep with her, though. I don't do that. I slept with her in the morning. Yeah, it's all about the penetration.
–St. Mark's Place
Foreign guy: Yeah, I had this sixteen-year-old who was drunk on vodka.
Friend: Yeah?
Foreign guy: I didn't sleep with her, though. I don't do that. I slept with her in the morning. Yeah, it's all about the penetration.
–St. Mark's Place
Uptight, Greg-type dude: Doesn't it hurt to sit with your legs like that?
Cheerful, Dharma-type chick, in lotus position on bar stool: Nope!
Uptight, Greg-type dude, after short pause: I shall pray for you, my dear.
–St. Mark's Ale House, St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Amber Star
Moviegoer: Come on, I wanna see this potentially shitty movie!
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Guy on phone: I'm not trying to have sex with you, I just really want to see The Dark Knight.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ross
Movie theater employee: I don't go to the movies. I watch them on the internet.
–AMC Loews, Lincoln Square
Overheard by: Holly
Guy on cell: Okay, love you, bye… Oh, and the reason she says "Foxy, you better work it out!" is because that's the name of her character in the movie.
–62nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Richard
Nerdy film major: Silent Night, Deadly Night II is the worst movie ever. It's so bad it's amazing. There's something cathartic about watching it; you leave thinking, "there is a god!"
–NYU Dining Hall
Guy leaving The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: You have to be some kind of anti-Christ to write a movie that retarded.
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mark Nilges
Girl, as credits roll at the end of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Wow…they both lived way too long.
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Button-down and khakis guy #1: I wish I had a bi-polar friend…it'd be like having two friends in one!
Button-down guy #2, completely serious: Yeah, that'd be awesome.
–Crocodile Lounge, 14th St
Monster Energy drink rep: Free energy drinks! (hands drink out)
20-something woman: I'll get my cancer elsewhere, thanks.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Queso
British female to sullen guy: Hey! What's wrong, chap? Buck up! Go on, buck up! Buck up! (sullen guy stops and looks her way)
Sullen guy, in heavy New York accent: Fuck…off.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Dropping Eaves
Heavy woman lugging suitcase to friends ahead of her: Wait! My breasts are falling out of my bra! I need help!
–Union Square
Overheard by: kpan
Girl walking through hall: So are your tits getting bigger?
–Fordham Lincoln Center Dorms
Overheard by: Growing pains
Girl on phone: Take my ass and add your boobs and it's like a wet dream in this neighborhood.
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: Julie
Guy smoking outside Starbucks: Well, we didn't have sex, but I did see her tits…in my head
–36th & 7th
Overheard by: Top Chef
English teacher: We're like cows, milking the intellectual tits of our minds.
–LaGuardia High School
Young hipster to friend: Remember when we sat there, I was high on Vicodin and we saw that guy take a shit in the fountain?
–Union Square Greenmarket
Rich woman yelling on phone: I don't care about your stupid laws or ethics or whatever. (pause) No, I pay you too much money not to get the goddamn drugs I want. (pause) Just write the fucking prescriptions and send them! What the fuck kind of drug dealing doctor are you?
–Metro North Train
Loud lady on cell on escalator: I'm on all these medications you're not supposed to be on when you're pregnant!
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Visiting Kiran
Jock: Nothing's as bad as being allergic to Viagra, man!
–NYU Bus
Lady of indeterminate age: A craving is just a thought on steroids.
–26th st & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Lucky Gunther
Obese woman to male friend: I need to get some Viagra from my dad.
–17th St & 8th Ave
Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?
–ACORN High School for Social Justice
Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.
–Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade
Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Margot
Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Janelle
Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude…fuck Dakota Fanning!
–Palace Theatre
Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!
–E 17th St
Overheard by: the Big R
Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it…New York, New York!
–47th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Woman, in line for bathroom: Is there actually anyone in the bathroom?
Man in front of her: Yeah.
Woman: Did someone die in there?
Man: I think the next person might.
–Starbucks, 2nd Ave & 9th St
Overheard by: the dead guy's girlfriend
Headline by: Nick Pollotta
Runners-Up:
· “Am I the Only One Fighting the Urge to Make a “Crappuccino” Joke Right Now?” – lauren beth
· “I’ve Heard a Lot Of Screaming From Inside” – KMW
· “Let’s Use the Bathroom Of the Starbuck’s Next Door” – Coyoty
· “M. Night Shyamalan Finally Hits Rock Bottom” – Nick Pollotta
· “Starbucks’ Experiment With a Grande Broccoli and Bean Chai Latte Ended Then and There” – Chris
· “Stephen King Is Running Out Of Material” – JohnAustin
· “The Birth Of the “Ladies First” Concept” – Morning Glory
