Gay guy to passersby: Spare an asshole for a gay man?
–Union Square
Man to woman: It's not that I'm an asshole; I just don't want to be seen with you.
–Bar, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Eric
Hipster chic: You could fit a globe in your asshole, it's so big.
–Bedford Ave & 3rd St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: letthemusicplayy
Woman, answering cell: Hey, asshole!
–Rite Aid, Grand Central
Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.
–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.
–7 train
Overheard by: bronwyn
Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!
–8th Ave
Overheard by: finds it comforting
Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"
–E 85th St & 3rd Ave
Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.
–Broadway & W 4th
Overheard by: Jake R
Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.
–6th Ave & Bleecker
Foreign hottie #1: Hello. Where is the subway?
Random girl: What subway?
Foreign hottie #2: Any subway.
Random girl: Well, where are you going?
Foreign hottie #1: The subway.
–2nd Ave & 1st St.
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
God squad guy: Jesus is the way, Jesus is the way, take a prayer book because Jesus is the way!
Man: Look, buddy, it’s New York. We’re all Jewish in one way or another. Try Jersey.
–Union Square West
Overheard by: CW
Hobo #1: You know what, man?
Hobo #2: What’s up?
Hobo #1: Yo, I balls out love opera.
–Houston & 1st
Overheard by: Jonah Eller-Isaacs
Chick: It’s about your cyber personality, and if your cyber personality doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me on Facebook, that’s okay!
–NYU Hayden Staircase
Coed: I don’t know… if Sheryl* with the two kids by the two different baby-daddies can have a good MySpace, I think pretty much anyone should be able to do it.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: ImmaculatePizza
Hipster girl: It looks like MySpace exploded in there!
–The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St
Overheard by: Cassie
20-something girl: So, the quadriplegic I hooked up with added me as a friend on Facebook last night.
–Chipotle, 51st & 8th
Geek prophet: No one is ever away from Google, really.
–Near Holland Tunnel
Overheard by: Claire H.
Angry chick, to boyfriend: Look, I’m not changing my Facebook status!
–6th & Ave A
Overheard by: Kremilyse
30-ish woman: I said I wouldn’t date him ’til he gets rid of the typos on his MySpace profile… Am I a snob?
–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: ball-and-veining tool
Lady: Wow, that really sucks…
Man: Yeah, you never know how useful all your fingers are until you lose one. And you know what’s so crazy? I used to fantasize about cutting one of my fingers off before this happened.
Lady: Are you serious? Which one?
Man: I couldn’t decide…
–2nd St & Ave C
Overheard by: bestbelieve
20-ish girl: Jack is going to Vegas for a bachelor party Friday. Should I be worried? What really happens at those things, anyway?
30-ish guy: It depends. The last one I went to was pretty low-key, but I’ve been to plenty of crazy bachelor weekends with strippers and a double-ended dildo.
20-ish girl: That’s it?! I’ve been to tons of parties with strippers and dildos. That’s not that crazy.
30-ish guy: When’s Jack back?
20-ish girl: Sunday.
30-ish guy: I think I might have a party Saturday.
–Union Square
Street preacher: You need the blood! The blood of Jesus!
Crazy hobo: You need a good butt fucking! Right in the mouth!
–Union Square
Man #1: I don't know, I just don't really like public showers.
Man #2: Who does?
Lady: Faggots.
–Graffiti, 10th St
