Drink Every Time They Say “Fuck”

Angry drunk girl to Guido friend she's dragging along: Hey, it's Laura*! (yelling) Hey you, Laura, you fucking slut! I heard you fucked Tommy*! You fucked my boyfriend, you fucking whore!
Laura: Hey, fuck you! I'll fuck whoever I want to fuck.
Angry drunk girl: You fucking slut! I can't fucking believe you!
Laura: Pipe down. His dick is tiny. Get a man with a real package, then I'll fuck him, and then you can complain.
Angry drunk girl: You whore!
Passerby: God, I love me some Bridge and Tunnel on a Saturday night.
Angry drunk girl: Did he just call us “Bridge and Tunnel”?! That dick!

–86th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Actually, it's WHOMever: you'll fuck WHOMever you want to fuck.

Posted on March 21, 2010
Anger Management, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Height, Infidelity, Insults, Nicknames & name calling, Penis, Sex, Strangers, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

Dial “M” for Wednesday One-Liner

Man with entourage: So I killed one just before I went to sleep. (entourage laughs) Yeah, and I left it on her ceiling as a warning.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Dude walking down street: And if I kill him, I'm certified to bring him back to life…

–Brooklyn

Old man to another: You know, I don't even give a shit if I die anymore!

–E 84th St

Girl to friend: Why would you put the poison in milk?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michela

20-something guy: Fucking corduroy! I've gotta tell ya, I fucking love corduroy! I swear to god, I'd kill for corduroy!

–J.Crew Men's Store

Overheard by: Pedro

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Death, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Laughter, Love, Men, Murder, Old People, One-liners, Questions, Store, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself

Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America.

–Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th

Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it.

–1 Train

Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing.

–7th & 31st

Overheard by: Greg

Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight.

–6th Ave & 54th St

Overheard by: Dale

Posted on March 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, History & Geography, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Tonight on the History Channel

Bimbo #1: What is The Vagina Monologues about?
Bimbo #2: I think its about like… The history of like…
Older man, stretching: Penises.

–New York Sports Club, 86th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: stillinshock

Posted on March 9, 2010
Bimbettes, Gyms, Old People, Penis, Theater & Dance, Upper East Side, Vagina

If the Amish Had an Entrance Exam

Mom to three-year-old daughter: Does it make you feel nice and happy and yummy and lovely when you go on the computer all day, or does it make you feel icky and sticky and ugly and stupid?
Three-year-old daughter, thinking: Ummmm… it depends.

–E 86th St

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on February 20, 2010
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Computer, Happiness, Kids, Moms, Upper East Side

One-Liners Mean What Wednesdays Say They Mean

Blonde to brunette: So that made it even worser… Worser? More worse? Or is it just worse? Noooo. Worser. Or just worse? No! More worse. Worser?

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Agitated young man: I was dramatized by all dat what just happen … dramatized, son. Dramatized.

–Hospital, 10th Ave

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Obese woman pushing stroller: Yo! I told you I don't wanna hear noes, ifs, ants, or buts about it.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: john ainley

Young French lady: We are gonna weaponised a pumpkin!

–French Consulate, Upper East Side

Overheard by: James

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hospitals, Idiots, Moms, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday, with Some Scattered One-Liners in the Early Evening

Hobo: Everyone, please believe me, I had nothing, I tell you–nothing, to do with this rain!

–6 Train

Overheard by: thanks for that clearing that up

Black guy sitting on stoop to white guy standing the rain: I can't offer you a warm vagina but I can offer you a dry haven.

–1st Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: D Dot

Hobo to sky, as it begins to rain: You gotta do better than drizzling if you want to flood the Earth! We got murders and rapists down here! There are pedophiles and traffickers and thieves and liars and idolaters! I'm ready: I got the life goggles you sent me! (holds up scuba mask) Thank you for making me in your image, Lord. Amen.

–24th St b/w Broadway & 6th Ave

Overheard by: EmLo

Man, as it begins to rain: Goddamn rain, man! Only in New York!

–Park Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Bo Vanderpants

Woman on cell: Yeah, the weather is beautiful this morning. I'm strolling like a motherfucker.

–Lexington & 90th St

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, God, Gripes, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Lies, Men, Murder, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Religion, Robbing the Cradle, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

So Keep Your Orgasms to Yourself

Man to woman in bar: I have a hard time liking anything that quivers.

–1st Ave b/w 85th & 86th

Overheard by: Bunni

Posted on January 29, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Gripes, Horny, Men, Upper East Side, Women

You Know They Love to Eat Tuna, Though

Girl #1: I was reading this article about sexual fantasies that are better if they stay fantasies.
Girl #2: Like mermen?
Girl #1: I think they meant, like, titty-fucking and threesomes, but sure.
Girl #2: But mermen… That's pretty complicated.

–60th & 3rd

Overheard by: …or that

Posted on January 10, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Kink, Rack, Three is Company, Upper East Side, Weirdness

Bye, Chippy!

Man to little dog with lady: Hi, what's your name?
Lady (for dog): My name is chippy.
Man: Hi chippy!
Lady: Hi! I'm getting my balls cut off on Thursday!

–69th & 1st

Overheard by: erock

Posted on December 31, 2009
Balls, Man's Best Friend, Men, Names, Upper East Side, Women