Upper East Side

Wednesday, with Some Scattered One-Liners in the Early Evening

Hobo: Everyone, please believe me, I had nothing, I tell you–nothing, to do with this rain!

–6 Train

Overheard by: thanks for that clearing that up

Black guy sitting on stoop to white guy standing the rain: I can't offer you a warm vagina but I can offer you a dry haven.

–1st Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: D Dot

Hobo to sky, as it begins to rain: You gotta do better than drizzling if you want to flood the Earth! We got murders and rapists down here! There are pedophiles and traffickers and thieves and liars and idolaters! I'm ready: I got the life goggles you sent me! (holds up scuba mask) Thank you for making me in your image, Lord. Amen.

–24th St b/w Broadway & 6th Ave

Overheard by: EmLo

Man, as it begins to rain: Goddamn rain, man! Only in New York!

–Park Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Bo Vanderpants

Woman on cell: Yeah, the weather is beautiful this morning. I'm strolling like a motherfucker.

–Lexington & 90th St

So Keep Your Orgasms to Yourself

Man to woman in bar: I have a hard time liking anything that quivers.

–1st Ave b/w 85th & 86th

Overheard by: Bunni

You Know They Love to Eat Tuna, Though

Girl #1: I was reading this article about sexual fantasies that are better if they stay fantasies.
Girl #2: Like mermen?
Girl #1: I think they meant, like, titty-fucking and threesomes, but sure.
Girl #2: But mermen… That's pretty complicated.

–60th & 3rd

Overheard by: …or that

Bye, Chippy!

Man to little dog with lady: Hi, what's your name?
Lady (for dog): My name is chippy.
Man: Hi chippy!
Lady: Hi! I'm getting my balls cut off on Thursday!

–69th & 1st

Overheard by: erock

Wednesday Smells So Bad, One-Liners Can Taste It

Ponytailed girl on cell, excitedly: Maybe you have, like, bacterial vaginosis or something! Yeah! That would explain it. No, you don't wanna smell like cinnamon down there, cinnamon toast crotch!

–86th & Lexington

Girl, walking onto stinky train car: Oh, shit, yo! It smells like a whole mess of hot ass up in this piece.

–L Train

Loud singing teen, stopping in mid-song: Damn! Somebody smell like soup!

–F Train

Overheard by: bpm

Smelly woman on elevator: I'ma kick that man's butt. I don't smell that strong!

–Office Building, Harlem

Overheard by: Liz

Man: This place smells like venereal disease!

–Port Authority Subway Tunnel

Overheard by: Courtney

Guy on cell: Who knows what I can do now that I don't smell like dogshit. The sky is the limit. (pause) Yeah, no more living in fear!

–27th & 5th

…Why? How Did Your Job Interview Go?

Blimp girl: Do you think I check out asses too much?
Skinny bimbo: Uhhh…
Blimp girl: But he was just sticking it in my face!

–98th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: assman

Then, for My Final Trick, I Shall Pull a Rabbit Out Of His Anus.

Girl: I think I am going to start banging him, then rip off the condom and surprise him by sucking him off.
Friend: You classy broad.

–Upper East Side

Or Cher.

Gay guy to girl: He's so unapproachable and homophobic.
Girl: Honey, he's not homophobic; he just really doesn't like you.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: Jon

Beer Washes Away the Guilt

Woman #1: Are you getting ice cream?
Woman #2: I'm getting beer.
Woman #1: I thought you said you wanted something chocolatey.
Woman #2: I want chocolate and beer.

–Deli, Lexington b/w 84th & 85th

Overheard by: Daveistrad

And by “Make” I Mean “Get at Taco Bell”

Girl on cell drinking frozen lemonade: No, mom. The frozen lemonade is not going to be my dinner. I'm going to go home and make myself something healthy. Love you! (hangs up)
Friend: Is that gonna be your dinner?
Girl: No! I'm gonna go home and make…
Friend: I love how honest you are with your parents.
Girl, interrupting: Some motherfuckin' nachos.

–86th & 5th

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