Dude, Nobody Listens to The Wednesday One-Liners Anymore

Young woman on cell: So I said to him, are you going to listen to Barbra Streisand forever?

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Korky

20-something girl: I'm a teenager! I collect pogs and say "suck it," and listen to Kriss Kross!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Claire H.

Guy: Man, these guys are like The Beatles of my generation.

–In Line for Cypress Hill Show, Nokia Theatre

Burly MTA contractor: I mean imagine if it was a dude singing "I kissed a guy and I liked it."

–Chambers St Subway Station

Overheard by: sarah

Trendy girl: I can't believe they charge $1.29 for a song now. What song is worth $1.29?!? Well, I guess "Don't Stop Believing" and "We Are the Champions"… basically any Queen song.

–Coldstone Creamery, Astor Place

Overheard by: Any Britney Song

20-something girl to 20-something boyfriend: Don't dress up like Elton John because I want you to. Dress up like Elton John because you want to.

–Halloween Shop, 11th St & Broadway

Posted on October 15, 2014
9 to 5-ers, About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fashionistas, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Insults, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Money & Class, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Store, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liner Is Murder

Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.

–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Maryrose

Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!

–Queens

Overheard by: alex

Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!

–Starbucks

Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.

–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!

Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?

–West End & West 100th St

Posted on October 8, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Illness, Jewish Moms, Judaism, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Kink, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

It Rubs the Wednesday on Its Skin, or Else It Gets the One-Liners Again

Woman on cell: You did what? No. No, the key is with the handcuffs.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: argonaut

Neighbor heard through thin dorm wall: Yeahhhhh, I'm a bad boy. You wanna spank me?

–Pratt Institute

NYU girl to friend: I think Jesus wore latex.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Mimi

Hippie woman on cell: Okay, why don't you just untie each other and come on down so we can talk about this?

–50th St & Park Ave

Posted on October 5, 2014
Brooklyn, Hippies, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, S&M, Students, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Call It an “Eating Plan”

Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!

–Blarney Rock Pub

Overheard by: Ant928

Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.

–Union Square

Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.

–Chipotle, Broadway

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!

–7-Eleven

Overheard by: CatVonD

NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: melbert

Posted on October 4, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Students, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Just Give Me a Minute to Clean Up Here

Male barista: Sorry, we're closed.
20-something girl: Can I get a tea bag to go?

–Café, Washington Square Park

Posted on September 27, 2014
Balls, Baristas, Drinks, Girls, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

Future Republican Environmental-Policy Advisor

Mommy: … But we’re going to have to do something about it, sweetie.
Six-year-old girl, arms crossed, looking away: I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Mommy.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on September 16, 2014
Advice, Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Linezillas

Teenage bride-to-be on cell: …yeah. But, no, I’m totally ready to walk across the aisle.

–Target, South Bronx

Overheard by: so this is the bronx

Suit: You expect me to spend the rest of my life with only one woman? One woman? One godforsaken woman?

–42nd St & Madison

Hula hoop guy to tourist couple: Sir! I’ll show you! You don’t have to do it, but hula hoops have saved a lot of marriages!

–Washington Square Park

Old woman to imaginary friend: I’d make a great wife, mothafucka!

–F train

Overheard by: Trying Not to Laugh

Girl: Can I do your brother at one of your weddings?

–Monitor St, Brooklyn

Young woman on cell: Well yeah, but he didn’t sleep with your bridesmaids.

–82nd & Lex

Man on cell: Ok, fine! You want to get married?

–Upper West Side

Posted on September 13, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Store, Suits, Teens, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park

What Happens When You Turn Your Mortarboard into a Bong

University official: I confer upon you the degree of Honorary Doctor of Science.
Female undergrad #1: I have no idea what any of that means, but I’m sure it’s important.
Female undergrad #2: Do you know what you’re saying? What you’re talking right now is waves. She invented that.

–NYU commencement, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on September 8, 2014
Education, Girls, Intelligentsia, Students, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Washington Square Park

…But You Need to Say That While Jabbing Her with Sticks

NYU girl to friend: She looks like a lesbian.
Random older man walking by: Aw, don't talk about her like that when she's not around.
NYU girl: But she does!
Random older man: Okay, I believe you.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ramsey

Posted on September 2, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gossip, Old People, Sorority Girls, Street, Washington Square Park

It's Important to Motivate the Sales Force

Drug dealer #1 (whispering): Smoke, smoke, smoke.
(passerby keeps walking)
Drug dealer #2 (yelling at drug dealer #1): C'mon, you gotta step your game up! Get that shit out there!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: willandbeyond

Posted on August 23, 2014
Advice, Business and Commerce, Default, Druggies, Drugs, Offers and requests, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park