Wednesday One-Liners Are Starting to Show

Aloof teen: So, other than getting robbed and coming back pregnant, how was it?

–27th & 6th

Overheard by: Seamus Diddy

Female cashier, looking over cover of Star magazine: Girl, Angelina is having twins?! I tell you what, that girl needs to get her some birth control pills -and you know why? Because she hot and if I was Brad Pitt I would keep knockin’ her up too.

–86th & 1st

Girl on cell: Ugh! I can’t believe she’s pregnant again! That makes futon baby number two!

–Forever 21, Union Square

Girl checking SMS, to friends: Oh shit…[Reads.] "Happy non mother’s day, pass this on to all your girlfriends and women you know who survived another year of not getting pregnant."

–Toys R Us Times Square

Overheard by: Non Father

Guy, chasing after pregnant woman in the fruit section: It’s not a boy? I swore you told me it was a boy! Honey! Come back!

–Whole Foods, Bowery

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on November 13, 2014
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Cashiers, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compliments, Crime and Punishment, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, Store, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Violence, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women, Words

Two Girls, One Gap

Woman to friends: Girl, you know how to do some rollers?
Friend: Damn, honey, I don't know how to do none of that shit. I could braid, I could perm, but that's it. You know that bitch Julia, she Mexican. She could do it. She know how to multitask.
Conductor: Please watch the gap as you exit the train, ladies and gentlemen.
Friend: Damn! That's a big ass gap, my ass almost fell over!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Posted on November 12, 2014
Ass, Conductors, Friends, Height, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Women

Got Your Passport?

Woman: Is the next stop the last stop on the train?
Man: The next stop is the last stop in New York. After that, all the stops are in Brooklyn.

–2 Train

Posted on November 11, 2014
Directions, Men, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Women

“Hail Mary,” Indeed.

Woman #1, in front of painting of the Virgin Mary: This is the oddest depiction of Mary I've ever seen. And the most sexiest.
Woman #2: She's so… Boobilicious.

–The Met

Posted on November 11, 2014
Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Physical appearance, Rack, The Met, Visual Art, Women

Whereas I Enjoyed an Entire Pie at Lunch

Man in tweed jacket and bowler hat to woman sitting next to him: Lose some weight! (stands up to find another seat)
Woman, staring: I guess he had a bad day.

–M86 Bus

Posted on November 11, 2014
Bus, Comebacks, Diet/Weight, Men, On the Bus, Only in New York, Passengers, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Women

Who Interprets the Floor of the Subway as a Toilet?

Hip Woman: Excuse me, I think you dropped your Metrocard.
UES Woman: I know. It’s not any good anymore.
Hip Woman: Oh, so now the floor is a garbage can?
UES Woman: That depends on your interpretation.
Hip Woman: Who interprets the floor of the bus as a garbage can? Man, I sure would hate to see your apartment.

–M15 bus

Posted on November 10, 2014
Cleanliness, Garbage, Hipsters, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Talking/Convos, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Know What Makes the Law & Order Sound

Law professor: Sometimes you just want to tell your client, "Wake the fuck up!"

–NYU Law School

Law student on cell: Well, it's hard to locate them, since I don't know who they are.

–Columbia Law School

Overheard by: arctinus

Older looking woman on cell: No, don't fight him, Henry. We're Jewish. God gave us lawyers for a reason.

–42nd & Avenue of the Americas

Overheard by: Elizabeth

Awesome judge: If you do not have a basic understanding of the English language, you will not be able to serve. If you cannot understand what I'm saying, please come up now. Now, two translators will translate what I just said. If you understood what I said, obviously don't come up here.

–Supreme Court Building

Suit to girl: You must be a lawyer. (pause) Or a cunt.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: How did he know?

Thug: Don't say anything to her! Don't you know anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law?

–132nd & St. Nicholas

Drunk lawyer on phone: Yeah! I convict rape victims.

–Outside Shea Stadium

Posted on November 7, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crime and Punishment, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, God, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Judaism, Language Barrier, Lawsuits, Lawyers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, On Cell, Rape, Shea Stadium, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Thugs, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Been There, Done That

(two guys bike past blowing a whistle and yelling, imitating a siren)
Old woman: Well, that about sums it up.

–Broadway & 19th

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Grandpa on cell: Okay, well, don't bump and grind with any boys!

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Yours Truly

Older lady: I'm anti-tchotchke!

–Hudson & Bleecker

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Older woman gazing out at the pond: Well this is it! Scumbag park!

–Turtle Pond, Central Park

Overheard by: Confused

Old guy sitting on bench, to other: I'm gonna send your picture to Bellevue, so they can get the food ready for ya.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Lola

Old lady: The sex shops came in after the gays moved up from The Village in the 80s. But that's okay…

–8th Ave & 20th St

Elderly well-dressed lady to other (in front of bong shop): This place looks good.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Philouza

Posted on November 7, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Men, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, On Cell, Pictures, Sex, Sexuality, Women, Words

Women