Wednesdays Would Sell Their Souls for Some One-Liners

Theology professor, after struggling with projection screen: This is Satan doing this to me.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Crazy man with bullhorn: Hanukkah is for God, Christmas is for Satan!

–Fordham Plaza

Conductor: This is an uptown a train making all local stops. Yes, you heard right, all local stops. The e train is out of service today, as it is on a vacation to hell. Stand clear of the closing doors, please!

–A Train

Overheard by: Kirstie

Girl yelling to two friends across train: Jay-Z is like a devil worshipper. No, seriously, he's like a Freemason or whatever. They all are: him, Madonna, Britney…

–J Train

Seven-year-old tourist to mother: Are we going somewhere safe where the devil won't get me?

–34th & 28th

Posted on December 23, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Crazies, Education, Fears, Friends, Girls, God, Holidays, Judaism, Kids, Men, Moms, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Satan, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

God's Only-Begotten Son

Little boy: Dad, can I try to fix your watch?
Dad: Wait until we get home.
Little boy, crying: You don't trust me with anything!
Dad: No, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just that fixing a watch is very hard. Not even David Blaine can replace a tiny screw on a crowded stretch of Broadway.
Little boy: Who's David Blaine?

–Broadway & Prince

Posted on December 19, 2009
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Dads, Gadgets, Kids, Magic, Offers and requests, Parents, Soho

…Not As Much As Lethal Weapon 3 but Close.

Thuggish teen #1: You see that movie A Walk to Remember?
Thuggish teen #2: That movie's so good! And the part where Mandy Moore died? Yo, that shit made me cry!

–D Train

Posted on December 18, 2009
About Celebrities, Crying, Movies, On the Subway, Teens, Thugs

That It Can Lead to Successful Screenwriting!

70-year-old woman: I saw that movie with that man–that fellow, Eastwood.
Friend: Gran Torino?
70-year-old woman: Yes, yes. They should make young people today watch that. Teach them a lesson about drinking and drugs!

–Columbia

Posted on December 18, 2009
About Celebrities, Columbia, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Movies, Old People

Smooth, Silky Wednesday One-Liners

Teen to friends: I want to get a haircut, but every time I get a haircut I get arrested.

–Union Square

Cashier: This line is closed! Unless one of y'all wants to drive me to my hair appointment!

–Home Depot

Woman to friend: Why can't he have a normal man haircut? Like, with short sides?

–Dekalb Ave & Oxford

Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula

Manic lady to no one in particular: Pay homage to my hair!

–B61 Bus

Drunk hipster: Donald Trump's hair is the Blarney Stone of New York.

–East Village

Overheard by: Concerned Irishman

Posted on December 16, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Bus, Cars and Driving, Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Drunks, Friends, Hair, Hipsters, On the Bus, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Store, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

And Let's Not Forget About Gary Coleman! …Oh, Wait.

Guy #1: It's too bad, 'cuz the good child actors always grow up to be terrible adult actors.
Girl #1: Not always. You have people like Drew Barrymore…
Girl #2: Or Doogie Howser.
Guy #2: Neil Patrick Harris! He has a name!

–St. John the Divine Cathedral

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Posted on December 10, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Names, Theater & Dance

Hey, Boys and Girls, It's Wednesday One-Liner Time!

30-something blonde in office attire on cell: You need to tell Vanessa that she can't be on the show because she's not overweight enough, and s not unattractive enough.

–Whole Foods Market, Chelsea

Syracuse University girl, going up escalator: I feel like I'm in Star Trek! (begins humming Indiana Jones theme)

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Mickey

20-something gaysian: Yeah, he watches Hannah Montana so I don't get why he makes fun of me for watching iCarly!

–Washington Square Park

Teen: I watched I Love Lucy last night. She's funny; she's like the Jim Carrey of the 1920s or something.

–UA School of Music and Art

20-something preppy kid to mother: You know, they really should have a reality show about Midtown.

–54th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Pedro

Posted on December 9, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Disney, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Preppies, Queer guys, Students, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Whole Foods

Your Tummy Gets Appointed Republican Ambassador to Mexico

Little girl: Mommy, my tummy hurts!
Mom: That's what happens when you only eat nachos and Shirley Temples.

–74th & Columbus

Posted on December 5, 2009
About Celebrities, Body Parts, Ethnic Food, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Parents, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

That's What I Was Afraid Of

Mousy teen girl: You know, a lot of people say I look like Paris Hilton. They say it's my facial features.
Trendy teen girl: Yeah… You know, even though Paris is really skinny and has big boobs, and that's exactly what guys want, her face is disgusting.
Mousy teen girl, looking down awkwardly: Yeah.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Miss Rach

Posted on November 30, 2009
About Celebrities, Body Parts, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Rack, Teens, Wishes & desires

You're Not Exactly Sidney Poitier Yourself, Smart Guy.

Drunk girl on cell, passing Hugh Grant: Yeah, I know, right? Oh, wait, there's Hugh Grant.
(Hugh Grant turns around)
Drunk girl to Hugh Grant: Wow, you're a shitty actor!
Brad Garrett, pointing and laughing at Hugh Grant: Hahahahahaha!

–72nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on November 23, 2009
A-List, About Celebrities, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Insults, Laughter, On Cell, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

About Celebrities