Wednesday One-Liners: Ribbed for Her Pleasure

Loud office chick: Oh my god, I found, like, four condoms on the bookshelf!

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Serious teen on cell: If you use a condom… It doesn't count.

–Murray Hill

40-something woman to two 20-year-old men: Don't believe any girl when she tells you she's on birth control. Take your condom and keep it in your wallet.

–19th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: McCrum

Guy on cell: You're just mad because your dick is tiny and the condom slipped off.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Powerwalking Indian woman: I mean, isn't that why I went on the pill? So guys can come in me?

–40th & Queens Blvd, Queens

Overheard by: Ohmarkus

Posted on August 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Condoms, Desi, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Teens, Weirdness, Women

Too Easy– That Was Like Sandblasting a Soup Cracker

Ten-year-old tourist girl wearing pink Crocs: Smoking is bad for you!
Smoking queer: Crocs are for retarded kids who can't tie their own shoes.

–50th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Scott

Posted on August 18, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Retardation, Shoes, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Tourists

The Highest Compliment an Artist Can Receive

(admiring statues next to the Time Warner Center)
Construction worker #1: I like those statues a lot.
Construction worker #2: Steal 'em!

–58th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Stefan Lawrence

Posted on August 15, 2008
Advice, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Thievery, Visual Art

Thus Concluding My Responsibility in the Matter

Young thug poser: I gotta go to my cousin's house tomorrow. She's always vomiting.
Friend: Yo, she's pregnant!
Thug: Naw, I already told her to take care of that shit, take that Plan B shit.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on August 15, 2008
Abortion, Advice, Default, Family Ties, Friends, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Thugs, Vomit

Wednesday One-Liners' Cups Runneth Over

Thug on phone: Yo, man, you know that bitch I rent my room from? Those titties are triple F or some shit, man! (pause) How do I know that? Cause I looked through her drawers, that's how! (pause) Cause whenever I talk to that bitch, those things are in my face! I had to find out!

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: redshikari

Dude: I have barometric boobies!

–Jujutsu Class, 13th & 7th

Overheard by: Ladle

Dude to friend: Dude, sometimes you just have to say no to boobs.

–St. Mark's Chipotle

College student: Those tits in that shirt look awful… I wanna see cleavage, not leverage.

–Columbia University

Suit on cell: You should get paid more because of how big your boobs are!

–74th & 3rd

Overheard by: Joanna L.

Posted on August 13, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, West Village, Words

The Wednesday Bone's Connected to the One-Liner Bone…

20-something girl: I don't let people with toes like that into my bed!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: insizlane

Old man on cell: Just tell her to go to Duane Reade and get that shit that puts your urethra to sleep.

–East Village

Overheard by: doctors are so jaded

Woman: My son has a perfect head, it's not flat on no sides.

–44 Bus, Staten Island

(man comes over and pushes down everyone's safety bar)
Woman: My uterus just came out of my vagina.

–Coney Island Cyclone

Guy on cell: …and it's just not Sunday unless you've had your finger in someone.

–Houston & Macdougal

Overheard by: Lish

Posted on August 13, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Coney Island, Girls, Hand-Jobs, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Men, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, Physical appearance, Sexuality, Staten Island, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

An Epidemic Of Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged white guy to younger black woman: Just leave them a message that's like "I woke up from my coma, don't worry. Not that you were worried anyway."

–Nederlander Theater

Overheard by: julia

Girl to friend: Everything was fine until I found out about the warts.

–Broadway & Waverly

Man to friends: All I know is that I was leaving town the next day, so I told her to take some Pepto-Bismol or Robitussin or whatever because I was gettin' some that night for sure!

–Bodega, 22nd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Doug Tischler

Teenage black girl, within a group of friends: Them kids with autism, they be havin' mad skills!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: r. faith

Male yuppie: If she comes back with cold sores, I'll know who to go to.

–San Domenico Restaurant, East 26th St

Girl: Rabies is my biggest enemy.

–Bellerose, Queens

Posted on August 13, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penn Station, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, The Village, Theater, Threats, White People, Yuppies

Probably a Story There– I Beg You Not to Tell It

Girl eating chocolate cake to woman in next cubicle: Oh my god, this is so good–I think even you would eat this cake.
Woman in next cubicle: I don't eat nothing coming off of Long Island.

–Random NYU Administration Office

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Posted on August 9, 2008
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Coworkers, Default, Food, Girls, Office, U.S. Geography, Weirdness, Women

[title Of Show] Is Even a Dumpy Title

Old obnoxious wife: Why is this set so dumpy? It's not a real set.
Old obnoxious husband: I think it might be ironic… It says “Look! We're on Broadway with a dumpy set!”
Young obnoxious girl in front of them (obviously a fan of the show): That's kind of the point. It's four chairs and a keyboard. And that's all they need to be successful. If you pay attention to the show, you'll find this out.
Old obnoxious husband: Oh, well… that's… poetic.
Old obnoxious wife: It's still dumpy!

–Lyceum Theatre, W 45th St

Posted on August 8, 2008
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Couples, Default, Girls, Gripes, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Theater, Theater & Dance

Wait!….Can I Have Your Broken Shoe?

Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: Oh look, you broke your shoe, and you're pregnant.
Hugely pregnant woman: Yes.
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: Well bitch, just go to the ATM, get $20, and get a new pair of shoes. White folks got all the money.
Hugely pregnant woman: (silence)
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: You know what? God broke your shoe. He broke it cause you hate black people.
Hugely pregnant woman: Umm, this is my stop.

–2 Train

Overheard by: courtney

Posted on August 7, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Crazies, Crazy, Default, God, Money & Class, On the Subway, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Race, Shoes, Women

Advice