An Exhibition of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman standing in front of a painting by Jackson Pollock: … And he just took the paint and schmootchka’d it all around, and people went, ‘Oooh!’

–The Met

Hippie girl about public art: So… Do, like… all countries have statues?

–New School

Overheard by: old school

Art student: I could never date someone who doesn’t understand expressionism. I would rather die.

–12th & Ave B

Bimbette looking at gigantic marble head: Do you think the men were really this big, or the artist just made it look like that?

–The Met

Overheard by: Jingles

Guy, about his art: I could use a tarp. I like the thingness of the tarp, but I don’t want to overdo it.

–G train

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Woman on cell, joyfully: You’re my new craft project!

–102nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Cisi

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Catch-of-the-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!

–Central Park North

Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!

–Columbus & 67th

Overheard by: abcnews

Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.

–Penn Station

Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: the guy behind the guy

Posted on December 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, Shoes, Smoking, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Void Where Prohibited

Disgruntled suit on cell: I know how to pee! — Venti decaf frappucino — I’ve been doing it since I was born!

–Starbucks, Spring & Crosby

Overheard by: Mistress Silver

Girl to friend: … And then he just started peeing in front of all of us. Everyone else ran away except for me!

–St. Mark’s & 2nd

Overheard by: that’s the whole point of galoshes, right?

Whiny guy: I don’t mind getting into a pissing contest so long as I’ve got my stick!

–Boulevard Tavern, Greepoint

Chick meeting friends: Guys, don’t tell Jim this, but I just peed in between two subway cars on a moving train on the way here.

–Regal cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amazed that this is physically possible

Guy to buddy: I probably got the cleanest fucking urine in that whole building!

–Rector St & Trinity Pl

Overheard by: Benjie

Screaming man on cell: How many times do I have to tell you?! Do not piss on the street! Do not shit on the street! Do you hear me?!

–7th Ave, between 28th & 29th

Posted on December 14, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Pee, Poop, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-liners Call a Mohel

Italian man: Did you see that Along Came Polly? Bah! Pile of shit! It has that Jew actor. Ben Stiller. You know Ben Stiller? From the Dodgeball movie? It’s the one where they throw the balls at each other. Now that movie’s pretty good! That movie you should see!

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Katy K

Posted on December 13, 2014
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Guidos, Idiots, Judaism, Movies

Wednesday One-Liners after Labor Day? Shocking!

Rich lady: I bought this outfit for myself to make up for my miserable youth.

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Zac

Yuppie to toddler sitting on friend’s lap: … And the benefit of wearing Nike clothing is that it’s made by children not much older than you.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ardbeg78

Trendy chick: I can’t go to places like Forever 21 and Urban Outfitters ’cause they study and watch me on camera, ripping off my style.

–Bar, 14th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Karl Karlson

Girl: Trench coats are never a good sign.

–M14D bus, 1st Ave

Overheard by: melanie

Loud queer to friend: Ummm, do you know where I can get some Lycra spandex leopard-print leggings?

–The Village

Overheard by: S

Posted on December 13, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Spicy Szechwan Wednesday-One-Liners

Man: If you wanna have lunch, you’ve got to have lunch here, whether it’s Chinese or Subway.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Aahlixx

Little boy: Does all Chinese food come from Chinatown?

–Williamsburg

Woman: It’s like listening to an Arab speaking Spanish talking about the Chinese.

–W Train

Overheard by: Bluto

Tourist: The Chinese are notorious for blurring the line between pet and soup.

–Chinatown

Queen picking up delivery: Damn, I hate dealing with these Chinese people, they never be understanding English good!

–Fordham dorms, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: I don’t understand you either

Ghetto guy: Sushi is real Chinese food.

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: John Wu

Hipster Chinese girl on cell: Americans have too much freedom. Yes, too much freedom.

–52nd & Madison

Posted on December 11, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ethnic Food, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Could Be Prime Real Estate

Male hipster: I was all excited for Central Park, you know, and then I remembered: I've seen trees before.

–Central Park

Tourist, looking at souvenir photos of Central Park: You never realize how… central it is.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Xanthias

Tourist, looking down at map: Wait a second, guys, I can't find Central Park.

–Penn Station

Overdressed, overly made-up girl: The thing I don't like about Central Park is that it's too much like a forest.

–Central Park

Posted on December 11, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, One-liners, Parks, Penn Station, Pictures, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Trees and plants, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-liners Roll Up Dollars

Teen boy on cell: What grade are you in?…Do you get high? I get high everyday, yo! It’s coo-ool! What you gotta do, is look at yourself in the mirror, and ask, “Am I cool? Do I got what it takes?”

–Riverside Park pier

Overheard by: Marlena G

Posted on December 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, On Cell, Teens, Weed

Wednesday One-Liners May Need to Pay for It

Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.

–1 train

Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.

–96th St station

Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?

–Sushi restaurant, Soho

Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.

–E 61st & Lex

Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.

–E 23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Jake

Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.

–Leon M. Goldstein High

Overheard by: Hand-banana