Woman: I smell crack comin’. I’m not buggin’, right?
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Mike Epstein
Stumbling woman: Shit, my eyesight’s so fucking good, I can find crack in the motherfuckin’ snow!
–Bowery mission
Overheard by: lancelot quintana
Woman: I smell crack comin’. I’m not buggin’, right?
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Mike Epstein
Stumbling woman: Shit, my eyesight’s so fucking good, I can find crack in the motherfuckin’ snow!
–Bowery mission
Overheard by: lancelot quintana
White guy to black girlfriend: God, I'm so racist.
–Canal St & Elizabeth St
Big black lady: So, have they fired that African guy yet? (laughs hysterically) Nah, you right. Mexicans won't do that shit no more!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: NewHaircut
White woman to black woman: So, tell me about your people. Do you know where they come from?
–Whitehall St & South St
Overheard by: Jon A.
White girl walking in Harlem: Dang, even the squirrels are black here!
–125th & Amsterdam
Tween: Mom, what's Negro Day?
–Neil Simon Theatre
Little blond girl to black mother: You mean we're black?
–Hudson & Barrow
Overheard by: Emily
Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist.
–Outside Fairway, 72nd St
Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious!
–Spiegelworld
Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese!
–Pratt Institute
Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!"
–Pathmark
Overheard by: Another band geek
30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin!
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: KTizzle
Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!
–8th & 34th
Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: It's how I got mine
Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!
–Coney Island Broadwalk
Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!
–Broadway & Liberty
Overheard by: CG
Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!
–Spring Street, SoHo
Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.
–W 12th & W 4th
Overheard by: michael diamond
Professor: Fat people are often funny.
–Baruch College
Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!
–Riverdale
Overheard by: Caitlin
Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!
–F Train
Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.
–8th St & Broadway
Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.
–Williamsburg
Woman standing in front of a painting by Jackson Pollock: … And he just took the paint and schmootchka’d it all around, and people went, ‘Oooh!’
–The Met
Hippie girl about public art: So… Do, like… all countries have statues?
–New School
Overheard by: old school
Art student: I could never date someone who doesn’t understand expressionism. I would rather die.
–12th & Ave B
Bimbette looking at gigantic marble head: Do you think the men were really this big, or the artist just made it look like that?
–The Met
Overheard by: Jingles
Guy, about his art: I could use a tarp. I like the thingness of the tarp, but I don’t want to overdo it.
–G train
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Woman on cell, joyfully: You’re my new craft project!
–102nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Cisi
Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!
–Central Park North
Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!
–Columbus & 67th
Overheard by: abcnews
Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.
–Penn Station
Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.
–Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: the guy behind the guy
Disgruntled suit on cell: I know how to pee! — Venti decaf frappucino — I’ve been doing it since I was born!
–Starbucks, Spring & Crosby
Overheard by: Mistress Silver
Girl to friend: … And then he just started peeing in front of all of us. Everyone else ran away except for me!
–St. Mark’s & 2nd
Overheard by: that’s the whole point of galoshes, right?
Whiny guy: I don’t mind getting into a pissing contest so long as I’ve got my stick!
–Boulevard Tavern, Greepoint
Chick meeting friends: Guys, don’t tell Jim this, but I just peed in between two subway cars on a moving train on the way here.
–Regal cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Amazed that this is physically possible
Guy to buddy: I probably got the cleanest fucking urine in that whole building!
–Rector St & Trinity Pl
Overheard by: Benjie
Screaming man on cell: How many times do I have to tell you?! Do not piss on the street! Do not shit on the street! Do you hear me?!
–7th Ave, between 28th & 29th
Italian man: Did you see that Along Came Polly? Bah! Pile of shit! It has that Jew actor. Ben Stiller. You know Ben Stiller? From the Dodgeball movie? It’s the one where they throw the balls at each other. Now that movie’s pretty good! That movie you should see!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Katy K
Rich lady: I bought this outfit for myself to make up for my miserable youth.
–Union Square West
Overheard by: Zac
Yuppie to toddler sitting on friend’s lap: … And the benefit of wearing Nike clothing is that it’s made by children not much older than you.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Ardbeg78
Trendy chick: I can’t go to places like Forever 21 and Urban Outfitters ’cause they study and watch me on camera, ripping off my style.
–Bar, 14th St & Ave B
Overheard by: Karl Karlson
Girl: Trench coats are never a good sign.
–M14D bus, 1st Ave
Overheard by: melanie
Loud queer to friend: Ummm, do you know where I can get some Lycra spandex leopard-print leggings?
–The Village
Overheard by: S
