Bag lady on pay phone: Well, I’ll admit that she’s cold, but I don’t know about manipulative.
–Times Square
Bag lady on pay phone: Well, I’ll admit that she’s cold, but I don’t know about manipulative.
–Times Square
Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!
–Astoria
Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.
–M66 Bus
Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?
–31st & Crescent, Astoria
Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!
–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st
Overheard by: Tom
College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.
–8th St & University
Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Riot
Chick on cell: It was amazing! We spent the entire night together. We really connected. It just doesn’t seem like his wife knows him at all… Well, okay, Dad, gotta run. Love you, too.
–Smith & Baltic, Brooklyn
JAP with coldsore: I can’t date Jewish guys anymore. I mean, I really like Jewish guys, but I can’t stand them. Just because I’m dating someone, it doesn’t mean I can’t have sex with someone else!
–Murray Hill Diner
Chick: I thought it was bad being cheated on with an underage albino, but at least she wasn’t a fat tranny.
–42nd St
Girl on cell: I really had to talk about it, and I knew I couldn’t leave anything about our relationship on his answering machine! His wife listens to that! And his kids!
–67th & Broadway
Hipster chick: The married one I was having an affair with — if he MySpaced me, it’d be rude not to MySpace his wife, right?
–Mott & Prince
NYU guy to pal: If you could pick any five girls, and one of them had to be Tom Cruise…
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Lexey
Man: If Leonard Cohen were a hamster, I’d kill him.
–Freddy’s Bar, Brooklyn
Hobo: Donald Trump is my cousin, but he doesn’t know it because I came out black.
–Museum Mile
Teen girl on cell: Hey, I just read that Brad and Angelina decided to adopt their next kid from Vietnam. You totally have a shot… No, seriously, you should apply. I mean, I guess you’d have to try out and stuff, but it’d so be worth it.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Whitehall St
Skinny black goth girl: Am I gay, or am I Paris Hilton?!
–Cardozo High School
MTA elevator operator to another: You don’t have to be forgiven. Clint Eastwood taught us that.
–1 train station elevator, 168th St
Overheard by: martin gehrke
Guy on cell in line: Yeah, she’s messing around with Michael Jordan and shit! You do not want your lady messing around with Michael Jordan!
–Rite Aid, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: dutchman
Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.
–2nd St & Ave B
Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?
–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Linda
Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!
–Starbucks, La Guardia airport
Overheard by: Allears
Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!
–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St
Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?
–Greene St & Prince St
Overheard by: deadzebra
Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!
–PATH train
Overheard by: blkgirl
Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?
–Broadway & Prince St
Overheard by: djingo
Man on cell: Yo Hamster! Oh, hey Tomato, whats goin’ on?
–Bx12 bus
Overheard by: Courtney C
Girl on cell: I swear it had to be 8 or 9 inches long…yeah I know, I was shocked. It was the biggest damned cockroach I have ever seen…yes, a roach, what did you think I was talking about?
–Bx9 bus
Overheard by: ogie
Bus driver: Next stop 3rd Avenue. We’ll be arriving in a week to 10 days…Anyone want to get off here? That’ll be $50. Send me a check.
–M14D bus
Overheard by: Sherri
Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead!
–9th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts
Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!
–14th St & 1st Ave
Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that!
–Astoria
Overheard by: squarehand
Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album.
–Museum of Modern Art
Overheard by: Gino
Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries!
–Korean Baptist Church, Astoria
Overheard by: Evan
Girl: These fish are big, yo! Or is this tank magnetic?
–Petland, Greenpoint
Overheard by: miles
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I am homeless and I have no money. I am also ugly — that is why I have no friends.
–Kingston-Throop Station
Overheard by: Ann Lee
Old man passerby to hot guy kissing ugly chick: You can do better, son! You can do better!
–B train, 86th St
Tall Brit on cell: In Europe they definitely have an ugly girl problem, but back home in England it’s a damn epidemic.
–45th & 9th
Ugly beer-guzzler: Didn’t you know that they send all of the ugly people to Cleveland? Because then they’re all there together, and they feel comfortable enough to mate. Of course, I had to get out of there and come to New York!
–79th St Boat Basin Café
Overheard by: amalthya
Old guy to high school chick: You are very beautiful, but that shirt makes you look ugly!
–D train
Drunk girl: Oh my god! I looove Amy Winehouse! But, ugh! Poor bitch is gonna die soon!
–Vynl Restaurant, 51st & 9th
Overheard by: Sitting next to the loudest table
Val Kilmer, noticing a ‘Now Appearing’ sign: Oh! Kris-tin Bell! Not Chris-tian Bale. That makes a lot more sense.
–Big Apple Con, Penn Plaza Pavilion, 33rd & 7th
Nerdy guy: Hey, I may look like Steve-O, but I get more butt than a toilet!
–Outside of The Hog Pit, 13th & 9th
Woman, to friend: … And then Chuck Norris came out of nowhere!
–W 8th St & Ave S
Overheard by: Kat
Clerk girl: Well, she’s kinda like the Korean Melissa Etheridge.
–Duane & Broadway
Overheard by: taylor
Disappointed redneck to fat wife, exiting Olive Garden: Well, we did not see any famous people in there.
–Times Square
