Wednesday One-Liners for Chandler Bing’s Dad

Dude: Is it true the city is outlawing fat trannies?

–14th & 9th

Girl on cell: … But the conversation is getting so good! I’m announcing my attraction to trannies, and you’re talking about the S-and-M relationship of our friends!

–Harlem

Overheard by: Poogins

Crazy drunk man to 11-year-olds: Suck my dick, bitch! And my pussy!

–F train

Tranny to Jehovah’s Witnesses: You don’t know nothing about God. I ain’t got no testicles. You can’t tell me about God.

–149th & St. Nicholas

Overheard by: KcB

Chubby guy: I don’t hang with women with tits smaller than mine.

–Sidewalk cafe, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Big Larry

Butch woman on cell: So, Jennifer — you know, my ex-wife’s boyfriend…

–Payless Shoe Source, 34th St

Posted on April 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Gays and Lesbians, Kink, Penis, Rack, Sexuality, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

That’s the Biggest Wednesday One-Liner I’ve Ever Seen on a Man

Worker: … Just stick it in your pocket. I mean, seven inches isn’t bad.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: So I tried to set my password to "Penis".
Girl: […]Guy: It said my password wasn’t long enough.

–66th & Broadway

College kid to girlfriend: You make me feel sometimes like ten inches isn’t enough.

–12th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Strand Customer

Asian girl on cell: It’s six inches. [Laughs.] Wait… What’s six inches?

–CUNY Queensborough

Drunk guy pissing against wall, on cell: I got my dick out at 14th street! Yeah, it’s 14 inches!

–Union Square

Posted on April 14, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Frat Boys, Girls, Grand Central, Gripes, Guys, On Cell, Penis, Queens, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

R.I.P. Wednesday One-Liners

Large black lady: They have all sorts of bags here: small bags, big bags — you could fit, like, nine bodies in that bag.

–The Container Store, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Fat queer: I want to be buried alive so I can eat myself out of it.

–Graham & Conselyea

Overheard by: Jesse

Girl on cell: I keep calling them and telling them not to kill him yet!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: my roommate and me

Man on cell: Is Anne available? She’s dead? Oh, okay then.

–54th & Park

Nine-year-old boy seeing rays of sunlight enter car: We’re above ground now! Now we can’t be killed!

–N train, Queens

Posted on April 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

NYU guy: I'm like a centaur, if ya know what I mean.

–University & 4th St

Overheard by: sarah

Female hipster to friends: Well, vampires are the new zombies!

–147th & Convent

Thuggish straight guy to another: Oh, I'd much rather be a faggot than a demon, dawg.

–Park Ave & Spring St

Overheard by: Christopher Schulz

Interviewer, trying to convince interviewee: There's not much of a future in being an elf.

–Macy's

Italian woman, staring at guy wearing Ghostbusters t-shirt: You donta lika da ghosts?

–Meatpacking District

Overheard by: Looking for my proton pack

Posted on April 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hipsters, Italians, Jobs & Careers, Magic, Manhattan, Movies, One-liners, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Thugs, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesdays Rogaine Their One-Liners

Loud girl to friend: Tell them you want fuckable hair! Fuckable hair!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Girl to friend: You mean her boob-look hair puff?

–52nd St & 6th Ave

Ghetto woman to another: Why he be mooning everyone with that hairy ass?

–53rd & Lexington

Overheard by: tommy a

Man to friend: I'm Mexican, man; I was *born* with a mustache.

–Grand & Orchard

Girl, enunciatively: I support chest hair!

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: DI

Posted on April 12, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Guys, Hair, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nipples, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Believe

Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.

–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!

–1 Train

Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!

–N Train

Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…

–5th Ave & 14th St

Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: jessi pfeufer

Posted on April 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Kids, Makeup, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Starbucks, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It's Wednesday One-Linas, Boo

Thug to girlfriend: Listen, baby, I'm not really lying, fully!

–Ave B & 10th St

Thug: Yo, I wanna go to yoga, son!

–St. Marks Place

Thug: Sometimes I look around and wonder if in my next life I might be a bird.

–1st & 3rd

Overheard by: Angela

Short thug on cell: I'm gonna get you some slippers, mami, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet!

–7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you gotta wake up and smell them Arabica beans!

–CVS

Overheard by: freshly brewed.

Thug, yelling to female companion: When you gon' let me show you some dick? When you gon' let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitches! At least we'll have something in common!

–7th Ave & 21st St, Brooklyn

Thug, excitedly discussing favorite cold stone flavor: Yo, no homo man! Peanut sensation!

–Downtown D Train

Overheard by: Raven

Posted on April 10, 2015
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Wednesday One-Liners Think You Haven’t Heard the One about the United Negro Pizza Fund

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make: Mayor Bloomberg is a pol pot, I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior, and I am trying to get some money for a snack wrap. Your kindness is appreciated.

–4 train

Overheard by: Scotty H.

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have walked many, many miles, and I have sucked many, many dicks, but I… [doors close].

–E train, W 4th

Hobo rattling coin can as WASP lady passes: Mrs. Rockefeller, pay yo’ bills!

–79th & Lex

Overheard by: Clook

Hobo to another: So, I hear you’re an international spy now.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: tj

Wheelbo: Can somebody give me some money so I can buy a Rolex? Please hurry. I want to know what time it is.

–80th & Broadway

Posted on April 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Hobos, Panhandling, Wednesday One-Liners

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: aenigma

NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.

–Forsyth St & E Houston St

Overheard by: Dave-o

Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy!

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole.

–Ale House, MacDougal St

Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jana

Posted on April 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Farting & Burping, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Licking, Lower East Side, Marriage, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

One Flew Over the Wednesday One-Liner’s Nest

Teen: I just like popcorn, cake, and Pepsi, so my mind’s going crazy and I shake a lot…

–Chipotle, 33rd & 5th

Crazy girl on cell: … So he tells me I’m crazy. I’m not crazy! Why does he think I’m crazy?! There is no way I’m crazy! He’s crazy for thinking that!

–33rd & 6th

Angry black woman: Why are they taking pictures of the crazy man? Goddamn tourists! God damn them all!

–1 train station, Christopher St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Tourist woman: I think the only people that speak English here are the crazy people screaming obscenities on the streets.

–Mulberry & Broome

Chick on cell: Then again, who am I to talk about being crazy? I have a clove of garlic in my cooch!

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on April 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazy, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

All Wednesday One-Liners