Girl: These fish are big, yo! Or is this tank magnetic?
–Petland, Greenpoint
Overheard by: miles
Girl: These fish are big, yo! Or is this tank magnetic?
–Petland, Greenpoint
Overheard by: miles
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I am homeless and I have no money. I am also ugly — that is why I have no friends.
–Kingston-Throop Station
Overheard by: Ann Lee
Old man passerby to hot guy kissing ugly chick: You can do better, son! You can do better!
–B train, 86th St
Tall Brit on cell: In Europe they definitely have an ugly girl problem, but back home in England it’s a damn epidemic.
–45th & 9th
Ugly beer-guzzler: Didn’t you know that they send all of the ugly people to Cleveland? Because then they’re all there together, and they feel comfortable enough to mate. Of course, I had to get out of there and come to New York!
–79th St Boat Basin Café
Overheard by: amalthya
Old guy to high school chick: You are very beautiful, but that shirt makes you look ugly!
–D train
Drunk girl: Oh my god! I looove Amy Winehouse! But, ugh! Poor bitch is gonna die soon!
–Vynl Restaurant, 51st & 9th
Overheard by: Sitting next to the loudest table
Val Kilmer, noticing a ‘Now Appearing’ sign: Oh! Kris-tin Bell! Not Chris-tian Bale. That makes a lot more sense.
–Big Apple Con, Penn Plaza Pavilion, 33rd & 7th
Nerdy guy: Hey, I may look like Steve-O, but I get more butt than a toilet!
–Outside of The Hog Pit, 13th & 9th
Woman, to friend: … And then Chuck Norris came out of nowhere!
–W 8th St & Ave S
Overheard by: Kat
Clerk girl: Well, she’s kinda like the Korean Melissa Etheridge.
–Duane & Broadway
Overheard by: taylor
Disappointed redneck to fat wife, exiting Olive Garden: Well, we did not see any famous people in there.
–Times Square
Conductor: Hey, no crying on the train! No crying on the train!
–1 train
Man: I make people cry, and you tickle them.
–Wall St
Girl: You’re making me wanna shed mad tears!
–Lower East Side
Mom to young daughter: I think Daddy cries because he cares.
–JFK
Drunk guy: Jim? Jim! I don’t think we can be friends anymore… I cried after the Super Bowl.
–Waverly & Broadway
Woman on cell: I call her at work sometimes, and I’m like ‘Hi, Beth,’ but I can’t hear her because she’s sobbing.
–22nd & Park
Overheard by: Champ
Tween: I made a babysitter cry once. She was so immature.
–Brooklyn-bound R train
Hard hat: This is my idea, okay? Seriously, don’t try and steal it, because I think I can make this happen. Ready? The Fab Five visit Dog the Bounty Hunter’s show, and they give Dog and his whole crew a makeover.
–Construction site, 26th & 6th
Overheard by: Big Perm
Black aesthetician, discussing Flavor of Love: I know that show’s gonna set my people back 50 years, but I just gotta watch it.
–Staff room, NYC Day Spa, 57th between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: massage therapist lurking nearby
Jock: Last night we were so wasted we got naked and mounted the ram….and then watched Fraggle Rock.
–Rose Hill Cafeteria, Fordham
College student: Watching Dawson’s Creek is like studying for the SATs.
–St. John’s University
Nerdy teen: Oh my God, a refrigerator with a television in it. My life’s dream has just been realized.
–Best Buy, 23rd & 6th
Overheard by: nicolette
Amateur media scholar: It’s not called Lost because they’re lost. It’s called Lost because the audience can’t follow it.
–R train
20-Something guy to his date: But if you don’t have a television, how do you watch porn?
–Koi, 40th & 6th
Overheard by: UniqueNY
Angry black woman: Why these motherfuckers always wearing "right for life" buttons, philosophizing and shit?
–Dallas BBQ, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike H
Student: Aborting your baby is so boring now. Everyone does it.
–Bard High School Early College
Drunk loud teenage Latina: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a minority and I have never had an abortion!
–N Train
Overheard by: g-lime
Man on cell: Oh… Oh shit… Well, can't you just take a wire hanger and pull it out? Yeah, just stick the hanger in and pull it right out! Okay? Okay. Bye.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: marge
Fabulous gay guy: So, my coworkers at Olive Garden all wanted to go out for a picnic one day. Our one friend had to work though, so we told her to tell our boss she needed to go get an abortion and she actually did it!
–Life Cafe, Avenue B & 10th St
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Teacher: I mean, with all the salt I eat, my blood pressure should be equal to Avogadro’s number over Planck’s constant! But it’s not…
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Middle-school Latina to posse of Asian males: Asian girls aren’t smaller — they have six muscles in their vagina, and white girls have four, and black girls have two. That’s because black guys have the biggest penises, so the women have fewer muscles. And Asian men have the smallest, so the women have six muscles so it feels tighter… It’s true. I learned it in biology.
–Brooklyn-bound N train
Overheard by: Shannon
Conductor: This is the train to Huntington. This is the train going to Huntington! If you didn’t hear your stop before, this is not the train you’re supposed to get on! Come on, people — this is not quantum physics, people! If your stop is not called, this is not your train!
–LIRR, Huntington Branch, Jamaica stop
Overheard by: Jenn
Skanky mom: Just not too much science stuff, okay?
–In line, Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Dork
Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…
–6 Train
Overheard by: j
Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.
–NJ Transit
Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.
–Borders
Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.
–E Train
Overheard by: Nicole
College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!
–1 Train
Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell?
–E 9th & 3rd
Overheard by: Peanut
Guy on cell: Get the hell out of here! I just can’t believe that someone would go to a baptism just to start a fight.
–65th & 1st
Woman walking alone in a wedding dress and veil, on cell: Yeah, I got kicked out.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: yum
NYU frat boy to another: Remember that time you popped that zit on my dick?!
–Waverly Place & Broadway
Overheard by: lezbotron
Older suit to younger suit: If you want people to move out of your way you just gotta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (people move out of the way) See?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Brad
Thug to another, exiting a deli: The Salvation Army can suck my dick.
–Stanton & Ludlow
Overheard by: CN
Girl wearing hijab: That depends on whose dick it is!
–Hunter College, 68th & Lexington
Overheard by: off white
